


in life and death : a kyalin story

by milfkya



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:55:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 59,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26648611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milfkya/pseuds/milfkya
Summary: set six months after the s4 finale, all is peaceful in Republic City until old enemies resurface. centered around Kya and Lin, grief, sadness, death, and happiness blur together in the story of kyalin :)
Relationships: Korra/Asami Sato, Lin Beifong & Kya II, Lin Beifong/Kya II, Pema/Tenzin (Avatar)
Comments: 143
Kudos: 178





	1. beginnings

_Somewhere in the Earth Kingdom_

The door of the main room creaked open, and a tall man wearing a red helmet walked in, letting the door close behind him. Hands by his side, he waited for his superior to speak to him first. The room was silent, besides the rhythmic tapping of fingers on the wooden desk. 

"I hope you have results for me." He sat behind the desk, dressed all in red, but was not from the Fire nation. No, he was earth kingdom by blood. 

"Yes sir." The man in the red helmet stood rigidly. "Lin Beifong, she knows." 

"Toph Beifong's daughter." The man behind the desk stroked his grey beard carefully. Toph Beifong was friends with the previous avatar. He _hated_ avatars. 

"Where is she now?" 

"Republic City, sir." 

"Bring her here. No need to be gentle." He placed his palms flat on the desk, feeling wooden splinters sink into his fingers. He welcomed the pain. He was _so_ close. The only thing that stood between him and rescuing their beloved leader was an unknown woman in Republic City. 

"Yes sir." The man in the helmet saluted. "Long live the Red Lotus." He left the room, shutting the door behind him. 

They were close now. Soon, every last drop of blood from the avatar bloodline would be spilled. Starting with Avatar Aang's children. Then his grandchildren. He would save Avatar Korra for last. _Long live the Red Lotus._

* * *

_Republic City_

"Kya." 

"Mhm." Kya's lips were still trailing across Lin's cheek, occasionally stopping to peck at the earth-bender's lips.

"I'm working today, and that doesn't include-" 

" _Screwing my girlfriend_." Kya leaned back to mimic Lin. "I've heard that before, chief." 

"Then you know that I'm already late." Lin tried to turn away but Kya pulled her into another kiss. 

" _Come on_ , Lin!" Kya groaned, wrapping her arms around Lin. "Things have been slow in the city, I know that you probably sit in that office of yours doing paperwork all day anyways." 

Lin rolled her eyes, but Kya was right. In the past six months, things had been slow in Republic city. There were no crazy dictators trying to take over, no spirit world shenanigans, even everyday crime was down quite a bit. For once, things were; peaceful. 

"Come on, the hospital gave me time off, and _you_ need to relax." Kya planted a soft kiss on her jaw. Lin sighed. Things _were_ slow in the city, and most of her days were just filled with endless stacks of paperwork anyways. Lin always prided taking her job seriously, but with the way Kya's lips were trailing down her jawline, she supposed a few extra minutes couldn't hurt. 

"One hour." Lin growled, and Kya did a little victory dance; which was essentially just her spinning around with her arms above her head. 

"You're insufferable." Lin groaned, watching her girlfriend dance around in front of her. 

"And you love it." Kya tapped her finger against Lin's lips, and before Lin could lean in to kiss her again, Kya pulled away with a giggle.

"Come on, _chief,_ " Kya grinned and turned around, making her way to the bedroom. "Let's get you _relaxed._ "

Lin rolled her eyes, watching Kya practically skip back to the room. She bent off her uniform, leaving it by the front door, following Kya to the bedroom, who was still giggling like a child. She knew that their little _liaison_ this morning would probably last much longer than the hour Lin conceded too, but nevertheless stepped into their bedroom and closed the door behind her. 

\---

The telephone next to Lin's bed rang loudly, eliciting an irritated groan from Kya, as Lin extricated her lips from the base of the water-bender's neck. 

"I am going to _kill_ whoever that is." Kya grumbled as Lin rolled over her to answer the phone. 

"This is Beifong." Lin answered, sitting with her back against the headboard as Kya propped her head up to listen to the conversation. 

"Lin, it's Tenzin, are you busy right now?" Lin scrunched her nose up in displeasure at being interrupted by her ex-boyfriend, and Kya leaned in closer to listen.

"Is that Tenzin?" Kya whispered, her eyes suddenly gleaming. Lin shushed her and turned her attention back to the phone, as Kya disappeared under the covers for some reason. 

"What do you need?" Lin suddenly felt Kya's lips slide up the inside of her thigh from under the sheets, nipping at the soft skin. Lin tried to jostle her legs so Kya would move, but the water-bender had no intention of letting up. Kya _loved_ to tease, and her favorite targets were, in fact, her girlfriend and her little brother. 

"Well, Korra and Asami are back from their spirit world vacation, and they're here on the island." Lin just nodded; she wasn't really listening to what Tenzin was saying, she was more focused on her girlfriend's lips slowly trailing up her thigh. "They'd love to see you and Kya if you aren't busy."

"Sure, that's fi-" Lin let out a loud hiss as Kya bit, rather hard, into her inner thigh. Lin gripped the sheets into her hand and heard a snicker from under the covers. 

"Lin?" 

"That's fine Tenzin, we're on our way." Lin grumbled, hanging up the phone before he could respond. She yanked up the covers, only to be greeted by cheekily grinning Kya, looking up at Lin from between her thighs. 

"Korra and Asami are back." Lin muttered, doing her best to glare down at the water-bender. Kya grinned, and much to Lin's disappointment, hopped out of the bed. 

"Let's go then!" Kya extended a hand out to Lin, who grabbed it and pulled Kya back into the bed. Kya squeaked as Lin rolled her over, pinning her arms above her head. 

"You still owe me an hour." 

* * *

The entire crew was standing on the tiled walkway of Air Temple island; team avatar huddled together, and Tenzin and Bumi off to the side when Kya and Lin strolled up. Bumi let out a howl of amusement as they got closer and grinned at the couple. 

"Looks like my little sis got some _action_ in before getting here." He poked a rapidly developing bruise at the bottom of Kya's neck, just below her necklace. Kya chuckled and accepted the fist bump from her brother, earning an eye-roll from her girlfriend. 

"Hi Korra, hi Asami." Kya made her way to the two women, wrapping them in a tight hug. 

"It's really good to see you, Kya." Korra murmured. She and Kya had formed almost a special connection over the years; when Korra had come to Kya trying to figure out her feelings for Asami, Kya had helped her to understand her sexuality, and determine her own identity. She was also one of the only people that was continuously there for her when she was poisoned by Zaheer. Perhaps some spiritual connections really did transcend lifetimes. 

"You two look great." Kya smiled knowingly and the two women smiled warmly back. And they did, both women were practically _glowing_ , and Kya could't help but notice their auras; both in harmony with each other. She was so happy for them. 

"So do you." Korra snickered suddenly, hinting at the now dark purple bruise on the water-bender's neck. Korra and Asami chuckled, and Tenzin just crossed his arms and huffed in irritation. 

Kya snickered. "Well, you see, it all started when Lin got her cables out-" 

"Alright, Kya!" Tenzin flushed bright red. "We get the picture." He looked to Lin for some help, but she just shrugged and shook her head. Over the years Lin had developed a sort of _tolerance_ for Kya's relentless jokes and innuendos, no matter how inappropriate and explicit they were. 

"Come on you two," Kya threw her arms around the new couple, walking them towards the dining hall. "I wanna hear all about the trip." 

As the rest of team avatar followed the three women, Tenzin and Lin walked side by side. 

"How have you two been?" He asked. "I feel like I haven't seen either of you in forever." It was true, of course, Kya would occasionally come to the island to visit her nieces and nephews, but mostly her and Lin had stayed confined to the city. The only time Kya actually talked to him about their relationship was in rather crude innuendos. 

"We've been good." Lin nodded. "Things have been surprisingly...-"

"Peaceful." Tenzin finished, and Lin couldn't help but agree. After years of political, spiritual, and military turmoil, it seemed that Republic City had finally found peace. It was odd, really, you would think that after so much war and conflict, that peace would be boring; but Lin was content. Content with waking up every morning next to Kya, content with going to work and getting through the day without a super-villain of the week trying to destroy the city, and content with coming home every night without a myriad of bruises. It was probably wishful thinking, that Republic City would remain peaceful for the rest of her life, but it was nice to live a normal life for once. 

"You've changed her a lot, you know." Tenzin murmured quietly. "I never thought she'd be the kind of person to settle down and find love but," He smiled. "She really loves you." 

Lin turned to look at him, slightly touched of his acknowledgment of their relationship. The one thing they both had is common was that they weren't great with overt expressions of emotions, so Lin understood what he was conveying. He was truly happy that both of them had found each other. Her gaze flitted back to Kya, who still had both her arms around Korra and Asami, no doubt telling them a story that was probably wildly inappropriate. 

"Yeah." Lin sighed. "I couldn't imagine my life without her."

* * *

Dinner at the island was its normal chaotic affair. Ikki and Jinora were arguing about something while Meelo egged them on, and Rohan sat silently next to his mother. The other kids could learn a little something from him. Kya was sitting next to Korra and Asami, listening to their recount of their vacation. Lin knew that Kya had always liked Korra, mostly because Kya said she saw a little bit of herself in the young avatar, even though she technically _was_ Kya's father. 

Somehow, Lin had ended up sitting next to Bolin, who for some reason, considered her his new best friend, now that he was dating her niece. Bumi was playing with his little pet spirit, which Lin honestly thought was a little weird, but then again, it was Bumi. Tenzin and Pema sat next to each other, engaging Mako in a conversation that Lin didn't care to listen to. 

Normally, a night like this would of driven Lin off the deep end; the incessant chattering of the lava-bender beside her, Tenzin's yelling children; but Lin could only focus on one person in the room. Kya shot her a glance from across the table, holding her gaze for as long as she could. The water-bender grinned and winked at her girlfriend, before turning back to her conversation with Korra and Asami. As much as Lin loved spending time alone with Kya, she didn't mind being surrounded by others, as long as she was there. The way the lines underneath Kya's eyes crinkled together when she smiled, or the way her laugh seemed to echo through her chest, were all things Lin experienced on a daily basis, but Lin had always been one for the little things, and Kya was her little thing and big thing all in one. 

Lin sighed contently, keeping her eyes on the water-bender across the table. Soon, the Bolin's chattering, the little air-bender's squeaky voices, and Bumi's weird spirit animal noises all faded, and the only thing Lin could hear was the sound of Kya's voice. 

* * *

"I'm really glad Korra and Asami are back." Lin lay across the couch in her apartment, reading a book as Kya's voice drifted through the kitchen. Lin just grunted in response as Kya walked into the living room, wearing one of Lin's tank tops, handing Lin a cup of tea. 

Kya sat down on the couch, taking Lin's legs and draping them over her lap. "I'm serious!" Kya continued, taking a sip of her tea. "They remind me a lot of us, you know." 

Lin looked up from her book and raised an eyebrow, slightly confused to how the avatar and her heiress of a girlfriend could possibly remind Kya of their own relationship. 

"Their auras are in harmony with each other's." Kya explained. "Their spiritual connection manifests itself into a metaphorical string, tying them together spiritually and physically, just like ours." Kya finished, with almost a dreamy look on her face.

"Have you been hitting the lilyweed again?" Lin snorted, and Kya swatted her knee lightly. 

"I'm serious!" Kya exclaimed again. "They have a true spiritual connection, just like us." Kya rested her head on Lin's knee, facing the earth-bender with a dreamy smile on her face. 

Lin groaned at put her book down on the table, and Kya took the opportunity to snuggle on top of Lin. 

"You are _such_ a hippie." Lin grumbled as Kya's familiar warmth settled on top of her. Kya just giggled and pressed a kiss into her shoulder. 

"Let's go to bed."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok! so first: if you haven't already, you should definitely check out my previous fic: "kyalin (aka the ship we all deserved) !! this fic takes place after the timeline of that one, it's not necessary to read it to understand this one, but there are gonna be some references in this fic that you won't understand unless you read my previous one :)
> 
> so this is just an introductory chapter but i promise things will start to pick up in the next one!   
> just warning yall that read my previous fic: i know my last fic was all sunshine and rainbows and full of fluff but this fic... prepare yourselves for angst, grief, death, and a whole lotta sadness! there will be a very happy ending but the ideas flitting around my head rn are gonna tear your hearts wide open YIKES   
> anyways thx for reading and prepare yourselves.. :)))))


	2. helpless

Lin opened her eyes suddenly. She'd always been a light sleeper, trained to wake at even the slightest of sounds. Her eyes quickly adjusted to the dark room. She felt Kya's warm body pressed up against her own. _It was probably nothing._ Lin thought to herself. But Lin had always been overly cautious, and that was one thing that had never changed. Lin swung her legs off the bed, and as soon as her feet touched the ground, she knew. 

"Kya! wake-" She immediately nudged Kya just as she felt something imbedded itself into her leg, and suddenly she couldn't move. Kya, who was now awake, adjusted to the situation just as two rather large figures in dark cloaks yanked her out of the bed by her hair. Lin watched, helplessly immobile, as Kya flailed around, trying to escape from their grip. Obviously not there for her, one slammed her head into the wall, and she crumpled to the floor. Lin heard one of them say something, but whatever they had injected her with was starting to kick in, and she floated out of consciousness with the final image of Kya's limp body on the floor. 

\--

_Hours later_

The usual warmth that Kya was accustomed waking up to was not what greeted her this morning. Bright sunlight stung her still closed eyes, and her head was throbbing. _Why am I on the floor?_

Suddenly everything came back to her. Lin shoving her awake, being dragged off the bed by her hair, then darkness. 

_Lin._

"Lin?!" Kya wasn't really sure why she was calling out for her; she knew she was gone. She remembered seeing dark figures carry Lin out of the bedroom before she faded out of consciousness. Her head spun as she heaved herself off the ground, and she felt something warm and sticky on the side of her head. _Probably blood._ She thought to herself.

But it didn't matter; because Lin was gone, and Kya needed to find her. 

\--

Tenzin had just finished getting ready for the day, and was making his way across the courtyard on the island; when he stopped in his tracks. His sister was sprinting towards the courtyard, half-dressed in a short silk slip, her hair tousled and matted. When she got closer to him, Tenzin could see the dried blood on the side of her head, and immediately rushed forwards to her. Kya stumbled in front of him, breathing heavily, and Tenzin reached out to steady her. She was trembling; gripping onto his robes so tight that her knuckles turned pale. 

"Kya? What ha-" 

"Lin's been taken." She cut him off, still trying steady herself. "They took her Tenzin, we need to find her." She rasped out, tears beginning to pool in her eyes. 

"We have to find her Tenzin." She repeated; her voice shuddering with every word. "We have to find her."

\--

Korra and the rest of team avatar burst into the dining hall on the island, Tenzin hadn't said much over the phone, and Korra wanted answers. She almost stopped short when she saw Kya sitting at the end of the table, a bandage on the side of her head; her normally bright blue eyes dull and shaken. 

"What happened to the chief?" Mako was the first to speak up, and Tenzin waved them all over to sit down. Korra took a seat next to Kya, and gingerly reached out to place a comforting hand on Kya's shoulder. The older woman jumped at the sudden touch.

"Kya, why don't you tell everyone what happened?" Tenzin said softly.

Kya nodded, hopefully all together they could figure out how to get Lin back. "Lin was already awake when I woke up." She began. "I guess I was still half-conscious, and two people grabbed me from behind." She took a deep breath, suddenly feeling very self-conscious of all the eyes on her. "There was another one making his way towards Lin, but she wasn't moving." Kya scrunched up her nose in confusion. _Why wasn't Lin moving?_ Now that all the adrenaline had faded from her system, she was remembering more and more details from last night.

"How did they subdue her?" Mako interrupted, sensing a pause in Kya's story. Kya pursed her lips, trying to remember all the details she could before they knocked her out. 

**

_Firm hands tangled themselves into her hair and yanked her off the bed. Another set of hands held her arms together. Flailing her legs wildly, Kya whipped around the best she could to look at Lin. Why wasn't she moving? There! Three dark red darts stuck out of Lin's left leg. Before Kya could see anything more, she felt her head make contact with the wall behind her, and darkness overtook her._

_**_

"There were darts." Kya answered. "Red ones. They had to be some kind of poison or tranquilizer, because Lin wasn't able to move."

"Wait, those are the same darts the Red Lotus used on me when they tried to kidnap me back in Zaofu!" Korra exclaimed. Kya couldn't believe it. _The Red Lotus? What did they want with Lin?_

"Shirshu venom." Tenzin nodded. "I suppose Zaheer inspired more people than we originally thought to join his cause."

"What do you mean?" Korra asked. The rest of the group looked to Tenzin, who was stroking his beard thoughtfully.

"After Zaheer poisoned you, Lord Zuko and I launched an incognito investigation into possible associates of the Red Lotus." He began. "We started in the Earth kingdom, because we got reports of secret underground 'initiation ceremonies' near the Si Wong Desert. We never found any evidence of it, so we abandoned our search. We had more important things to worry about with Kuvira and her growing army, so it was no longer a priority." 

"So we have no idea how many Red Lotus members there actually are?" Korra asked, slightly annoyed that Tenzin had kept his investigation from her. She was the avatar after all. Tenzin just shook his head solemnly. 

"The only thing we need to focus on is figuring out where they took Lin." Tenzin spoke up again. "I think our best bet is they took her somewhere in the Earth kingdom." 

"The Earth kingdom is huge, we can't just wander around it hoping to find the chief!" Mako exclaimed. 

Kya just sat there while they argued. She couldn't find her voice to speak up and contribute. _The Red Lotus? Why?_ It didn't make any sense. When they had attacked the group years ago, their singular focus was taking out Korra and other world leaders. What did that have to do with Lin? Zaheer was still safely locked away from what she understood, so how did Lin fit into this? 

Kya hadn't realized how hard she'd been clenching her fists underneath the table until Korra placed her hand on top of hers. Kya turned her head to look at the young avatar, and Korra smiled reassuringly. Kya was grateful for Korra's attempt to console her, but still could not bring herself to smile back. Her heart legitimately _hurt_. Her and Lin had survived through _so_ much together, but yet the love of her life was taken right out from under her nose. Kya had never felt more helpless in her entire life. 

\--

Kya stood watching the sun set on one of the cliffs, watching the waves crash down below her. The group had strategized all day on how to locate Lin, but it was useless. Mako was right, the Earth Kingdom was enormous, and the Red Lotus could be keeping her anywhere. It was the worst feeling in the world; not knowing where Lin was. Not knowing if she was okay. Not knowing if she was _alive_. It was suffocating. 

She didn't even notice when Korra came up behind her. 

"She's gonna be okay." Korra's gentle voice shocked Kya out of her thoughts, and she just shook her head lightly. 

"You don't know that." Kya tone was sad, and Korra desperately wished she could console the woman that had been like a second mother to her, but she had no idea what to say. The helpless feeling of not even knowing where to start looking had to be paralyzing for Kya. 

"No, I don't, but Lin is one of the strongest people I know," Korra said reassuringly. "She'll fight her way back to us. Back to you." 

Hearing Korra's words made Kya remember her and Lin's own promise to each other. Their promise to fight their way back to each other when the universe pulled them apart. And the universe seemed hell-bent on doing just that. 

"Thank you, Korra." Kya whispered. She made a mental note to give a more heartfelt thanks to Korra after this was all over. "Go get back to Asami." 

"I'm here if you need me Kya." She smiled warmly at the older woman and Kya did her best to smile back. Korra had grown up so much in the past few years. She really was wise beyond her years, despite all the trauma she'd endured. Kya watched Korra walk away, then turned back to the cliffside, focusing her energy on the steady crash of the waves below. Letting the sound of her element flow through her body, she took a deep breath. 

"I'm coming for you Lin. I promise."

* * *

Lin opened her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings. It was small room with wooden walls, and she was chained to the floor. She closed her eyes and focused her energy on the cuffs around wrists. _Platinum. Damn._ She continued to focus her energy, trying to feel the earth. She was obviously deep underground, and surrounded by either wood or extremely pure metal; because she could barely feel the earth beneath her. She had no idea how long she'd been out, most of her limbs still felt numb, so whatever they had injected her with was still in her system. 

The door at the front of the room opened, and a tall man wearing a red robe walked in. 

"Ms. Beifong." He greeted her coldly, closing the door behind him. Lin narrowed her eyes at him and didn't answer. He pulled a short, thick baton out from his robe, and Lin physically steeled herself for the impending interrogation. She wasn't scared of him in the slightest. 

"You have some information that I want." He walked towards her slowly, lightly tapping the baton against his hand. Lin just glared up at him from her position from the ground. 

"That's a shame, I'm not much of a talker." She sneered. The man just chuckled and continued making his way towards her. He knelt down so he was eye level with her. 

"We'll fix that in time." He placed the baton under Lin's chin and tilted it up to look at him. Lin immediately shook herself away from the baton in defiance. 

"Where are you keeping Zaheer?" He looked at her with such tenacity and Lin couldn't help but laugh. Out of all the people that wanted her dead, she had to get some Red Lotus fanboy?

When Zaheer had been captured by the group, Zuko had informed her where he was originally being held, but for security reasons, and to prevent situations exactly like this, The White Lotus moved Zaheer to a new location every six months. He was long gone now. Lin had no idea where he was.

Obviously not pleased by her humor at the situation, he struck her across the face with the baton, and she hit the wooden floor with a thunk. Her face stung from the sudden blow, but she'd received worse. She tasted blood in her mouth, and slowly sat back up to glare at him. He stood over her, baton ready in his hand. Lin just grinned, and with bloodstained teeth, spit at his feet. The mixture of blood and spit clung to the bottom of his robe. 

"Sorry to disappoint, but I could care less about your little _fan-club_ for Zaheer; you're wasting your time." She spat. Glowering down at her, he struck her again, and again, and again, and she welcomed the darkness of her fading consciousness. 

**

_Lin opened her eyes to see familiar blue ones staring down at her._

_"Why do you always have to watch me sleep?" She groaned, closing her eyes again as Kya giggled in response._

_"It's romantic!" Kya chuckled, running her fingers lightly down Lin's forearm._

_"It's creepy." Lin muttered, burying her head into her pillow. Kya just laughed again and draped her arm over Lin's back, pulling her closer._

_"I can't help it that my girlfriend is the finest woman in Republic City." Kya whispered, nuzzling herself deeper into Lin's neck._

_"You're so weird." Lin groaned into her pillow and Kya just giggled again, peppering Lin's bare back with light kisses._

_**_

When Lin woke again, she wasn't greeted by bright blue eyes, just the dark, unforgiving grey ones of the man above her. Her back wasn't met with sweet kisses, but with the steady sting of the platinum baton. Lin desperately wanted to give in, to let the darkness overtake her again, but she had made a promise. She'd promised Kya that she would fight her way back to her. And Lin was never one to break promises. She let each strike roll off of her, while images of Kya flitted through her mind. 

Bright blue eyes. 

_STRIKE._

The lines underneath her eyes that scrunched together when she laughed.

 _STRIKE._

Soft lips reserved just for her. 

_STRIKE._

Bronze skin against her pale bed-sheets. 

_STRIKE._

Kya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bro this chapter SUCKED im so sorry omg this has to be one of the worst things ive ever written in my life. im having major writers block rn i have a lot of ideas but like getting them all down is really kicking my ass yikes  
> anyways thanks for reading i love u guys i promise the next chapter's gonna be better :')))
> 
> also i think that Lin being kidnapped by the order is kinda ib songbook's 'elusive spirits', so definitely full credits to them.


	3. desperate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i literally lost sleep trying to write this chapter.. i kept waking up in the middle of the night with new inspo so i would get it all down and go back to sleep THEN ID WAKE UP AND DO IT AGAIN LOL  
> anyways i liked how this chapter turned out doe :)

Lin wasn't particularly sure how much time had passed since she'd been in this prison. Days? Weeks? She was always in or out of consciousness so keeping track of time proved to be difficult. When she was awake, they tortured her. When she was asleep, she thought of Kya. She preferred to be asleep. She had to admit, they had gotten a little creative with their torture mechanisms. Once they realized her lack of response to the baton, they tried things that Lin didn't even know were possible. At one point they even brought in a water-bender to drown her over and over again. Even though the actual drowning part wasn't pleasant, Lin's favorite part of the torture was the water-bender. It reminded her of Kya. 

**

_Tenzin's children shrieked as light mists of water rained down on them. Kya laughed, dancing on the balls of her feet, spinning around with the little air-benders as she showered them with light sprays of water. Lin watched off to the side, with a contented smile on her face. The way the sun reflected off Kya's dark skin never failed to make her breath catch in her throat. She remembered when Aang had said watching his wife water-bend was the most beautiful thing in the world. Toph had socked him in the shoulder and called something rather explicit, and Katara had kissed her husband's cheek lovingly. Lin understood completely now; watching Kya twirl around as sprays of water cascaded down her arms._

_She was beautiful._

_**_

But of course, it wasn't Kya that was in the dark room with her. There was no sunset, or shrieking air-benders. It was just another dark haired water-bender filling her lungs with water. The darkness came quicker every-time, and Lin welcomed the black. The darkness meant dreams of Kya; and that was the only thing keeping Lin alive. 

* * *

_Republic City_

It had been two days since Lin was taken, and almost everything they'd done in attempt to find her had failed miserably. Korra and Jinora had tried to do some spirit projection thing to try and connect with Lin's aura, but the image they got was shifty at best. Tenzin had radioed Su, and she was on her way to the island from Zaofu. It just seemed like one big nightmare. Kya hadn't slept, how could she? Lin was off probably getting tortured, and no one had any idea how to find her. Kya had been staying at the island, Tenzin said it was safer for her, but why did it matter? Lin's safety was the only thing she cared about, and even if they took her too, at least they would be together. 

Staying at the island brought up too many memories of the early stages of their relationship. Spirits, it was in Kya's very room that Lin confessed her love for her; it seemed like ages ago. Kya would do _anything_ to get those moments back. Secret liaisons, sneaking off the island at night, stolen kisses on the dock; Kya would do anything just to kiss her girlfriend again. Did she tell Lin she loved her that night? Kya didn't know. 

She closed her eyes and focused her mind on her breathing. Sitting in the east garden on the island usually always calmed her down enough to meditate, but her mind was spinning. Kya opened her eyes again, and stared at the pond of water in the center of the garden. She needed to swim. Being consumed by her element always made her feel better. Kya stripped off her blue dress in a single motion, and slipped into the cool water. She closed her eyes, focusing on the feeling of her element surrounding her body. 

**

_"Kya, what are you doing?" Lin asked incredulously, watching her girlfriend sprint towards the large pond at the center of the garden. Kya just grinned and tugged her dress over her head, diving into the water._

_"This is a public area, someone's gonna see." Lin grumbled, crossing her arms and looking down at the water-bender. Kya just chuckled and motioned for Lin to join her, and Lin immediately shook her head._

_"Absolutely not."_

_In response, Kya bent a long tendril of water in Lin's direction, wrapping it around her ankle._

_"Sorry chief, you're getting in with me one way or another; do you really want to get your uniform all wet?" Kya's eyes twinkled, and she gave the water tendril a little tug, causing Lin to step forwards. Lin groaned, but obliged, bending off her uniform while muttering something under her breath._

_"Spirits, it's cold!" Lin shivered as she slid into the pond, and Kya pulled her in close, wrapping her legs around the earth-bender's abdomen._

_"Aww, the great Chief Beifong doesn't like a little cold water?" Kya teased, pulling their bodies flush together._

_"Most sane people try to avoid hypothermia, you know." Lin grumbled, and Kya tilted her chin up to kiss her softly, silencing all other complaints. Lin's grip tightened around Kya's waist, pulling her impossibly closer, while Kya ran her fingers through Lin's greying hair._

_"Better?" Kya whispered, and Lin grunted in response, pulling her into another deep kiss._

**

"Kya!" She was shocked out of her own mind at the sound of her younger brother's voice. Tenzin approached her slowly, one hand over his eyes, shielding himself from the current state of his sister's undress. Kya heaved herself out of the water, bending the water off herself and slipping her dress back on. There, facing her brother, she couldn't help but tremble. Every time someone approached her during this time, she couldn't help but assume the worst. That Lin was dead. Her heart dropped to her feet every time. 

However, what Tenzin said filled her with just a sliver of hope.

"Mako called, we might have a lead." 

* * *

Tenzin, Bumi, and Kya walked into the police station, and were greeted by team avatar, and a tall man slumped over a chair. It was the middle of the night, and the full moon shone down through the windows; Kya felt it coursing through her veins. 

"I saw this guy sneaking out of the Chief's office." Mako informed the siblings, and the man in the chair looked up to sneer at them. There was something oddly familiar about him, but Kya couldn't place it. Korra yanked him out of the chair by his collar and slammed him against the wall. 

"Where is Chief Beifong?" She demanded, her fingers twisting into his collar. He only chuckled and glowered down at the young avatar. 

"You don't scare me, _avatar._ " He spat. Kya closed her eyes; she remembered his voice. 

**

_Kya's head made contact with the wall behind her with a sickening thump._

_"What do we do with her?" A deep, throaty voice floated through the bedroom, and Kya's vision blurred as she watched three figures carry Lin out of the bedroom._

_"It doesn't matter, our orders are for the Chief only." Kya heard another voice respond, just before she faded out of consciousness._

_**_

"He was there." Kya whispered, and Tenzin turned to look at her. "He was one of the guys that took her." At his sister's sudden confirmation, Tenzin turned to look at Mako and nodded slightly, as if to signal him that they had the right guy. 

"Where are you keeping her?" Mako demanded, stepping up to look at the man still against the wall. He just sneered back down at Korra and Mako, and Korra straight-up growled at him. 

"She'll be long dead by the time you figure it out." He chuckled. 

Kya felt so far away. _She'll be long dead before you figure it out._ Suddenly the voices around her faded away. She could only hear the sound of her blood rushing to her ears. Her head was pounding, yet she felt so disconnected from reality. Seconds blurred together and it felt like she was blacking out. 

Suddenly the man's arm twisted at an awkward angle, and slammed against the wall. Followed by the other arm, and then both of his legs. Korra and Mako both turned around, only to see Kya, one hand up in front of her face, palm facing the wall, in an oh so familiar stance. 

She was blood-bending him. 

The previous look of sadistic humor that once rested in the man's eyes was replaced by a look of pure fear as his limbs bulged under her grip. The group looked back at Kya in shock; the usually bubbly water-bender was eerily calm. 

" _Where_ is she?" Kya's voice was dangerously low, and it was like nothing the group had ever seen before.

"Kya, what are you doing?" Tenzin hissed, but she either didn't hear him, or was ignoring him, as she took a step closer to the Red Lotus member. Bumi shot a look at Tenzin; neither one of them had ever seen their sister like this, and it was more than terrifying. Kya had always been a gentle soul, she wasn't even much of a fighter, but the way she was walking towards the trembling man on the wall was bone-chilling. 

Kya clenched her upturned palm into a loose fist, and the man let out a guttural cry as the blood rushed to his head. No one was sure what to do. Korra couldn't tear her eyes away from Kya; it was like she was a different person. 

"Tell me where she is, or I swear to Raava I'll pop every vein in your body." Kya's voice was quiet, but her eyes were hard. The man on the wall whimpered, and Kya clenched her fist again, eliciting another strained cry from him. 

"Okay! There's an underground compound in the Si Wong Desert! Please just stop!" He cried out, muscles twitching. "Please just stop." Kya released her grip and he slumped to the ground. She stared numbly at the wall behind him. Mako continued asking him questions but Kya couldn't hear what he was saying. Tenzin stepped in front of her as she turned around to leave. 

"Kya what the _hell_ was that?!" He cried. "Blood-bending is illegal in Republic City!" Kya didn't answer him; walking past him and exiting the station. She wasn't sure whether it was the fresh air outside, or the rays of the full moon raining down on her, but suddenly the adrenaline faded, and she was left with the crushing guilt of her actions. 

Kya's hands shook by her sides, and she brought them up slowly in front of her face. Her hands trembled as she looked at them, and she let out a shuddering breath. The same hands she used to heal people had just blood-bended a man until he was begging for mercy. A tear slipped down her face. Then another. And another. She fell to her knees just as Tenzin exited the building, with Bumi following close behind. Tenzin immediately moved to her, gathering up his violently sobbing sister in his arms. Bumi followed close behind, draping his arms over his siblings. 

This was the first time Kya had allowed herself to cry after Lin had been taken. A few tears had slipped out occasionally, but Kya couldn't bring herself to really cry. It seemed unfair; that Lin was probably off somewhere getting tortured and Kya was just crying by herself. So she didn't. She kept the tears in, for Lin's sake. But now, all the emotions she'd been bottling up were spilling out; and Kya felt like she couldn't breathe. 

"I blood-bended." She rasped out. "I blood-bended, Tenzin." Her back heaved up and down as sobs racked her body, and Tenzin stroked her hair softly while Bumi tightened his embrace. 

"It's okay, Kya." Tenzin whispered soothingly, but Kya just continued to cry into his robe. He honestly had no idea what to say. He knew Kya was hurting, but seeing her blood-bend not only was extremely out of character, but it was horrifying to watch. He couldn't imagine how Kya was feeling because of it.

"What is _wrong_ with me?" She shuddered out. "I-I'm a horrible person." It was less of a statement and more of a realization; that Lin would of hated the person she'd become. Lin would hate _her_. 

"You are _not_ a horrible person, Kya." Bumi whispered, and Tenzin nodded his head in agreement. "You did what needed to be done." 

"Did I?" She sniffled again. "There were _so_ many other ways to get answers and I chose the worst of the worst. I'm no better than Yakone." Kya murmured bitterly. Neither Tenzin or Bumi knew what to say. Their sister couldn't seriously think she was at the same level as the maniacal criminal blood-bender from their youth; could she?

At that point, the rest of team avatar had exited the police station, only to be greeted by Bumi and Tenzin cradling a still shuddering Kya. Korra took a step forwards, wanting to comfort her, but stopped. This seemed like a family moment. 

"Let's give them some space." Asami whispered, lightly ushering the group away from the three siblings. She squeezed Korra's hand, but Korra couldn't take her eyes off the scene in front of her. She'd never seen Kya like this. She looked so, _fragile_. In every situation, Kya had been the level-headed one, the steady support system for people in pain. Korra never thought that Kya might not of had a support system for herself. Then it occurred to her that _Lin_ was Kya's support system; and Korra's heart broke for the two of them. 

"We need to go get her." Kya whispered, trying to compose herself. 

"We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning." Tenzin agreed.

"No, we can't wait that long." She extricated herself from her brothers embrace and stood up. Her legs were still shaking. "We need to go _now_." 

"Kya, I don't think that's a good idea. You look like you haven't slept in days, and you're in no shape to help anyone right now." Tenzin said matter-of-factly. He lowered his gaze. "And when we get there, Lin is probably going to need a lot of healing." He trailed off, but Kya got the picture. She needed to be strong. For Lin. 

But walking away from the police station, _Lin's_ police station, Kya felt anything but strong. She felt numb. 

She felt empty. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok im throwing canon compliancy out the window cause its too hard to write it perfectly LOL  
> anyways the next chapter is gonna be very kya-centric, and theres gonna be a lil bit of young kyalin :)))  
> let me know what you think down below, i love feedback! <333


	4. old wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a kya-centric chapter that doesn't fit the canon narrative AT ALL but enjoy :)  
> disclaimer: much like my last fic i changed kyalin's age gap to 2 years 
> 
> anyways when im a dumbass who doesn't save my work then my comp crashes and i lose the entire chapter :)))) i literally had to rewrite from scratch so i promise that first draft was actually sm better YIKEs

_Air Temple Island_

_Many decades ago_

"Oh come on, Lin!" A fifteen year old Kya was begging her friend to let her style her hair, but to no avail.

"No, my hair is fine." Even at thirteen, Lin Beifong was as stoic as the earth she bent, presumably a byproduct of her mother.

Most of the original team avatar and family stood around the courtyard of Air Temple Island; Toph, Aang, Katara, and Sokka stood off to the side talking, while Lin and Kya laid in the grass. Tenzin and Bumi had been roped into entertaining a rather rambunctious Suyin inside. 

"Come on," Kya giggled, tucking a flower behind Lin's ear. "You'll look great!" Lin brushed the flower out of her hair and blushed deeply. Suddenly, she scrunched up her nose and tapped her foot on the ground. 

"Someone's coming." As if on cue, the bodies of the adults twisted and contorted as a tall figure made it's way up the walkway. Kya didn't recognize him, but she recognized the way the adult's bodies were bulging; he was a blood-bender. 

"Let them go!" Even though she was barely a teenager, Lin's protective instinct took over, hurling a chunk of earth towards the man, only to be easily caught into his grip. 

"Yakone! What are you doing here?" Aang resisted against the grip, and Yakone only chuckled and tightened his fist, eliciting strained cries from the group. 

"Stop!" Kya launched a stream of water from her pouch at him, and with the glance of his eye, she was caught under his grip too. Even though he was bloodbending an entire group of people, Yakone didn't seem to even break a sweat. He glanced at Kya suddenly, and grinned manically, suddenly releasing everyone from his grip except her. The adults immediately took a fighting stance, but Yakone just shook his head and laughed again. 

"I wouldn't do that if I were you." He tsked. "If any of you move, I'll pop her head like cork." As if to prove he wasn't bluffing, he tightened his fist, and Kya let out a strained cry as the blood rushed to her head. It was the most painful thing she'd ever experienced. 

"Yakone, stop!" Katara had tears in her eyes, watching her only daughter at the mercy of the blood-bender. He just chuckled, swinging his arm so Kya was suspended in the air in front of him. Kya whimpered softly as he stared into her eyes. It felt like he was staring into her very soul. 

"So," He let out another throaty laugh. "Does the great _Master Katara_ know her precious little girl is a blood-bender?" He sneered, still looking at Kya. She gulped. Kya didn't want believe him. He had to be lying. 

"She's not a blood-bender, Yakone." Katara growled. "Leave her out of this." 

He brought her closer to his face, and Kya struggled under his grip. "I would recognize it anywhere." He sneered, looking her up and down. "The _avatar's daughter_ , a dirty little blood-bender just like me." He drawled. Kya shivered at his words. 

"What do you want, Yakone?" Aang demanded, and Yakone looked away to face the avatar. Still holding Kya in his grip, he sneered at the air-bender. 

"I want you," He motioned to the group. "All of you, to let me continue with my _business_ unhindered." He spat. "My clients and I don't really appreciate being interrupted by you and your merry little gang here."

"If you think you can come here and _blackmail_ me and my family, then you are sorely mistaken." Aang growled, taking a step forwards. Yakone narrowed his eyes. 

"I don't think you're really in a position to negotiate, _avatar_." He spat. He tightened his fist again and Kya screamed. She felt blood run down her nose and out the corners of her mouth. It was warm and sticky on her face. She wasn't sure if the liquid spilling out of her eyes was blood or tears. Katara had one hand over her mouth, crying silently as she helplessly watched her only daughter being tortured. 

"Alright, just stop!" Aang cried, who obviously had enough of watching his daughter bleed. "I'll do what you want, just leave her alone." Yakone chuckled again at the avatar's concession. 

"Pleasure doing business with you." He began walking away from the island, but didn't release Kya from his grip until he was safe distance away. Upon the release, Kya crumpled to the ground, and Aang and Katara rushed forwards. Cradling their daughter in their arms, Katara wiped the mixture of blood and tears from Kya's face, as Aang stroked her head in comfort. 

"Toph, I think the children should stay here tonight, the city is too dangerous for them with Yakone at large." Aang said seriously. Toph just nodded and waved her hand. 

"I'm going to get my metal benders; this ends today." She growled, taking one last look at a trembling Kya before stalking off towards the city with Sokka behind her. 

"I don't want to be a blood-bender." Kya's voice broke as she cried into her mother's chest. Katara stroked her daughter's hair softly as she shook violently in her embrace. How Yakone could torture a child like this was beyond her. 

Suddenly, watching Kya's back heaving up and down in sobs stirred something loose in Lin. She had just watched her best friend be tortured in front of her, and she did nothing to stop it. Lin hated feeling helpless. Suddenly, she had an overwhelming need to protect Kya, to shield her from all pain that came her way. Kya was older than her, but in that moment, Lin wanted nothing more to protect her, and only her.

\--

That night, screams rang through the children's dormitory. Immediately recognizing the sounds coming from Kya's room, Lin leaped out of bed and peeked into the hallway. Kya's room door was slightly ajar, and Lin could see Aang and Katara rocking their daughter back and forth as she trembled in their embrace. Su walked out of her room next, sleepily rubbing her eyes. 

"What's going on?" Su mumbled sleepily, stepping out into the hallway. 

"Nothing, go back to bed." Su tried to peek into Kya's room but Lin immediately stepped in front of her. She didn't want Su to see Kya like this, and Kya deserved her own privacy. 

"Go back to bed, Su!" She snapped. Su just stuck out her tongue and glared at her older sister. 

"You're so mean." She grumbled as she walked back into her room, closing the door behind her. Lin sighed and hid behind the doorframe of her room, close enough to hear Kya crying, but far enough so they wouldn't see her. She waited until Aang and Katara left, then waited in front of Kya's door. The door was still ajar, so she could see Kya's back to her, still trembling quietly. She took a step, but wasn't sure if she should go in. Maybe Kya wanted to be alone. 

"You can come in, Lin." Kya sniffled, and Lin stepped in and lightly closed the door behind her. 

"Sorry, I just didn't know if you wanted to be alone." Kya turned around on the bed, and Lin saw that her eyes were red and puffy. 

"I really don't." Kya patted the spot on the bed next to her and Lin froze. They used to sleep in the same bed all the time when they were little, but for some reason it felt _different_ now. 

"Please Lin," Kya whispered. "I really don't want to be alone right now." Lin nodded and tentatively climbed into the bed next to Kya, sliding her arm underneath the pillow so she was facing her friend. A tear slipped out of Kya's eye and landed on the bridge of her nose. Lin internally wanted to reach out and wipe it away. She didn't. 

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" Kya asked quietly. Lin was shocked, she didn't really know what to say. Of course Kya wasn't a bad person? Did she really think she was? Kya was one of the most amazing people Lin had ever met. She was kind, and sweet, and caring, if anything she was an _great_ person. She was perfect. 

"Of course not, why would you think you are?" Lin asked quietly. Kya wasn't looking at her. She couldn't.

"Because I'm a blood-bender, just like Yakone." She murmured bitterly. His words rang through her head. _The avatar's daughter, a dirty little blood-bender, just like me._

"Do you even know if you can?" Lin asked, and Kya finally made eye contact with her. Her normally bright blue eyes were red and puffy.

"A couple years ago I asked mom about it." Kya began. "She got really mad and told me to never bring it up again." She sighed and averted her eyes. "I was really upset, and I went to the library to do some research on my own, I was just curious." She admitted. "I found this old book on all the sub-forms of water-bending, and there was a page on blood-bending. It had some forms on it, and it was really scary. I went home and I just wanted to forget all about it." She sniffled again, and Lin wished she knew how to comfort her. She wasn't really great with words, and hugs made her uncomfortable. She settled with putting a single hand on Kya's shoulder. 

"When Yakone was blood-bending me," Kya shuddered again, obviously terrified at reliving the trauma. "I don't know how to explain it but I _felt_ it." She closed her eyes and the images flashed through her head again. "I think he's telling the truth." Tears started to fall again and Lin wasn't sure what to do. She squeezed Kya's shoulder lightly. Without warning, Kya slid herself closer to Lin, so their foreheads were touching. Lin swore they were about to kiss. Kya then tilted her head down until it rested into the crook of Lin's neck, and she felt a warm hand slide across her waist, as Kya pulled her body flush against her. Lin tried her best to keep her breathing even, but her heart was racing. _Why was it racing?_ She felt the cold tears on Kya's face slip down her neck; the sensation sent shivers down her spine. She just patted Kya's back numbly as she cried into her neck. 

"Thank you, Lin." Kya whispered. The feeling of Kya's breath against her neck was like nothing Lin had ever experienced before, but it felt so unbelievably right. She let Kya cry herself to sleep, and eventually, Kya's steady breathing lulled Lin to sleep as well.

* * *

_Air Temple Island_

_Present Day_

Kya couldn't sleep. She'd promised her brothers she'd try and get some sleep for tomorrow, but she tossed and turned all night. Every time she closed her eyes the image of the man she blood-bended stared right back at her. She sat up in bed, rubbing her temples. She didn't even feel tired, why couldn't they just go get Lin now? Spirits, she needed to try and sleep. The sooner she could fall asleep, the sooner they could go and rescue Lin. It was futile, though. She couldn't even close her eyes without violent images flashing through her head. She swung her legs off the bed and made her way to the bathroom. Flipping on the light, she made her way over to the sink and bent over, splashing water over her face. It felt good. Tilting her head back up to look in the mirror, she shrieked when she saw what was staring back at her. 

It was her, but not her. The woman staring back at her had eyes that glowed red, her lips twisted up in a sadistic smile, palm upturned in a blood-bending stance. Kya trembled, closing her eyes again, and gripped the edges of the sink. 

"It's not real." She whispered to herself. She gripped the edges of the sink so hard her knuckles turned white. "It's all in your head."

"Hello, _Kya_." Kya's eyes flew open at the sound of the voice she hadn't heard in years. The man in the mirror staring back at her had haunted her dreams since she was a teenager. 

"Yakone?" She shuddered as she said his name out loud. _It's not real._ _He can't hurt you anymore._

"Miss me?" He sneered, and Kya clamped her eyes shut. _He's not real. He's been dead for years. He's gone._

"It's nice to see that you grew up to be so much like me, I'm _touched_." He snarked, and Kya gripped the sink even harder. 

"I am _nothing_ like you." Kya whispered, her eyes still shut tightly. 

"Who are you trying to convince?" He chuckled. "Me, or yourself?" 

"You-you ruined me!" She opened her eyes to glare into the mirror. "You traumatized me! I was _a child_! And you _tortured_ me!" Kya couldn't stop her voice from breaking, and the figure in the mirror just laughed at her. 

"Let's face it, _Kya_ , you ruined yourself." He spat. " _You_ chose to bloodbend, not me. " 

"Stop." She whispered, shutting her eyes. _He's not real._

" _You_ were the one that used it, not me." He sneered, continuing. 

"Please stop."

"That power runs in _your_ veins, and YOU used it." He glowered down on her, and Kya released a shaky breath. _Please stop._

"YOU are the only bloodbender here, I'm gone, but YOU are carrying on my legacy." He laughed again and all Kya could do was squeeze her eyes shut and wish he would go away. 

"Please leave me alone." She begged, her voice barely above a whisper. 

"You're the blood-bending daughter I never had." And just like that, he was gone. Kya slowly opened her eyes to find her own reflection staring back at her. But for the first time in her life, her reflection was unrecognizable. Every feature seemed foreign to her, every wrinkle, every age spot. _You're the blood-bending daughter I never had._ She'd worked _so hard_ her entire life to heal from the trauma Yakone inflicted on her as a girl, but somehow he'd wormed his way back in. There, staring at herself in the mirror, the only thing she felt was disgust. She was _disgusted_ with herself for allowing him to control her life again. Even after all these years, he still had her in his grip. 

She needed to get out of here. 

\--

Kya sat in the same spot in the gardens as she was earlier, letting the cool wind blow through her hair. The fresh air had helped calm her mind a little bit, but not much. Yakone's voice was still ringing in her ears. Why was she so weak? She wasn't a helpless little girl anymore, so why did he still have _so_ much power over her? Then another thought occurred to her. Would Lin still love her when they got her back? Would she hate the person she'd become? Kya couldn't bear to lose Lin too. 

A body settling down next to her caused Kya's breath to catch in her throat. _Yakone again?_

"Hey sis." _Bumi._ Kya exhaled at her brother's familiar voice. She turned to look at him. He was smiling, but his eyes were etched with worry. "Can't sleep?" Kya shook her head and he patted her shoulder lightly. 

"Kya, why did you compare yourself to Yakone back there?" She turned to look at him, he looked so worried. She never told either of her brothers about her experience with Yakone. She wasn't sure why she didn't. It just felt like something she needed to get through on her own.

"You can talk to me, Kya." He smiled and nodded reassuringly and Kya sighed, drawing her knees to her chest. He deserved to know. 

"Bumi, did Dad ever tell you about that time Yakone came to the island?" Bumi knit his eyebrows together, trying to remember. 

"Yeah, but he just said Yakone tried to blackmail him." Bumi replied, but judging by the look in his sister's eyes, he realized there was much more to it than that. "What did he do to you, Kya?" He could feel the pain radiating off his sister in waves, and he almost didn't want to know what that monster did to his little sister. 

"He did blackmail Dad," Kya whispered. "But he used me to do it. He bloodbended me until blood was coming out of every orifice." She drew her knees in tighter to her chest as she stared at her feet. "He told me that I was a blood-bender, just like him." She shuddered again. "I didn't want to believe him, I just pushed it down deep inside. I had nightmares for months." She admitted.

Finally getting the courage to look at her brother, his eyes reflected pure sadness. Pure guilt. 

"Why didn't you tell me, Kya?" Bumi's voice practically dripped with culpability for his little sister. She had been deeply traumatized, and he didn't know anything about it. The guilt he was feeling was immense. 

"I'm not sure." She admitted thoughtfully. "I guess I just didn't want to relive it." Her gaze dropped again. "But I just did." Images of Yakone and the man she bloodbended flashed through her mind again and she closed her eyes sharply. _No more crying._

Bumi reached over and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Kya." He whispered. "I'm so sorry for what he did to you." Kya let herself melt into her brother's embrace. She didn't realize how badly she needed a hug. 

"We'll get her back." Bumi whispered. "I promise." He would make sure his little sister was happy for the rest of her life, no matter the cost. It was his duty. Kya pulled away and patted his cheek affectionately. 

"Thank you, Bumi." She wasn't sure if she should tell him about the hallucinations, but she decided against it. It would only worry him more. 

"Come on, you should get some sleep." He got up and extended a hand to her, but Kya shook her head. 

"I just need another minute, okay?" Bumi looked like he wanted to argue, but decided against it. He nodded, and gave Kya one last smile before walking away.

Watching her brother walk away, Kya sighed heavily. Telling Bumi about Yakone had actually made her feel lighter; it felt like she wasn't the only one carrying that burden anymore. Maybe she could get past this. Kya took a deep breath, letting the deep rays of the full moon penetrate her skin. 

She'd been fighting Yakone and the trauma he inflicted on her for her entire life, and Kya thought she'd healed, but she truthfully only pushed it down. Bloodbending the Red Lotus member had stirred up all the memories that she'd suppressed, and she fell apart. Yakone might of traumatized her beyond repair, but at the end of the day, she won. He was gone, and she was still here. Bloodbending that man would likely stay with her for the rest of her life, but she could deal with that. Telling Bumi was just the first step. Maybe after she got Lin back, she would finally be ready to move on, and accept what happened to her. She took another deep breath and looked up at the stars spattered across the night sky.

"Hold on baby." Kya whispered. "I'm coming for you." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me projecting my own personal issues into this chapter.. 
> 
> anyways in case you didn't pick it up, the first figure that kya sees in the mirror is a callback to korra's own struggles with ptsd and her trauma inflicted by zaheer, i really wanted to connect their traumas together bc i want to link them together too, we were really robbed by not getting an on-screen friendship between them.   
> also we all know that lin would NEVER leave or be disappointed with kya, but this chapter was all about kya's deepest fears and traumas and losing lin is included in that ;(((  
> and yes this chapter was SO far off the canon narrative but lmk what you guys thought <33


	5. operation lin

_STRIKE._

Something metal struck Lin across the face. The baton again? Her left eye was swollen shut so she couldn't really identify whatever was being used. 

"You in the mood to talk yet?" He demanded, his arm suspended above his head ready to strike her again. 

"Not quite." Lin snarled. Her face stung again. He grabbed her by her collar and yanked her up to face him. 

"Give up, Beifong." He growled. " _No one_ is coming to save you." Lin spit at him in disgust, the blood from her mouth now dripping down his chin. He threw her across the room, but the chains kept her from going too far, yanking her back has she collided with the floor. Lin rolled over on her back to see him wiping his mouth and standing over her. She could see the baton clearly now as he twirled it around on his hand. Even though it sent waves of pain through her ribcage, Lin chuckled maniacally. He didn't scare her. He couldn't break her. She had faith Kya would come for her, she just had to wait him out. 

"Fuck you." 

_STRIKE._

* * *

The trip to the Si Wong Desert didn't take long at all, but it felt like years to Kya. They had landed a couple miles from the compound, the desert didn't supply them with much cover, so they would have to finish the rest of the trip underground. The compound was much smaller than Kya expected, but she guessed that it was more expansive underground. The rescue team included Korra and the rest of team avatar, Tenzin, Bumi, Su, and Opal. 

"Remember, Chief Beifong is the only friendly in the building." Mako's voice rang through the air as Oogi landed in the sand. "Our main objective is stealth, there is nothing stopping them from killing her once they know we're on site." The group nodded and Su bent a hole open in the sand, and one at a time they jumped in. Bumi and Opal had agreed to stay behind with Oogi, keeping watch on the compound from a distance. 

Korra and Tenzin bent an air-shield around the group, while Su bent the sand away in front of them. Kya's heart was racing. What if they were too late? They should of gone last night. Kya would never be able to forgive herself if they had waited too long. After all, she was the reason why they didn't leave last night. The thought was paralyzing. 

When they finally reached the first wall of the compound, they quickly realized it was metal. They had to be keeping Lin in some kind of wooden cell, with walls thick enough so she couldn't feel the earth and metal surrounding her. Su bent the wall open and they stepped into the compound. It resembled a sort of maze, with winding hallways and very little rooms. Su slammed her foot against the ground, using her seismic sense to locate her sister. 

"Hey!" Three Red Lotus members in long robes rounded the corner, and one launched a plume of fire at them. _Firebenders? In the Earth Kingdom? Maybe the Red Lotus did have an international presence,_ Kya thought.

Mako stepped forwards to block the flame, the rest of team avatar following his movements. "Go find Lin!" Korra exclaimed. "We'll hold them off!" Su grabbed Kya's hand and led her down the hallway, and Kya let her lead her through the winding hallways of the compound. They stopped in front of large wooden door, and Su nodded her head. Kicking it down, they were greeted by a tall man standing over Lin, who was crumpled and chained to the floor. Su shot a chunk of metal towards him, which hit him straight in the back. 

"Get to Lin." Su growled. "I'll take care of him." He lunged at Su, who easily dodged him, using her cables to lead him away from her sister. Kya took the opportunity to side step the battle, moving over to Lin. She wasn't moving. Kya kneeled down and pressed two fingers against Lin's carotid, desperately feeling for a heartbeat. She exhaled in relief when she felt the familiar thump against her fingers. It was faint, but it was there. Kya had no time to waste. 

She pulled the water out of her pouch and quickly assessed Lin's injuries. A fractured spine and several broken ribs were the most serious, along with a completely shattered kneecap. Her body was covered in superficial lacerations, but Kya could fix those later. She guided her hands along Lin's ribcage, using the healing water to re-secure her ribs in place. She could hear Su still engaged in a feisty battle with the Red Lotus member, but she kept her focus on Lin. 

"Kya?" A raspy voice underneath her hands caused Kya's heart to leap in her chest. 

"I'm here baby, just stay still." She whispered. Lin exhaled and closed her eyes, letting the cool feeling of the healing water slide over her chest and back. Kya felt Lin clench the fabric of her dress as the water moved down to her back and to her knee. Kya leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to Lin's cheek. "I'm almost done." Lin reached up to try and touch Kya's face, but the chains still attached to her wrist stopped her. 

"I'll get these off in a minute." Kya murmured, and Lin moved her head in what could be construed as a nod before leaning her head back against the floor. Her left eye was still swollen shut, so it was hard to really see the woman in front of her, but the outline of silver and blue kneeling above her was enough to fill her heart with euphoria. Kya looked over her shoulder at Su, who was currently wrapping her cables around the Red Lotus man, before throwing him against the wall. Once she was certain he was unconscious, Su rushed over to Kya and her sister. 

"Hey Lin." Su grinned as she kneeled down next to her sister. "You look great." 

"Shut up Su." 

"We need to get her out of here, I can finish the rest later." Kya froze the remaining water onto the chains, which broke easily against Su's metal-bending. The chains fell unceremoniously to the ground with a clang, and Lin rubbed the red marks on her wrist. Su and Kya gently took Lin's arms and draped them over their shoulders, slowly walking her out of the building and into the hallway. 

They followed the sounds of conflict down the hallway, rounding the corner to see Tenzin and team avatar engaged in a fierce battle with several Red Lotus members. 

"Tenzin!" The air-bender turned around to see Su and his sister slowly walking a bruised and bloody Lin Beifong down the hallway. He immediately rushed over and lended his shoulder to Lin, while Su metal-bent the wall open. They piled in one by one, and Korra bent the wall shut behind them. Su tunneled the group up through the sand, the warm sunlight of the desert beat down on the group when they reached the surface. Tenzin took a small whistle out of his pocket and blew into it. The familiar groan of Oogi seemed to echo through the vast desert as Bumi and Opal flew into view. 

The group quickly piled on top of the air bison, taking off and leaving the desert behind. Kya pulled Lin's head into her lap and brought more water out from her pouch; intent on healing the rest of Lin's injuries. Kya felt Lin's hand slide over her forearm, gripping it tightly. Kya smiled down at her girlfriend, who looked like she was about to pass out. 

"Get some rest." Kya whispered gently, and Lin gripped her arm tighter in response. "I'm never leaving your side again." 

Lin didn't want to sleep; she wanted to keep her gaze on Kya for as long as possible, because if this whole ordeal had taught her anything, it was that nothing was definite. She wanted to trace her finger across every wrinkle, every mole; she wanted to bury her head into Kya's silver hair, she wanted to inhale her familiar scent again. She wanted everything all at once. But for now, she would let Kya's soft voice lull her to sleep.

* * *

Lin wasn't completely sure where she woke up. She rubbed her eyes lightly as they adjusted to her surroundings, which she eventually recognized as Air Temple Island. Specifically, Kya's room on the island. She sat up slowly, testing her body. To her surprise, she felt fantastic. A little sore, but better than she'd felt in days. Kya had definitely done some serious work on her. Almost on cue, the door opened and Kya stepped in, holding a bowl of water and a towel. 

"Lin, you're awake!" Kya placed the bowl and towel on the nightstand and sat on the edge of the bed. "How are you feeling?" 

"I feel fine." Lin reassured her, but Kya's brow was still knit together in worry. 

"Are you sure? Because I brought the water and I personally think that you should-" Kya was cut off when lips crashed against her own, dissolving the words perched in her throat. Wrapping her arms around Lin, Kya let herself melt. She let herself forget about The Red Lotus, Yakone, her blood-bending; she let herself go, into a free-fall where she wasn't afraid to hit the ground. Lin held Kya tightly in her arms, savoring the warmth against her lips. _This_ was what she'd fought for. What she'd endured days of seemingly endless torture for. What she promised to live for. 

"You talk too much." Lin murmured, resting her forehead against Kya's. In response Kya leaned in again, pressing another long kiss against the earthbender's lips.

Both women reluctantly pulled away, only for Kya to reach forwards again and wrap Lin in a tight hug. 

"I can't imagine a life without you." Kya whispered, her breath tickling Lin's neck. Lin's hand rested on the small of Kya's back, and she dipped her head to press a soft kiss to the water-bender's shoulder. 

"You'll never have to." Normally Lin never liked promising things like that, but something about Kya seemed _off._ She seemed different. Lin wasn't much for auras, or anything spiritual really, but she could sense that something was wrong. Maybe Kya was just worried about her. Maybe. Before she could ask, the door opened and Tenzin and Korra walked in. Kya pulled away from Lin and turned to face the duo. 

"We're sorry to interrupt." Tenzin apologized, and Korra shot a sympathetic smile at Kya. "How are you feeling Lin?" 

"I'm fine." Lin waved her hand dismissively and, much to Kya's protests, swung her legs off the bed and stood up. "They're looking for Zaheer." Kya shot a look at Korra, who just crossed her arms over her chest and straightened her shoulders. 

"I think they're planning something big." Lin continued. "Something they can't do without Zaheer." Tenzin knit his brow together thoughtfully and Korra spoke up.

"When we were fighting, there were a lot of them," She admitted. "They were all different benders, but most of them were-" 

"Earthbenders." Lin finished. "I think they're from Kuvira's army." 

"Kuvira?" Korra mused. "Why would Kuvira's soldiers join the Red Lotus?" 

"While it's true that Kuvira forced a lot of her army into service, most of them truly believed in her cause." Lin explained. "It's possible many of them belonged to the Red Lotus while they fought for Kuvira, and after you defeated her," She nodded at Korra. "Many of them probably felt they needed to belong to something." 

"But Zaheer and Kuvira had completely different ideologies." Tenzin mused. "Kuvira wanted a military dictatorship, and Zaheer wanted pure anarchy." Lin nodded in agreement.

"But they both had hate for the avatar." Lin finished. The group turned to look at Korra, who just shook her head. 

"So what, they're all coming after me again?" Korra ran a hand through her hair, but didn't look scared. She had healed from the trauma Zaheer and the Red Lotus inflicted on her long ago; she was no longer scared of them. 

"No, I don't think so." Lin replied. "I think their singular focus is finding Zaheer first, and the only other person that knows is President Raiko." Tenzin nodded immediately. 

"He needs to be warned." He stroked his beard. "We can have him stay here on the island until we have the situation under control." Korra nodded. "I'll get him over here." 

"I'll go with you, I need to drop by the station anyways." Lin agreed, and Korra nodded her head again. Tenzin and Korra turned around to leave and Kya grabbed Lin's hand softly. 

"Lin, you just got back," Kya's eyes were etched with worry, and; _something else_. Lin wasn't sure what it was. "You need to rest, you've been through a lot the past few days." Lin felt her heart clench a little when Kya's eyes met hers. The waterbender's normally bright and cheery blue eyes were dull and tired. Lin gently took Kya's other hand in her own, intertwining their fingers. 

"I'll be fine." Lin whispered, gently cupping Kya's face in her hands. Kya kept her hands wrapped around Lin's arms, still looking at her shoes. She needed to tell Lin about her bloodbending. She deserved the know. But the words tangled themselves deep in Kya's throat, and she couldn't get them out. She couldn't. Lin would _hate_ her. Kya knew it. 

"Kya, look at me." Lin's gentle voice brought her back to the present. Kya brought her gaze up to look at her partner. She looked so worried. Kya didn't deserve her concern. She didn't deserve her. 

"You know I love you right?" Kya closed her eyes, letting Lin's words roll off her. _Lin loved her._

_She won't love you after she finds out._

_Stop._

_She'll hate you._

_No, she loves me._

_For now._

Kya silenced her intrusive thoughts by pressing her lips against Lin's; desperately needing to feel a human connection. "I love you too." She whispered, doing her best to hide the tremble in her voice. Lin rested her forehead against Kya's, letting herself savor their breaths mingling together. 

"I'll be back." She tilted Kya's head down to press a long kiss to her forehead. "I promise." She saw her uniform laying on the floor next to the bed. Kya must have brought it for her. She bent the cool metal onto her body, keenly aware of Kya's eyes on her. She made her way to the door, stopping to take once last glance at the waterbender. Kya mustered a reassuring smile, but Lin could see just the slightest twitch of her lower lip. Lin wanted desperately to rush back to her and ask her what was bothering her; to hold her until she saw the lopsided grin Lin loved so much. But she had a job to do. With a heavy heart, Lin walked out of the room, closing the door behind her. 

When the door closed, Kya exhaled shakily, hanging her head. She _had_ to tell her. She walked over to sit on the edge of the bed, holding her head in her hands. Staring numbly at the ground beneath her feet, she tried her best to clear her head. She hadn't had thoughts this intrusive since she was a girl. She hadn't felt this _scared_ since she was a girl. Constantly looking her over shoulder, afraid to look in the mirror in case the hallucinations were back, she was _scared_. She was exhausted. 

\--

Korra was waiting for Lin in the courtyard, and the two women fell in a steady stride on their way into the city. 

"Korra, can I ask you something?" Korra turned her head to look at her. 

"Sure, what's up?' Lin pursed her lips and paused, as if she had difficulty getting the words out. 

"What happened while I was away?" Korra knit her eyebrows together, confused by what she meant. 

"What do you mean?" Lin turned to look at her, and there was no mistaking the worry in her eyes. 

"I _mean_ , did something happen to Kya?" Lin wasn't sure if it was the bluntness of her tone that caused Korra's eyes to immediately dart to her shoes, or if it was because she was right. 

"Korra?" The avatar sighed and refocused her gaze to Lin. She remembered the way Kya had crumpled to the floor outside the police station, and how she'd cried violently into her brother's arms. Bloodbending had undoubtedly taken a toll on Kya's psyche, but it wasn't Korra's place to tell the chief. 

"Lin I-" Korra paused again, not sure how to phrase what she wanted to say. "It's not my place to tell you." Lin felt her heart clench. Something _had_ happened to Kya. And she wasn't there. The realization hit her that Kya probably suffered just as much as she did in the past few days, if not more. 

"Korra, what ha-" Korra just shook her head, and Lin stopped, Korra was right, this was a discussion for her and Kya.

"All I can say is that you should definitely talk to her." Korra murmured and Lin nodded her head absentmindedly. Korra put a reassuring hand on Lin's shoulder, and judging by the way Lin didn't immediately shrug it off, Korra realized Lin was hurting too. There was a lot of that going around apparently. 

"If you want, I can go get Raiko by myself and you can get back to Kya?" Korra offered quietly, but Lin just shook her head and continued making her way to the ferry. 

"No, let's finish this first." Korra figured that was the best she was going to get from the chief, and followed her down the tiled walkway. She loved Lin and Kya's relationship; she'd always considered herself their biggest fan. Kya had been like a second mother to her, and Lin, well, she actually really admired the chief, even though they got off to a rocky start. Korra would of never expected two women like Lin and Kya to work so well together, but they just fit. Like two pieces of a puzzle. She hoped they could work through this. 

\--

After explaining the situation to President Raiko, and strategizing the best course of action to deal with the Red Lotus situation, the moon was high in the sky; and Lin was tired. She would stay on the island with Kya until the situation was resolved, obviously her apartment wasn't the safest place for either of them at this point. She opened the door to see Kya standing out on the balcony, staring out at the city in the distance. Her silver hair was let down, and billowed in the wind with her hem of her blue robe. Lin bent off her uniform and approached her quietly, reaching out to put a soft hand on the small of her back. Kya jumped and turned around at the sudden touch, but exhaled quietly when she realized it was Lin. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you." Lin murmured. Kya just shook her head lightly and offered Lin a faint smile. 

"Is everything okay with Raiko?" Kya asked; it was an obvious distraction tactic, but Lin just nodded in response. 

"Kya, we need to talk." Kya felt her heart drop. Her stomach churned. _She knew._ _Lin was going to leave her._

"What happened when I was gone, Kya?" Lin gently took both of Kya's hands in her own, caressing the soft skin underneath her thumbs. Kya took a deep breath. She had to tell her. Lin deserved to know. Even though she would probably hate her. Kya opened her mouth, but no words came out. Her throat felt dry, like gravel had been shoved down it. She gulped and opened her mouth to try again, but it was the same outcome. The words were in the back of her throat, but she couldn't push them up. 

Why was it so hard for her to admit this?

_Lin, I bloodbended._

_Lin, I've been hallucinating the man that tortured me when I was fifteen._

_Do you hate me?_

Sensing her partner's inner struggle, Lin pulled Kya closer to her, and Kya immediately wrapped her arms around the earth-bender's shoulders, and Lin stroked the bottom of Kya's hair softly. 

"You don't have to tell me everything right now." Lin soothed. "Let's go to bed, and we can talk in the morning, okay?" Kya nodded and let Lin lead her into the bedroom; it had been so long since she'd really slept. She couldn't deal with the nightmares. Maybe now that Lin was back, she could sleep in peace. She crawled into bed next to Lin, lying on her side so both women were facing each other. Lin reached out to softly trail a finger across Kya's cheekbone; stopping to brush a strand of silver hair behind her ear. 

"You need to know that I love you, Kya." Lin whispered. "Always, no matter what." Kya gazed back at her lover, desperately wishing she could form words to tell her everything. But her mouth betrayed her once again, silencing the words forming in her brain. So she let her heart lead her instead. Kya leaned forwards to press a soft, slow kiss to Lin's lips, who continued to stroke her cheekbone as their lips moved in synchrony. 

Kya held onto Lin tightly, as if the earthbender would float into the wind if given the chance. Her mind was screaming with things she wanted to tell Lin, but they refused to leave her mouth. Maybe tomorrow things would be better. Maybe tomorrow Kya would finally be able to admit to Lin what she had done. But for now, she wanted to enjoy the soft feeling of Lin's lips against her own, and the tight, but warm grip Lin's arm had around her waist. She wanted to enjoy these kind of moments as long as she could. 

Sleep came easier than it had in days for Kya, and she could tell it had for Lin too, by the steady rise and fall of her chest. Kya fell asleep listening to the rhythmic thump of Lin's heartbeat, praying to the spirits that she would never have spend another day apart from the woman she loved. She hoped they were merciful. 

* * *

_The Si Wong Desert_

"I've chosen you all for special mission." The tall man walked stiffly in front of roughly twenty or so Red Lotus members. They stood at attention, gazes straight ahead, shoulders back, as their superior paced in front of them. 

  
"While Ms. Beifong was uncooperative to our goal," He continued. "I doubt their poor excuse of a _president_ will be as tight-lipped." He paused in front of the many lines of soldiers, studying the group. 

"However, procuring the President of Republic City is not our only goal." He continued to pace, his eyes still on the men in front of him. "We will begin the mission sent to us from the very beginning." He stopped again to glare at the member in front of him. "Avatar blood still runs free, in Avatar Aang's children, his grandchildren, and of course, Avatar Korra." He spat her name as if it was poison in his mouth. 

"We will not rest until every _drop_ of Avatar blood is spilled." He glowered. "Do you understand?" 

"YES SIR!" The loud voices of eager soldiers rang through the room. They believed wholly in their cause. They could not wait to spill the first drop of blood. The first kill would bring pride to their name. 

"Good." 

"Let's take a trip to Republic City." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me using sokka's line in atla with kyalin..   
> anyways i hope you guys enjoyed this chapter because there is MORE ANGST coming!!! i plan on giving you guys a teeny bit of fluff before i tear your hearts open again so prepare yourselves...


	6. calm before the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> whewww it wouldn't be one of my fics if i didn't write a nightmare chapter so enjoy

_The nightmare started out exactly like it usually did. The man on the wall squirmed and writhed under Kya's grip._

_"Stop! Please!" He was screaming now, but Kya couldn't stop. Her hands had a mind of their own, even though her brain was screaming at her to stop. She twisted her hand and he cried out again. Please stop. Please stop. She wasn't sure if the voice she was hearing belonged to her conscious or the man on the wall._

_"Kya....stop.." But she recognized this voice. The man on the wall was replaced by Lin; her Lin. She was hurting Lin. Stop. Stop. Stop._

_But her body was no longer at the mercy of her brain, as her arms continued to move. She helplessly watched herself bloodbend the woman she loved; she had no control, no authority over her own limbs. The screams of her girlfriend echoed through her ears and into her chest, and Kya couldn't breathe. She just begged whoever was listening to end this nightmare._

Kya woke violently, gasping for air. The sheets around her were suffocating, and she desperately clawed them off her body. Her lungs felt like like were filled with sand. She wheezed again, trying to get oxygen through her throat. She felt movement next her. _Yakone again? Please no._ The thought of turning and seeing his sneering face sent another wave of panic through her body. She clenched her fists against the sheets, trying desperately to dissipate the numbness radiating through her limbs. She heard her name being called, but it sounded so far away. Maybe she imagined it. She felt warm hands slide up her back, but it still didn't shake the disorientation. 

"Kya, it's Lin!" Lin gently cupped Kya's face in her hands, tilting the waterbender's head so she could face her partner. "You're safe, it's me." 

"Lin?" Kya didn't expect here voice to crack, but it did nonetheless.

"I'm here." Lin scooted closer so she could rest her forehead against her partner's. Kissing her cheek softly, Lin could feel Kya trembling under the sheets. 

"I have to tell you something." Kya shuddered out. No more secrets. She was still clenching and unclenching the sheets in her hand. "And you're gonna hate me." Kya took Lin's hands off her face, and squeezed them tightly. 

"Kya-"

"I bloodbended, Lin." Hot tears were unabashedly spilling out of Kya's eyes. "There was a Red Lotus member sneaking around the station, and we interrogated him and I bloodbended him for your location." She choked out; he hands shaking against Lin's. 

It immediately clicked in Lin. She remembered watching Yakone torture Kya when they were teenagers, and how Kya would wake up screaming every night for months. She knew how badly he had hurt her, but Lin had no idea she was still harboring that trauma. A surge of guilt flew through her, once she realized that she was part of the reason why Kya was unraveling in front of her. 

"I'm so sorry you had to do that." Lin whispered, kissing Kya's temple gently. The waterbender pulled back to look at her in surprise. 

"You-you don't hate me?" Kya stuttered, her eyes finally meeting Lin's for the first time. 

Lin scrunched up her nose in confusion. _Why would she hate her_? Kya couldn't possibly think that her bloodbending would drive Lin away; could she? 

"Kya, I could _never_ hate you." Lin intertwined Kya's hands in her own. "Why would you ever think I would?" Lin couldn't wrap her head around what was going on. Why would Kya _ever_ think that she would hate her? Lin had made her feelings for Kya clear, or at least her version of clear, since the very beginning; what changed?

"B-Because I used my bloodbending to hurt someone." Kya croaked. "Like Yakone did." Lin understood immediately now. Kya had somehow connected her bloodbending back to the man who traumatized her, and she truly thought that she was no better than him. 

"Kya, you are _nothing_ like Yakone." Lin said reassuringly. "Yakone used his bloodbending to control and manipulate people, you used it to find me." Lin lowered her gaze. "And I'm sorry that I put you in the position to use it." 

"You are a _good_ person, Kya." Lin continued. "You have dedicated your entire life to helping people, and your experiences with bloodbending do not define you." She gently tilted Kya's chin upwards to look at her. 

"I have loved you for most of my life." Lin whispered. "And I have no intention of _ever_ leaving your side." Kya nodded, letting Lin's words resonate through her. _Lin loved her. Her bloodbending did not define her._ She wrapped her arms around the earthbenders shoulders, drawing her in for a tight hug. 

From behind Lin's shoulder, Kya could see Yakone leaning up the bedroom wall, sneering down at her. She closed her eyes, tightening her grip on Lin. When she opened her eyes again, he was gone. 

"I love you too." Kya whispered into Lin's neck. Lin pulled her in tighter in response, planting a gentle kiss to her shoulder. 

"Do you want to go back to bed?" Lin murmured softly. Feeling Kya nod into her neck, she slowly pulled both of them back to the bed, and Kya settled her head onto Lin's chest. Lin ran her fingers through Kya's soft hair, letting Kya trace unidentifiable patterns into Lin's shoulder. 

"You are so strong, Kya." Lin whispered. "But you don't have to go through this alone." Kya propped herself up on one arm to look at the earthbender. She leaned forwards to brush her lips against Lin's; spirits, the softness of Kya's lips never failed to make Lin's chest swell. 

"I'm not alone." Kya whispered, a hint of soft smile on her lips." I have you." 

"Yeah, you do." Lin leaned up to press a slightly firmer kiss against Kya's lips as if to say; _always_.

"I'm so happy you're here." Kya murmured, letting their lips brush again. "I'm so happy you're okay." 

"I think I have you to thank for that, don't I?" As much Kya hated what she'd done to the Red Lotus sentry, if she was being honest, she would of done it all over again if it meant Lin was safe. It was almost scary, the things she would do to make sure Lin was safe. And she knew Lin would of done the same. And that was their life. Their life had been full of pain, death, and war, but so much love had blossomed out of it. 

"Let's get some sleep, okay?" Kya nodded, knowing they both desperately needed it, and settled back down on Lin's chest. As Kya intertwined her legs with hers, Lin couldn't help but smile. If it was anyone else, the tickling breath against her neck, and the complete and utter lack of respect for personal space would of infuriated Lin. Although she would never admit it, Lin liked the way Kya would cling to her as they slept, almost like she was afraid to let go. 

Kya sighed deeply, inhaling the metallic scent that always seemed cling to Lin even when she didn't have her uniform on. A contented warmth spread through her body as she exhaled softly; it felt like all the stress and anxiety she'd been harboring the past few days had melted away at Lin's touch. There, sleeping next to the woman she loved, she felt so incredibly lucky. If she died tomorrow, she would have no regrets in how she'd lived her life; she had everything she'd ever wanted. 

As Kya drifted off, for the first night in a while, her slumber went undisturbed by dreams of Yakone or bloodbending, but replaced with the gentle rise and fall of Lin's chest, and she let herself believe, just for the night, that there was no Red Lotus, no people trying to hurt them, just her and Lin, until the end of the line. 

\--

Lin woke up early, as she always did. She looked down to see Kya still fast asleep, her breathing steady and even as she dozed. They both had things to do, and places to be, spirits, an entire group of crazy anarchists were probably on their way to Republic City, but for now, Lin would let her sleep. She wanted to be there when Kya woke up, to kiss her awake and make sure her night went undisturbed by nightmares. She deserved it. 

Suddenly the door creaked open, and a pig-tailed brown head peaked in. Ikki. Lin froze slightly; her and Kya's relationship wasn't exactly a secret, but she wasn't really prepared to be peppered with questions by the most talkative of Tenzin's children. 

"Is Aunt Kya okay?" Ikki asked, tentatively stepping into the room, much to Lin's dismay. 

"She's fine." Lin awkwardly cleared her throat, it wasn't like they were naked or anything, but Kya's face buried in Lin's neck wasn't exactly the best setting to have a heart-to-heart with one of Tenzin's kids. 

Silence fell over the room, and Lin didn't know what to say. Was she supposed to carry on some kind of conversation with this girl? She wasn't the best with kids. She wished Kya was awake so she could deal with her niece. 

"My dad wanted to talk to you two." Ikki said finally, and Lin nodded her head awkwardly. 

"We'll go when your aunt wakes up." She replied, hoping her answer would finally mean this conversation was over. Lin wasn't _that_ lucky. Ikki continued to stand there, looking at the couple. Lin glanced back down at Kya, who was still sleeping. _Spirits, how long could this woman sleep?_

For the first time in her life, Lin actually felt relieved when Tenzin appeared in the doorframe.

"Ikki, go back to your room please." He shot Lin an apologetic look as he ushered his daughter out of the room, but not before she turned around to catch one last glimpse of the couple. 

"I'm sorry to-uh- interrupt." He apologized, trying not to stare at his ex-girlfriend and his sister wrapped around each other. 

"It's fine, I just wanted to let her sleep." She motioned to Kya, who sure enough, was still knocked out. Tenzin nodded appreciatively. 

"I'm glad, she's had a rough couple days." Tenzin looked down at his feet before continuing. 

"I assume you knew about what Yakone did to her?" He asked quietly. 

"Yes, I watched it happen." Tenzin lowered his gaze, and Lin could see the guilt flowing through him. 

"Bumi just told me, and I-" He swallowed, trying to find the words. "I can't believe I had no idea." 

"She never told you?" Lin wasn't completely surprised, although she was the middle child, Kya's protective instinct over her brothers was undoubtedly something she inherited from Katara. 

"Maybe if we had known, we could of helped her heal, and maybe," He paused, glancing down at his peacefully sleeping sister. "Maybe she wouldn't of broke down the way she did." Watching Kya break down in front of the police station had been an eye-opener for Tenzin. That first, he didn't know everything about his sister, and two, that she was more broken that he had ever known. Both realizations sent waves of guilt through him, that he had never seen past all the dorky jokes, and the sweet bravado she always put up; that he never saw the traumatized little girl buried deep inside. 

"There's no use speculating now, Tenzin." Lin replied. "The only thing we can do for her is be there for her _now_." Tenzin nodded absentmindedly, no doubt still feeling guilty, and a silence fell over the group. 

"Is there something else you needed or..?" Lin prodded, still not sure why Tenzin and his daughter had interrupted their morning. 

"Right, of course!" Tenzin snapped back to attention. "I just wanted to let you know that I sent General Iroh and the United Forces to the compound in the desert. Hopefully they'll capture any other members that are still there." Lin nodded, and pursed her lips together. 

"Most of them are probably already coming for Raiko, but I think we can take them." Tenzin nodded in agreement. 

"I'll let the others know." He folded his arms over his chest and offered her a tired smile. "I'll leave you two." Lin nodded appreciatively, watching close the door behind him as he left. As always, Kya had impeccable timing, as she finally started to stir as Tenzin left. Kya mumbled something incoherent and blinked the sleep out of her eyes, before settling back down on Lin's chest. 

"So _now_ you decide to wake up, huh?" Lin snorted, and Kya tilted her head up to look at her quizzically. "You missed quite the show this morning." 

"Did I?" Kya buried her face into the crook of Lin's neck. "Well catch me up, then." 

"Well, it started with your youngest niece busting in here and oogling at us for a few minutes." Lin began, and felt Kya chuckle into her neck. 

"What did she want?" 

"I think she just wanted to know if you were okay." Kya felt her heart melt a little. She knew Tenzin probably spared his children the exact details of what she was going through, but it was nice to know they cared. 

"That's _so_ sweet." Kya murmured, pressing a chaste kiss to Lin's neck. 

"Not exactly the word I'd use." Lin snorted, earning her a light swat in the shoulder. "Tenzin came in too." Kya lifted her head up to look at her partner. 

"Tenzin came in, and saw us like _this_?" She giggled and motioned to their bodies currently intertwined together. "Spirits, I wish we would of been naked." Kya laughed again and Lin rolled her eyes; as inappropriate as she was, at least Kya was back to her old self. Hopefully it wasn't just a facade. 

"He felt guilty that he didn't know about Yakone." Lin watched the smile fade from Kya's lips at her words. "It's okay, I understand why you didn't tell him." She tucked a silver strand that had come loose back behind Kya's ear. 

"I just, I thought I could get through it by myself." Kya murmured. "I didn't want to worry them." 

"I understand." Kya smiled down at her thankfully. "How did you sleep?"

"Actually really well." Kya admitted. "I think that's because of you, chief." She poked Lin's cheek playfully, and Lin halfheartedly rolled her eyes. 

"I'm glad." Lin replied seriously. Kya smiled and leaned down, kissing her sweetly. 

"You are _too_ good for me, Beifong." Kya mumbled in between kisses, eliciting an amused huff from Lin. 

"Well I haven't dated Bumi yet, so maybe he'll be the best of the three." Lin snarked. Kya just giggled and planted a quick kiss on the edge of Lin's jaw. 

"I'd like to think that I have more to offer than my brothers do." 

"You sure do." Kya wasn't sure if it was Lin's fingers currently tangled in her hair, or the way her green eyes were looking into hers, but she felt a blush creep up her neck and blossom across her cheeks. Kya never blushed. She hardly ever even felt embarrassed. 

"I don't think I've _ever_ seen you blush." Lin chuckled. Kya scrunched up her nose and looked away, waiting for the color to leave her cheeks. 

"Don't get cocky now, Beifong." She muttered. Lin chuckled again and leaned up to press a kiss to one of Kya's still rosy cheeks. 

"Don't worry, I won't brag about this _too_ much." Lin teased, her voice practically coated in smugness. 

Kya groaned halfheartedly and rolled over Lin and off the bed, stretching her back as she did. 

"Let's get some breakfast, chief." 

\--

Despite the presence of President Raiko, the group assembled at the dining table on Air Temple island shot a wave of nostalgia through Kya. It had been a long time since she had enjoyed dinner with her family on the island. Her and Lin had stayed mostly in the city, which was fine with her, but she hadn't realized how much she missed the people around her. She'd missed the way Bumi would regale the group with exciting, but equally fallacious stories from his youth. She missed the way Tenzin would huff indignantly every time Bumi would swing his arms around in the air maniacally when he got to the climax of his story. She missed the way Ikki and Meelo would squeal with laughter as Bumi talked, and how Jinora would appear uninterested for her father's sake, but would sometimes not be able to suppress a smile. 

She even loved team avatar. The way Korra and Bolin would discuss everything with a sense of excitement, complete with extravagant hand gestures and facial expressions. Or the way Asami would take any opportunity to touch Korra, light shoulder touches, or brushing their hands together. They way Mako would appear uninterested until Bolin would elbow him and drag him into the conversation. 

Lin, of course, had her signature scowl written across her face, but Kya knew her well enough to see right through it. She knew Lin still wasn't the biggest fan of social engagements, but Kya watched the way Lin would steal glances at her throughout the course of the meal. 

Kya placed a gentle hand on Lin's knee under the table, and turned to make eye-contact with her. She winked; it was less sexual and humorous, and more of a gesture of thanks. The corner of Lin's lips twitched upwards, which wasn't really a smile, but it was a win for Kya nonetheless. 

The Red Lotus was coming, and they all knew it. But it was nice to be able to enjoy a semblance of normalcy before everything went to hell. To enjoy the peace before the battle. Kya knew that nothing was definite, and she knew that Lin understood that too. It wasn't definite that they would come out of the certain battle on the way, but Kya had faith they would come out unscathed. 

After all, they had made a promise to each other, to fight for themselves and each other, and neither on of them planned on breaking it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize that it took me longer to write this chapter.. i lost motivation halfway through which is why it's so short yikes  
> also this is basically just random fluff to tie you guys over until the angst begins again!!! lol id mentally prepare yourselves for the next chapter because like...   
> anyways thx for reading as always comments are greatly appreciated :)


	7. heartbeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: blood, violence, and death

The sun had just left the sky when they heard the noise. Buzzing. Not like an insect, but like an engine. It was horribly loud; and close. The group rushed out into the courtyard, only to see dozens of small, red speedboats approaching the island from every direction. No one was really sure where the Red Lotus had gotten boats, considering their compound was in the desert, but no one had time to dwell on it. 

Korra rushed forwards, pressing her fists together, activating the avatar state. With one fell swing of her arms, a tidal wave swept up from the water around them, nearly engulfing the small boats. The earthbenders on the boats bent earth up from the bottom of the ocean, jumping out of the boats before the wave could collide with them. Using the makeshift earth slabs, the Red Lotus members rushed towards the island, where the rest of the group took fighting stances. 

"Lin! Get to Raiko!" Tenzin's voice shattered through the air and Lin understood immediately. This frontal assault was probably just a means to distract the group while a few others snuck behind and captured the president. But something felt, _off_ , to Lin. Why would they attack in almost broad daylight? Why not come in the middle of the night and take Raiko quietly, like they had done to her? It made Lin think that there was some kind of ulterior motive in them coming here today. That there was some kind of other mission they planned to complete. It made her uneasy, not knowing what was to come. She didn't have time to dwell on it though, as Kya materialized next to her. 

"I'm coming with you." Lin nodded, and the couple sprinted towards the building on the edge of the island, where Raiko was being secluded away. Heading towards the entrance, Lin could see a small red boat parked just below the cliff. It was empty. 

"Come on, we need to hurry." They dashed up the steps to Raiko's room, and Kya pulled a little water out of her pouch, ready to face whoever was in there. Lin threw the door open, only to see four Red Lotus members attempting to carry an unconscious Raiko out of the window. Lin whipped one of her cables forwards, wrapping it around the president, yanking him back towards her. She placed him down gently behind them, careful not to injure him. She looked up to see the four Red Lotus members in fighting stances, and she recognized the one in the middle. It was the man that tortured her. 

"Ms. Beifong. We meet again." He greeted her coldly, and Kya glanced between him and her girlfriend. 

"Can't say I'm too thrilled about it." Lin scowled. "I hope you aren't scared of a fair fight." 

"Not in the slightest." He growled, shooting a chunk of metal her way. _A metalbender?_ Kya thought to herself. Fighting for the Red Lotus? It didn't make sense. She quickly figured out that most of the assailants were metal/earthbenders, except for the firebender currently launching a large plume of fire in her direction. She brought up a stream of water to block it, shooting three icicles in his direction in the same movement. As two of them rushed towards her, she quickly realized that the earthbenders were the more skilled fighters, which fit into Lin's theory that they previously belonged to Kuvira's army. 

Lin fought the other two earthbenders, but her focus was on the man that tortured her. She obviously needed an outlet for all the pain he perpetrated onto her. Since they were in a rather enclosed space, there wasn't much earth to bend, but Lin was just fine using her cables and the blade in the sleeve of her armor to get the job done. As a police officer, she always did her best to use non-lethal force when necessary, but if it came down to it, she would have no problem taking a life, especially the one of the man who tortured her for two days straight. One of her cables connected with the earthbender closest to her, wrapping it around him as Lin slammed him against the wall. The other kept coming at her, and she skillfully dodged each of the chunks of metal he shot her way. The blade in the sleeve of her armor shot out with a loud _shink_ as she lunged for him, the blade narrowly missing his throat. 

Kya had subdued the firebender rather easily, freezing his now unconscious form against the wall. She pulled even more water out of her pouch as the metal bender shot a series of pointed blades in her direction, one of them narrowly missing her arm. She heard the fabric on the sleeve of her dress rip open as the blade sliced across it. She checked immediately to see if it had punctured her skin. Fortunately it didn't, but her dress wasn't so lucky. The water formed tentacles around her arms as she swung vehemently at the metalbender, who evaded each of the water tentacles easily. Kya's glance kept flitting over to Lin; she knew that Lin could hold her own in a fight and more, but she had just gotten back, and Kya wanted to make sure she was okay. Lin was, of course, was fine, and didn't seem to have a single scratch on her as she fought the two earthbenders. 

Her distraction of Lin's wellbeing proved to be detrimental to her own battle, as a chunk of metal collided with her chest, and Kya stumbled backwards, just barely avoiding a sharper piece from imbedding itself in her head. She steadied herself again and sent several streams of water his way, just barely blocking another flurry of metal. 

Kya glanced over at Lin again, who had her back to the window, actively engaged in an intense skirmish with one of the metalbenders. Her gaze flitted behind her immediately, to see another Red Lotus member sneaking through the window. He was in the air now; she knew Lin wouldn't feel him coming. She wrapped a tendril of water around the metalbender in front of her, slamming him against the wall. It wasn't a permanent solution, but she needed to help Lin. 

"Lin, duck!' Lin had always had good reaction time, having bent over immediately once she heard Kya's voice, barely missing a thick stream of water making contact with a body behind her. She turned her head just a millimeter to see another Red Lotus member behind her fall out the window and hit the ground with a thunk. Lin hadn't even felt him coming. Kya had probably saved her life. 

Kya exhaled in relief, having successfully avoided another death scenario. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the metalbender she had slammed against the wall coming towards her with a sharp metallic blade, fastened out of the metal chunks he had hidden under his robe. She went to pull more water from her pouch, but quickly realized it was empty. She'd used the last of it for Lin. 

She didn't have enough time to recorrect. 

Lin heard it more than she saw it. _Shink._ Both her an her assailant turned just a fraction of an inch, only to see a metalbender slowly bending a long metal blade out of Kya's abdomen. Lin turned in horror to look at the bender in front of her. He was smiling. 

She wrapped her cables around his neck and he hit the wall next to them with a sickening crack. She did the same to the metalbender in front of Kya. He crumpled against the wall like a rag doll. 

She rushed to Kya just as her knees gave out, gathering up her trembling form into her arms. 

"It's okay, I've got you." Lin whispered, looking down at the gaping wound. She unhooked Kya's pouch from her waist, holding it in front of her face. "Come on, heal yourself, I've got you." She was whispering, but her voice was frantic. Lin shook the pouch gently, and realized it was empty. _No._

"There's no more." Kya just smiled up at her sadly, drawing in a ragged breath. Lin frantically looked around the room; there was no connected bathroom, but maybe if Lin could get her out into the hallway, she could get her into a tub. 

"Come on, we've gotta get you to some water." Lin tried to slide her arms underneath Kya's legs to lift her, but the second her hands left the wound, more and more blood spilled out. Kya sputtered and coughed; a trickle of blood running down the side of her mouth. 

"Lin, it's okay." She croaked out. Kya had been a healer her entire life, and she knew the human body like the back of her hand. She just had to get Lin to understand. 

"You're gonna be fine, okay? I've got you." Lin whispered. She needed to get Kya to a healer. Maybe Korra was done fighting. 

"KORRA!" Lin hadn't expected her voice to crack, but she couldn't help it. She kept one hand on Kya's wound, the other slid around her upper back, cradling her in her lap. The blood started to slip through Lin's hands and onto the floor below them, and Lin applied even more pressure onto Kya's stomach. It wasn't working. There was just so much blood. 

"It's okay." Kya rasped, still smiling the best she could up at her partner. "I'm in the arms-" _Cough._ "of my first love." 

"Everything's gonna be _fine_." It sounded more like Lin was trying to reassure herself than Kya. Everything was going to be fine. Korra would rush in soon and heal Kya, and they would both walk out of here. 

"Lin, promise me something." Lin didn't answer, she just continued to focus her hands and gaze on the gaping wound beneath her. 

"Promise me you won't spend the rest of your life grieving." Kya continued, she felt her eyes closing, but forced them back open. "Promise me you'll move on."

"Kya I-" 

"Promise me you won't push everyone away." Kya felt a single tear slip down the side of her face. "Let everyone see the Lin Beifong I fell in love with." 

"Kya, everything's gonna be fine." 

" _Promise_ me, Lin." Kya shuddered out. Lin finally looked up to meet her gaze. 

"I promise." She whispered. Lin adjusted her grip until her right foot was touching the ground, and she could feel Kya's heartbeat against the hard floor. 

_Thump... Th-thump... Thump._

"TENZIN!" Lin yelled. Where was everyone? "KORRA!" She looked back down at Kya, who was just smiling back up at her. 

_Thump....... Th-thump..........._

"You promised." Lin whispered. "You promised you'd fight." Kya gripped her arm, and Lin wished she didn't have her uniform on so she could feel it. 

"I know." Kya took in another shaky breath, and felt her eyelids begin to shut. 

"Come on, stay with me." Lin begged, reaching out to brush a strand of hair behind Kya's ear. 

_Thump._

Kya reached up to trace the bottom scar on Lin's cheek. "Always." 

_Silence._

Her hand dropped from Lin's cheek and hit the floor. The sound seemed to echo through the quiet room. 

"Kya?"

\--

The group outside had just gotten the situation under the control. White Lotus sentries were tying up unconscious members; it had been a long, hard battle, and they were all exhausted. But something didn't sit right with Tenzin. Why would so many of them come for just the president? And why would they not just come quietly, like they had for Lin? None of it made sense, and he desperately needed some answers. 

Stalking up to the nearest tied up Red Lotus member, Tenzin crossed his arms over his robe and glared down at him.

"Why did you come here?" He demanded. The man in front of him chuckled. 

"To obtain the President of Republic City." He spoke almost robotically, but Tenzin wasn't satisfied. Korra materialized next to him.

"Did you come here to try and kill me?" She demanded. "Because if that was your big mission, you failed spectacularly." He sneered up at her, then chuckled, as if he knew something they didn't. 

"You aren't the only one with Avatar blood in your veins." He spat, and Korra knit her eyebrows in confusion. Tenzin, however, understood immediately. He knew the Red Lotus had immense hatred for the avatar, but it had completely slipped his mind that he, his siblings, and his children contained that same blood. _His siblings._ He had been so focused on the battle outside that he had forgotten he had sent Lin after Raiko. Kya had followed her. He turned to Bumi, and he seemed to understand as well. 

"Korra." Tenzin tapped her shoulder and she turned around. "Kya and Lin." Her eyes widened and she motioned to the group, sprinting towards where Raiko was being kept. Asami ran beside her, and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. 

"Kya's with Lin, I'm sure they're both fine." Korra nodded slightly, but she couldn't quite shake the pit beginning to form in her stomach. Something didn't feel right. 

Tenzin and Bumi ran multiple paces ahead of the group as they bounded up the steps up to Raiko's room. It was silent. No screams. No sounds of battle. Just empty quiet. It was unnerving. They finally reached the room and flung open the door. 

"Lin, Ky-" Tenzin stopped in his tracks. Bumi stopped just behind him. Tenzin felt his stomach drop to his feet. There, in the center of the room, Lin sat, cradling the bloody, unmoving body of their sister against her chest, like a mother to a newborn baby. The bodies of multiple Red Lotus soldiers were littered across the room. Tenzin wasn't sure whether they were unconscious or dead. It didn't matter. Raiko lay in one of the corners, just now regaining consciousness. 

The rest of team avatar piled in the room seconds later, each one of them stopping in their tracks like the brothers before them. 

Korra felt like the air had been sucked straight out of her chest. She felt Asami grab her hand and squeeze tightly, but the touch did nothing to dissipate the quickly spreading numbness in her limbs. 

Lin didn't seem to notice anyone else was in the room, her eyes were closed tightly as she held Kya against her body. 

Tenzin walked forwards slowly, with Bumi following close behind. He placed a gentle hand on Lin's shoulder, which seemed to shock her out of her current state. She opened her eyes to look up at him, and Tenzin felt his heart break again. He had never seen Lin like this. Not when he had ended things with her and told her he was going to marry Pema. Not even when Amon took her bending. 

There, for just a millisecond he saw the pain and grief she tried so hard to shove down reflected in her green eyes. She blinked and it was gone. Lin stood up slowly, letting Kya's weight shift into Bumi's lap. She didn't look at him again as she brushed past him. He didn't try to stop her. He joined Bumi on the floor next to their sister instead. Bumi leaned down to press a shaky kiss onto Kya's forehead, and Tenzin squeezed her hand. It was cold. 

Bumi felt tears slip out of his eyes. He didn't try and stop them. He cupped her face gently in his hands. A trail of dried blood ran out out of the corner of her mouth. Her cheeks were pale and cold. He let out a shuddering breath. _His beautiful little sister._

Tenzin squeezed her hand tighter and kissed it softly. The blood on the floor seeped into his robe. He didn't care. He put a hand on Bumi's shoulder as his older brother hung his head in grief. Tenzin shut his eyes tightly as he felt a single tear slip out. 

Korra knew she didn't have her connection to her past avatars anymore, but she couldn't help but think that the immense grief she was feeling wasn't just her own; but Aang's. Asami averted her gaze and squeezed Korra's hand tighter, she couldn't bear to stare at Kya's lifeless body anymore. Korra looked up to see Lin about to brush past them, and her heart broke again. 

"Lin, I-" Korra reached out to put a hand on her shoulder, but Lin just brushed it off. She didn't need their pity. Not right now. 

Jinora and Opal burst into the room next, both of their eyes widening at the sight in front of them. 

"A-Aunt Kya?" Jinora's voice was well below a whisper, but there was no mistaking the crack in her voice. Tenzin opened his eyes, and moved in front of his sister's body, shielding it from view. 

"Someone get her out of here, I don't want her to see this." 

Asami reluctantly let go of Korra's hand and moved over to Jinora, whose breathing was coming in short gasps as tears formed in her eyes. Asami gently took Jinora's arm and tried to usher her out of the room per Tenzin's request, but the young airbender resisted desperately, trying to see her aunt. 

"I-No, stop! Aunt Kya!" Suddenly the strength to stand had left her, and Jinora fell to her knees; her back heaving in sobs. Opal rushed down to her, holding her friend in her arms while similar tears slid down her cheeks. 

Lin had stood by the door until that point. She'd had enough. She couldn't be in the room right now. Surrounded by all this grief. All this pain. She was moving towards the exit when a low chuckle from across the room caused the hairs on the back of her neck to stand up. 

"I guess this mission wasn't a complete failure after all." It was the man that tortured her. He was alive and Kya was not. It was a cruel twist of fate. 

The rage that boiled through Lin was unlike any she'd experienced before. She hardly even felt herself move. 

The group watched as Lin ran over to the chuckling Red Lotus man across the room. She threw herself to her knees and began striking him with her fists, again and again. Each punch collided with his face with a sickening thump. The group just watched in horror, none of them wanted to be the one to pull the chief away. She hit him until her own knuckles were bloody. She didn't even feel the sting. Breathing heavily, she grabbed him by his collar, yanking him up against the wall as the blade shot out of the sleeve of her uniform. She pressed it to his throat. 

She wanted nothing more than to watch the blade slide into his carotid, to watch him bleed out like she had watched Kya. It was only fair. He deserved to die. Kya didn't. She had to right the scales of justice. 

"Aunt Lin!" She felt a hand on her shoulder. Lin turned around to see Opal, with tears spilling out of her eyes. 

"She wouldn't want you to."

Lin turned away to face the man again. She had to. She pressed the blade in deeper, and a trickle of blood ran down his neck. 

_Let them see the Lin Beifong I fell in love with._

Her grip loosened and he slipped down the wall unceremoniously. The blade sunk back into the sleeve of her armor with an unsatisfied _shink_. She turned to look at the siblings on the floor. Kya's frame was still gratefully hidden behind Bumi, and Lin turned her gaze towards the rest of the group. Bolin's eyes were puffy. Mako hung his head in respect. Korra and Asami cried in each others arms. Jinora was curled in a ball on the floor, rocking herself back and forth. Opal was still in front of her with her arms wrapped around her shoulders in comfort. 

Lin let the door close behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok. before you guys kill me and jump ship, i promise on kyalin THEMSELVES that there will be a happy ending. i pinky pinky promise.   
> now theres gonna be a major shift in the themes of the fic, meaning something else instead of the red lotus plotline. i hope that makes sense.   
> also this chapter was so incredibly emotional to write omg. i know it was pretty short but the next chapter is going to be HUGE. its going to focus on grief, but not just Lin's.   
> once again thank you for reading and i PROMISE there will be a happy happy ending. in the mean time there will be a lot of flashbacks for fluff purposes!


	8. remembrances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all i can say is that there is so much pain in this chapter   
> possible tw for self harm: its nothing graphic just hot water but either way   
> also remember in ch1 when lin said she couldn't imagine her life without kya? me too bro

Lin opened her apartment door slowly, stepping inside and closing it behind her. The apartment was dark and empty. She hadn't been back here since she'd been taken by the Red Lotus. 

She had left Air temple island without another word. She knew it was cruel. She knew everyone else was suffering just as much as she was. But she couldn't bring herself to stand in a room full of grieving family and friends. She knew that they would all gather around her, offering kind condolences and words of reassurance. She didn't want their pity. She didn't want their stupid queries on what Kya would want, she didn't want to hear how she'd lived such a full life. She didn't want any of it. She wanted Kya. And the universe had done a bang up job screwing that up. 

Lin bent off her armor and watched as it crumpled against the wall. It was stained with blood. She'd have to clean it off. 

**

_Lin opened the apartment door to see Kya sitting on the living room floor, deep in meditation._

_"What are you doing?" Lin asked, bending off her uniform and leaving it by the door._

_"Uh, isn't it obvious chief?" Kya grinned and let out a couple dramatic 'oms' to prove her point._

_"No, I mean why are you on the floor?"_

_Kya opened her eyes._

_"I don't know, I guess it's better for my back." She shrugged, offering a hand out to Lin. "You should try it with me!"_

_"Absolutely not." Lin scoffed._

_"Meditation is important, Lin." Kya argued. "It relaxes your mind and body."_

_"Sex can do that also." Lin smirked, making her way into the kitchen._

_"Touche, chief." Kya laughed and followed her in, leaning against the kitchen counter as Lin poured herself a glass of water. She looked more muscular than usual, if that was even possible. Lin turned to look at her partner._

_"What?"_

_Kya just chuckled._

_"Just enjoying the show." She responded, eyes twinkling. Lin rolled her eyes._

_"You see me in this exact tank top everyday." Lin muttered._

_"And I never get tired of it, chief."_

_**_

Lin flicked on the bedroom light. The bedsheets were still mussed, pillows thrown everywhere. Her eyes flitted to a dent in the wall beside the bed. Rage boiled up in her stomach again as she remembered the Red Lotus. It dissipated once the memories of Kya set in. 

She walked over to the bathroom and paused in front of the mirror. She looked like shit. 

She _felt_ like shit.

Lin leaned over the sink and gripped the pale white edges underneath her fingers. She quickly realized her hands were stained with dried blood. The metal knob on the sink turned on under a flick of her fingers as Lin scrubbed the blood away from her hands. _Kya's_ blood.

The once methodical, calm scrubbing became frantic as Lin desperately tried to claw the blood from her fingers. She took a shuddering breath. It felt like she was scrubbing the last bits of Kya away. The blood and water swirled together in rosy synchrony, disappearing down the drain. It was a cruel irony, watching the all the remnants of Kya wash away under her element. 

**

_"You know, Korra and Asami's spirit world vacation has given me an idea." Kya stood in front of the mirror, running a comb through her hair._

_"Uh oh." Lin turned off the shower and dried herself off._

_"I think we've been long overdue for our own vacation, chief." Lin groaned in response, eliciting a light chuckle from Kya._

_"I'm serious, we deserve some time off." Lin rolled her eyes and wrapped the towel around her body, keenly aware of Kya watching her through the mirror._

_"I have a responsibility to the city, Kya." Lin reminded her. "I can't just up and leave whenever I want." Now it was Kya's turn to roll her eyes._

_"Considering that you're in charge," Kya turned her head slightly to look over her shoulder, using a tone usually reserved for the bedroom. "I think that means you can do whatever you want." She shot a wink through the mirror and Lin smirked._

_"Whatever I want, huh?" Lin came up behind her and squeezed Kya's hip softly. "Sounds nice." Kya leaned back into Lin's arms and grinned._

_"We could visit the South Pole?" She offered._

_"Cold." Lin grumbled. Kya rolled her eyes._

_"What about Zaofu to see Su?"_

_Lin scrunched up her nose in displeasure. "Pass."_

_"Ember Island?"_

_"We have a beach here."_

_"We have a dock, Lin."_

_"Water is water."_

_Kya groaned dramatically and Lin couldn't help but chuckle herself._

_"We'll figure something out." Kya smiled and Lin rolled her eyes._

_"I haven't agreed to anything yet."_

_Kya grinned suggestively and leaned back further into Lin._

_"I happen to have very coaxing methods of persuasion, chief." Lin smiled and ran a single finger up Kya's arm._

_"I'll believe it when I see it."_

_**_

The mirror shattered under Lin's fist. She regretted it immediately. Her already bruised knuckles stung as she picked a shard of glass out from them. Blood ran down her fist and arm, and she grabbed a towel to wipe it off. She stripped and stepped into the shower, letting the warm water run down her tired limbs. It didn't feel as good as she needed it to. Lin watched as the blood from her fist disappeared down the shower drain unceremoniously. She placed both hands on the shower wall in front of her, letting the hot water beat against her neck. She turned the temperature up to the maximum. She let the scalding water sizzle against her skin for a few seconds before turning it back down again. Lin did this in intervals; scalding water, cold water, scalding water, cold water. It was a futile attempt to dissolve the rapidly spreading numbness. 

How many times had she been healed in this very shower by Kya? Dozens? More than that. She loved it when Kya would heal her. Kya would obviously lecture her about safety and the importance of a healthy body, which usually lasted until she was done, but Lin didn't mind. It was nice to know that someone cared. When Kya was done, Lin would turn around and kiss her deeply as a thank you. Kya would try to glare and mutter something along the lines of 'You aren't getting out of this that easily, Beifong' but she could never stay mad at Lin for long. Lin would just kiss away Kya's worries and annoyances until she felt Kya grin against her lips; then she knew she was forgiven. 

The granite shower wall fractured into long lines as Lin dug her fingers into it; the cracks spreading down to the base of the shower. Lin stepped out of the shower, turning it off with a flick of her finger. She got dressed and sat on the edge of the bed. She supposed it was just _hers_ now, but she didn't want to dwell on the fact. Lin noticed Kya's light blue robe hanging off the side of the bed, and she picked it up. 

She ran the soft material through her fingers; it was only fitting that Kya's clothing was just as soft as her skin is.

_Was._

Lin brought the robe closer to her face and inhaled, letting Kya's familiar scent fill her nostrils. As stupid as it sounded, Kya always smelled like sea-salt, with a hint of something floral. Lin always smelled like dull metal, and she never really realized how important her sense of smell was. Kya's scent was always airy and light, much like her personality, but now it just seemed so overpowering to Lin's nostrils. Perhaps it was the grief. 

Lin clenched the robe tightly in her fists, like it would disappear into nothing if she loosened her grip. Like Kya had. 

She sat there on the edge of the bed, staring at the wall blankly. She didn't want to go to sleep. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to hit or punch anything. There was only one thing she wanted, and she was never going to have it again. She was never going to _see_ her again.

Lin hadn't wanted to cry, but the tears slipped out uncontrollably, as she cried silently on the empty bed. Nothing had ever hurt this bad in her entire life. Not any physical injury, not having her heart broken by Tenzin, not even when Amon took her bending. Nothing even came close to the way the pain was radiating through her. Every bone in her body _ached,_ but not from physical pain. She was so naive to think that for a _second,_ that she could be happy. That she could be content. She wasn't sure what she'd done to the spirits to make them hate her so much; to make them want to take everything from her.

It was _so_ cruel. 

* * *

Bumi sat staring off into the distance. He sat in the same gardens he had a couple nights ago with Kya. The same gardens where she finally opened up about her trauma, and how Bumi had silently pledged that he would make sure she was happy for the rest of her life. _That turned out swell,_ He thought to himself. 

He wondered if Kya _had_ died happy. He would never forgive himself if she hadn't. Perhaps he would never truly know. He hadn't even gotten to say goodbye. He couldn't help but wonder what her last words were. Maybe Lin would tell him. Actually, Bumi valued his life, so he would certainly _not_ ask.

When was the last time he told her he loved her? Did she know? Did she know how proud of her he was? Had he ever even bothered to tell her? He was a horrible brother. He'd remembered when Aang had told him to always protect his siblings, that it was his duty as the eldest. _Failed pretty spectacularly at that, didn't I?_ Bumi thought to himself. His life was just disappointment after disappointment. 

**

_Bumi had left the day he turned twenty-one to join the United Forces. Aang had just helped him with his last bag before putting a solid hand on his son's shoulder._

_"Good luck, Bumi." Aang smiled and squeezed his son's shoulder. "I hope you'll do great things." Bumi nodded appreciatively. Katara came forwards and wrapped him in a tight hug. He reached down to press a kiss to his mother's forehead._

_"I love you, mom." Katara shot a teary smile up at her eldest born._

_"I love you too, sweetie." She wiped a tear from her eye and motioned to Kya and Tenzin. "Come say goodbye to your brother."_

_Kya approached him with the same dorky smile she always wore, and socked him lightly in the chest._

_"Now, I expect you to hook-up with as many hot chicks as you can while I'm gone, okay?" Bumi snickered. Kya grinned and laughed along with him._

_"Oh, I plan to, I wouldn't dream of disappointing by big brother's parting wish." She snickered._

_"Gross, you two." Tenzin scrunched up his nose and folded his arms across his chest._

_Kya smiled up at Bumi, stepping forwards and wrapping her arms around his broad frame._

_"I'm really proud of you, Bumi." Bumi pulled back a little bit to look at his sister. Of course Kya would be the one to say that; he hadn't really expected it from his parents anyways. Kya just always seemed to know what he needed to hear. She was thoughtful like that._

_"I'm really gonna miss you, little sis." He whispered, and Kya hugged him again._

_"I'm gonna miss you too." She whispered. Pulling away, she gave him a dorky mock salute. "Good luck, Commander Bumi." He shook his head and laughed._

_"I'm not a commander, Kya."_

_"You will be." She grinned and socked him in the arm again, but Bumi could see the tears pricking the corners of her eyes. He reached out and pulled his siblings into a huge bear hug, much to Tenzin's chagrin._

_"We love you, Bumi." Kya whispered, and Tenzin nodded his head in agreement. Bumi closed his eyes and smiled; he was so happy he had such supportive siblings._

_He ruffled the hair on his sibling's heads and stepped onto the train. Bumi looked out the window at his family, who were all waving tearfully. His glance flitted back to Kya, who shot him a wink and another mock salute. He grinned and saluted her back. The train began to screech along the tracks, and Bumi watched his family fade off into the distance._

_**_

Bumi leaned back into the soft grass, gazing up at the stars. He wasn't sure if the seemingly bottomless pit in his stomach was grief or guilt. Perhaps it was both. He'd spent his life trying to keep the world safe in the United Forces, but when it came down to it, he couldn't even keep his own sister safe. The thought was heart-wrenching. He'd failed as Kya's brother, protector, and companion. Getting airbending through Harmonic Convergence had helped him feel like less of a failure in his father's eyes, but he would trade it in in a heartbeat if it meant he could of saved Kya. 

**

_"Hey there, dad!" Bumi said, with forced joviality. He stood in front of his father's statue at the Northern Air Temple. "You're looking well." He lowered his gaze and stuffed his hands into his pockets._

_"Look, I uh, I'm sorry I didn't turn out to be an airbender like you hoped, but I've tried my best to keep the world safe." He looked into the pale, stone eyes of the statue. "Hope I made you proud."_

_"Of course he'd be proud of you, Bumi." He jumped at the sound of his sister's voice, turning his head slightly to see Kya leaning up against the wall behind him._

_"Kya! I-uh, I was just cleaning off dad's statue," He faked a cough. "It's so dusty in here." He turned around to see Kya making her way towards him, with a sweet smile on her face._

_"Come here." She leaned forwards and wrapped him in a tight hug. He relaxed immediately in her embrace._

_"Thanks Kya." He murmured. "You always know when I need a hug." Kya smiled and patted his back affectionately before pulling away._

_"Thinking about Dear Ol' Dad, huh?" She crossed her arms and looked up at the statue._

_"And the heavy daily disappointment of not being an airbender." He snorted. Kya chuckled lightly; they were both no stranger to the emotional burden of not turning out to be the airbenders their father wanted._

_"At least you were the first-born." She sighed. "I was the forgotten middle child."_

_"Uh, at least you were a bender." He snorted. "And Daddy's little girl."_

_"More like Daddy's little disappointment." Kya snickered and Bumi joined in laughing. They both turned to face their father's statue._

_"It's weird." Bumi sighed. "Some days I forget about him completely and others.."_

_"He occupies your every thought." Kya finished. Bumi turned to look at his sister, who was wistfully staring up at the statue. She understood him so well. Kya had always been more than just his sister; she'd been his trusted confidant in the deep insecurities of being the fist born child of Avatar Aang without any bending abilities. She'd been his sister and best friend all in one._

_"Well, you've still got me." She offered him a kind smile. "And mom." She sighed. "And Tenzin, even though he is best friends with the stick up his ass." She snickered. Bumi chuckled and bumped her with his shoulder lightly._

_"Thank you, Kya." He smiled at his sister thankfully, who reached up an squeezed his shoulder lightly._

_"What can I say, I'm wise beyond my years." She grinned and Bumi laughed._

_"Must be all this grey." He lightly tugged a lock of silver hair and Kya rolled her eyes and swatted his hand away._

_"I'm young at heart." She exhaled dramatically._

_"Yeah, whatever, grandma." He snorted sarcastically and Kya socked him lightly in the arm._

_"I'll have you know that the ladies happen to looove all this." She gestured, rather crudely, to her face and body and Bumi chortled in response._

_"Come on, let's go find Tenzin." She looped an arm through his. "Getting under his skin never fails to brighten my mood." Bumi chuckled. They really were the same person._

_**_

Bumi stood up from the grass and dusted himself off. Staring off into the distance, he wished Kya was here. It was stupid, because everyone wished she was here, but he never had anyone that understood him as well as she did. He still loved Tenzin, but they were fundamentally different people with different personalities, and he tended to not be the easiest person to talk to. 

Bumi didn't just miss his sister; he missed his best friend. 

There, staring up at the sky, the first feeling of anger bubbled through him. He knew it was just the grief, but he didn't care. He was _angry_. He was angry at all the people that had hurt his sister throughout her life. He was angry at their father, for not treating her with the love and respect she deserved. But mostly he was angry at himself, for failing to protect her in the moment she needed it most. 

"So is this how it's gonna be, _dad_?" He spat, outstretching his arms at his sides. He wasn't really sure why he was talking to the night sky, but he needed to get it all out. 

"You make me feel like a failure for your entire life, and then you take her away?!" He yelled. "I get it _dad_ , I fucking failed _okay_? I failed!" 

"First you die and leave us all behind, and then you decide to take her too?!" Bumi rubbed his temples and continued to scream at the night sky. "Well _fuck_ you, dad! Fuck you!" 

As quickly as the rage came, it dissolved, and Bumi was left with only his grief. "Fuck you." He whispered shakily. He was met with only silence. He hadn't really expected his father to materialize in front of him anyways. 

"Why?" He whispered. He wasn't really sure who he was talking to now. Just himself, he supposed. "Why her?" If there was _anyone_ that deserved to live, it was Kya. Nothing about any of this was fair. He was supposed to go first. It was the rite of passage as the eldest. She was supposed to be here; with him. With Lin. Spirits, she was supposed to grow old with Lin Beifong. Well, old- _er_. 

He shivered. It was getting cold. He looked up at the night sky one last time. 

"Say hi to dad for me, sis." 

* * *

Tenzin paced around the foot of his bed; every second a new thought occurred to him. 

"Tenzin honey, come to bed, you need to get some rest." Pema patted the spot next to her but Tenzin just shook his head. 

"There are too many things to do, people to notify." He continued to pace. He had to inform their mother of course. He wasn't exactly looking forwards to _that_ conversation. He'd probably have to let Su know as well; Tenzin doubted Lin would call her herself. And the funeral! Spirits, he needed to plan the funeral. It would probably have to be in the South Pole for their mother's convenience. 

"Tenzin." Pema whispered softly. "You can't do all of this alone, you need time to grieve too." 

"I don't want to stop." He shook his head again. "If I stop, it all comes rushing back." He sat down on the edge of the bed slowly. Pema moved to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, rubbing his back affectionately. 

"I was a horrible brother, Pema." He whispered, hanging his head. 

"No, Tenzin." She whispered quietly. "She loved you." Tenzin just shook his head. 

"I hardly knew anything about her." He choked. "I never even asked." Pema knew he was referring to Kya's trauma with Yakone, and she held him even tighter. 

"Oh, honey." She soothed quietly. "It's not your fault." 

**

_Tenzin had gotten his airbending master tattoos when he was fourteen, and it was the happiest day of his life. His father had swept him into a huge hug and told him how proud he was of him. Tenzin was beaming ear to ear as he walked out of the temple with his newly anointed blue arrows down his body. He took a deep breath and smiled; he felt like a brand new person._

_"Hey airhead!" Tenzin looked up to see his sister bounding towards him. He couldn't even be mad at her for that ridiculous nickname she'd given him. Nothing could ruin his mood today._

_Kya walked up to him and grinned. "So? How do you feel, little bro?" Tenzin smiled and ran a finger over the blue arrow on the top of his left hand._

_"Amazing." He sighed. Kya put both her hands on his shoulders, wiping an imaginary piece of lint off his robe._

_"You look like dad." She commented, and Tenzin beamed.  
_

_"Really?" Kya looked at her little brother, eyes gleaming with happiness. Must be nice to be the favorite, She thought bitterly. Kya shook the thought away; today was Tenzin's day, she should be happy for him._

_"Yeah." She offered him a small smile. "I'm proud of you, Ten, you deserve this." Tenzin felt his heart swell._

_"Thank you, Kya." He gave her quick hug before pulling away._

_"Kya?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_Kya sighed. "No Tenzin, I'm not gonna help you pick up girls."_

_Tenzin felt himself flush. "Not girls plural."_

_Kya raised an eyebrow and Tenzin sighed._

_"I want to ask out Lin." Tenzin watched as the smile faded from his sister's face._

_"You- you like Lin?" Tenzin nodded, and wasn't sure why his sister looked so crushed. Maybe because she was protective over her best friend._

_"Yes, we've been talking for the past couple days, and I really want to ask her out." Kya looked at her shoes. "I was wondering if you had any ideas, because I was thinking flowers, and maybe put on an airbending show for her, or-"_

_"She doesn't like big gestures, Tenzin." Kya mumbled quietly. "Lin doesn't like anything overly emotional or romantic." You would know that if you actually knew her at all, she added silently. Kya looked back up at her brother, who was looking at her expectantly._

_"Just be honest about how you feel, she really likes honesty." Tenzin nodded vehemently, if he had anything to write with, Kya was sure he'd be scribbling down what she was telling him. Tenzin's attention suddenly went to something behind her, and Kya followed his gaze to see Lin walking out into the courtyard, with Suyin bounding behind her._

_"Thanks for all your help, Kya!" Tenzin smiled elatedly at his sister, who cleared her throat and offered him a light smile back._

_"Yep, good luck." She said hoarsely. Tenzin took no notice of his sister's sudden uncomfortableness and bounded over to Lin, not aware of his sister watching them with pained eyes._

_**_

Tenzin hadn't realized he was crying until his wife pulled him into her arms. Pema's hand made soft ministrations over the small of his back while he cried in her arms. 

"I failed her, Pema." He whispered. She held him tighter. 

"No, you didn't." Pema soothed. 

"We were supposed to keep her safe." 

"Her safety was not just your responsibility, honey." Tenzin just sniffled. 

"I failed to be there for her throughout her life." He muttered bitterly. "And I failed to be there for her when she-" Tenzin didn't finish the sentence. He couldn't. It was as if saying it out loud would make it even more real. 

"You didn't fail her, sweetie." Pema whispered. "And she wouldn't want you to blame yourself." Tenzin knew she was right. Kya was big on taking responsibility for herself, and she hated when others would place blame on themselves. But he couldn't help but remember that _he_ was the one who sent Lin to Raiko. Of course Kya would of gone with her. 

He couldn't help but think he'd unknowingly sent his sister to her death. 

* * *

Korra sat on the bed with her knees drawn into her chest. Asami was in the shower. 

Nothing that had happened today felt real to Korra. It had all just felt like one horrible dream. Like all she needed to do was pinch herself and she'd be awake, and everyone would be fine. Everyone would be _alive_. 

Time had passed quickly and unceremoniously; It had seemed like only minutes ago that the group had stumbled into the room to see Lin cradling a lifeless Kya. But it had also felt like years. In reality, it had been hours, but the sight of Kya's bright red blood splattered across the floor had been seared into her mind. She couldn't imagine how Lin was feeling. Korra couldn't even fathom losing Asami that way. Having to watch helplessly as the person you loved took their last breath in your arms. Korra hoped to never have to experience that. 

"Korra, did you hear me?" Korra hadn't realized Asami had stepped into the room. 

"Sorry, what?" Korra shook her head back to attention and Asami smiled at her softly. 

"I asked if you wanted some tea, honey." Asami moved to sit on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on Korra's knee. "I'd be happy to make some." 

"No, I'm fine." Korra shook her head and exhaled. "I-I just want to get some sleep." She tried her best to conceal the tremble in her voice. Asami nodded in agreement and slipped into bed beside Korra, pulling the sheet over their bodies. 

Asami draped an arm over Korra's waist, pressing their bodies firmly together. She felt Korra release a shuddering breath, and Asami pulled her in tighter, resting her chin on her shoulder. 

"I'm always here if you want to talk, baby." Asami whispered reassuringly. Korra felt a tear slide down her cheek. She hadn't expected losing Kya to hit her this hard, but it felt like she had lost a piece of herself. Kya wasn't just a good friend; she had been Korra's mentor for as long as she'd been alive, she'd been her confidant, her inspiration; Kya had been like a second mother to her. 

**

_Korra awoke drenched in sweat. She forced as much oxygen as she could into her lungs, trying to remind herself that she was still alive. Zaheer wasn't here. She wasn't in danger. Still, the memory of him slowly wrenching the air from her lungs was seared into her mind. She couldn't understand why she was so weak. She was the avatar, for spirits sake, she shouldn't be as scared as she was. She was the most powerful bender in the universe, and she was strong enough to tackle anything that came her way._

_But as she painfully swung herself off the bed and into her wheelchair; she felt anything but strong. She didn't even feel like herself. What kind of avatar was stuck in a wheelchair? Not the kind she wanted to be._

_Her entire identity had been centered around being the avatar. It's all she ever wanted to be. Now she couldn't even walk, much less fight. It was so frustrating. She felt so helpless._

_Korra settled her weight into the wheelchair and wheeled herself towards the door, grabbing her coat on the way out. She needed some air. She rolled herself down the long hallway, and out towards the front of the building. She just needed some fresh air. As she rolled herself out the door, she was surprised to see Kya sitting on the steps, letting the cool wind blow through her hair._

_Kya turned as she heard Korra wheel up, offering the young girl a kind smile._

_"Hey kid." Kya offered Korra a 'seat' next to her, and Korra wheeled herself up next to the older woman. "Can't sleep?" Kya turned to look at her, and Korra just shook her head._

_"Me too." Kya sighed softly and Korra turned to look at her. She couldn't help but wonder if the older woman was going through something similar as she was._

_"Why?" Kya turned to raise an eyebrow at the younger woman and Korra scolded herself internally._

_"Sorry, I know it's probably personal." Korra mumbled. To her relief, Kya just chuckled and brushed a flyaway strand of grey hair behind her ear._

_"It's okay." Kya assured her, leaning back on her elbows. She sighed. "I get nightmares sometimes."_

_Korra was shocked. Out of everyone, she would of never thought that Kya would be the type to suffer from nightmares. Kya always seemed so euphoric, she was always the light in the dark when people needed her. It hit Korra that her and Kya might have more in common than just their tribe. Kya turned to look at her, offering the young woman another half smile._

_"I'm guessing I'm not the only one, right?" Kya gently prodded. Korra fell silent. Everyone had been fussing over her enough since she'd gotten here. She didn't really want to give Kya any more reason to worry. But she couldn't help but be curious over Kya's nightmares. Maybe she had some wisdom on how to make them go away._

_"What are your nightmares about?" Korra's voice was so quiet that Kya almost hadn't heard her. Kya turned to look at the younger woman, who was looking at her expectantly. She sighed._

_"When I was a few years younger than you, I got hurt pretty bad." Kya paused. "Well, tortured is more of the right word." She turned to look at Korra. "I used to see him everywhere, in my dreams, in the mirror." Kya paused again before continuing. "And I think that's what you're going through with Zaheer, am I right?"_

_Korra fell silent and looked at her hands. Kya was right, Korra had been seeing Zaheer everywhere, but she was tired of talking about it._

_"How did you make it go away?"_

_Kya just shook her head._

_"I didn't." She sat up and stretched her back. "I still get nightmares sometimes."_

_"So I have to wait until I'm old until it goes away?!" Korra exclaimed. Kya raised an eyebrow and Korra immediately regretted it._

_"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say..." Korra mumbled and trailed off. Kya just chuckled again and patted Korra's hand._

_"It's okay kid, I know I'm an old lady."_

_A comfortable silence fell over the two women before Kya spoke again._

_"The reason why I never healed is because I pushed it all down." She said quietly. "I had no idea how to deal with the trauma, and I thought if I didn't think about it, it would eventually go away."_

_"What changed?" Korra understood what Kya was saying; maybe it could apply to her as well._

_"I fell in love." Kya answered simply. "I found someone I feel safe with."_

_"You have a girlfriend?!" Korra exclaimed. Kya nodded and smiled, humor dancing in her eyes._

_"Who is it?" Korra prodded. "Is it Minatook from the healing hut? She's always looking at you." Kya snorted and rolled her eyes._

_"She's a little young for me, kid." Kya turned to make eye contact with Korra, who was looking at her in suspense. "Besides, she's back in Republic City." Korra gasped dramatically and Kya couldn't help but laugh. She was glad she could distract her from her own emotional turmoil, even at the expense of her own relationship._

_"Spirits, do I know her?" Korra's eyes widened like saucers when Kya nodded. "Come on, who is she?" Kya just smiled._

_"It's Lin."_

_Korra blinked. There was no way._

_"Sorry, I think I heard you wrong."_

_Kya chuckled and raised her eyebrow and Korra realized she was not joking._

_"You and Lin.." Korra murmured. "You and Chief Crankypants are in love?!"_

_Kya busted out laughing. "Chief Crankypants!" She doubled over and Korra felt the corners of her mouth twitch upwards. "That's good, kid, I've gotta share that with her."_

_"I can't believe you never told me!" Korra exclaimed. Kya composed herself and smiled warmly._

_"Well, we first started seeing each other around when you left to search for airbenders in Ba-Sing-Se." Kya admitted. "And when you got back," She paused and sighed. "It just didn't seem like a pressing issue."_

_"Wow." Korra breathed, obviously still in shock over the relationship she'd just uncovered. "I can't imagine Lin in love." Kya chuckled again, looking out into the night sky._

_"You'd be surprised." Kya sighed. "She can be so..." She smiled and shook her head._

_"You miss her, don't you?"_

_Kya nodded and subconsciously touched her necklace._

_"I really do." Kya turned again to look at her._

_"Have you heard from Asami and your friends?" Kya asked gently. Korra averted her gaze and stared at her hands._

_"They've all wrote to me." She mumbled. "But I just don't know what to say." Kya fell silent for a while, trying to form the right words._

_"Listen Korra, I know you don't want to hear this, but you need them just as much as they need you." Kya began. "You have an entire army of people around you, including me, that want to see you get better." Korra looked over at her sadly as Kya continued._

_"You are one of the strongest people I've ever met, Lin included, and I know that you're used to doing things a certain way, but you can't do this without them." Kya said matter-of-factly. "I don't want to see you make the same mistake I did and push your feelings down. You won't ever be able to heal without first opening up."_

_"But I'm the avatar." Korra said bluntly. "I should be strong enough to do this myself."  
_

_"You aren't just the avatar, Korra." Kya replied. "You're also a strong, beautiful, kind, and smart young girl." She began. "You might have more spiritual and physical power than anyone else in the world, but you have the same emotions and feelings as the rest of us."_

_"I know it hurts right now." Kya whispered. "And I'm not sure how long it will take for you to fully heal." She put a gentle hand on Korra's knee. "But hear me when I tell you that you aren't in this alone." She smiled. "We aren't here because you're the avatar, Korra."_

_"We're here because we care about you, and we are all rooting for your recovery." Kya finished._

_Korra looked down at the smiling woman gratefully. Maybe Kya was right. Maybe her friends really did love her as more than just the avatar. Maybe Asami did too._

_"Thank you, Kya." Korra whispered._

_"Anytime kid, I'm always here if you ever want to talk." Kya smiled and stretched her back. "These steps are horrible for my old bones, I think I'm gonna turn in for the night." She stood up and locked eyes with the younger woman. "Can I wheel you back to your room?"_

_"No, I think I'm gonna stay out here a little while longer." Korra replied. Kya nodded and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder._

_"Just, think I about what I said, okay?" Korra nodded and Kya squeezed her shoulder lightly before walking back the way she came._

_**_

The tears slipped out uncontrollably. Korra shook and gasped as sobs racked her body, and Asami squeezed her even tighter. It felt like apart of her was gone. 

"Shh, it's okay baby, I've got you." Asami whispered, trying to cease her girlfriends trembling. 

"She's dead, Asami." Korra wheezed. "She's gone and she's never coming back." The tears blurred her vision and she blinked hard as they spilled down her cheeks. 

"It's okay." Asami soothed, even as she felt tears prick the corners of her eyes. 

"It's not fair." Korra sniffled. "The Red Lotus was _my_ battle."She shuddered. "She died fighting my battle." 

"Don't blame yourself, Korra." Asami whispered. "She wouldn't want you to."

"Maybe I could of helped her." Korra's voice shook, and Asami's heart broke for her girlfriend. "Maybe she would still be alive." 

Silence fell over the two women. They both knew there was no point in speculating and wondering what could of happened if they were there in time. There was nothing left to do but grieve.

* * *

Jinora shut her eyes tightly and took a deep breath. The steady exhale seemed to echo through the high ceilings of meditation room on the island. She'd snuck out of her room after she was sure her father had gone to sleep; there was no point in trying to sleep anyways, she knew she wouldn't be able to. Her dad had tried his best to be there for her and help her through this, but she knew the pain he was feeling had to be ten times worse than the pain she felt. 

If there was one thing they could all agree on, it was that her Aunt Kya's death had shook the entire island. She was respected and liked by everyone, to put it lightly. It was hard not to like her, with her incessant energy and easy-going demeanor. Jinora found that not just her, but everyone was drawn to her aunt; as her shining personality was hard to ignore. 

Jinora loved her aunt and uncle both equally, but she found it was much easier to connect with her aunt. Her Uncle Bumi was hilarious no doubt, but she and her aunt connected on a much deeper level. Perhaps it was because they were both spiritual people. Kya was always just so easy to talk to, she wasn't as strict as Jinora's dad was, but she also wasn't as crazy and eccentric as her Uncle Bumi was. 

She took another deep breath and tried to focus her mind. Meditation had always been her go-to, especially when she was feeling emotionally overwhelmed. It was a trait she shared with her aunt. 

**  
 _Jinora was meditating silently on the island when she heard the door creak open. She popped open one eye to see her aunt strolling in, closing the door behind her._

_"Hey hon, I heard you wanted to have a meditation session?" Kya smiled and Jinora nodded, as her aunt settled into the spot across from her._

_"Where did you go today?" Jinora asked. Her aunt absentmindedly twirled a lock of silver hair between her fingers._

_"Oh, just explored the city a little, that's all." Jinora nodded, but she could tell there was more to it than that. She wasn't the best at reading auras yet, but she could tell there was something going on with her aunt._

_"Jinora, is there something you want to talk about?" Her aunt's voice shocked Jinora back to the present. "I can tell your aura is conflicted." Wow, she's good, Jinora thought to herself. She'd have to ask later how Kya was able to read auras so effortlessly._

_"Actually, yes." Jinora admitted. Kya crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her thighs, leaning forwards in attention. Jinora sighed._

_"I want to get my airbending tattoos." Jinora confessed. She'd wanted to get her tattoos for the past few months, after she had realized her own spiritual power. Her dad had gotten them when he was around her age, but every time she brought it up, he would dismiss it completely. It was infuriating._

_Kya was silent for a minute before she spoke up._

_"I think you should too." She replied, and Jinora's eye's widened in surprise._

_"Really?"_

_"Absolutely." She smiled at her niece. "You're a fantastic airbender, and your spiritual powers and abilities extraordinary." Kya chuckled. "And I think that you know more about the culture than your dad does."_

_Jinora beamed. Maybe her aunt could convince her dad that she was finally ready._

_"Have you talked to your dad about this?" Kya asked gently. Jinora crossed her arms and looked at the floor._

_"Yeah, and he dismisses it every time." She huffed in irritation. "It's like he doesn't even believe in me."_

_"He does believe in you, honey." Kya assured her. "I just think he doesn't want to see you grow up so fast."_

_"But it hasn't been fast!" Jinora exclaimed. "I'm more than ready; I've been training my entire life for this!"_

_"I know, and you are ready, Jinora." Kya smiled. "And I believe in you completely."_

_Jinora smiled at her aunt. "Thank you, Aunt Kya."_

_"Anytime honey." Kya closed her eyes and went back to her meditation, while Jinora studied her aunt. She scrunched up her nose, trying to focus on Kya's aura. It was bright pink. Jinora may of been new to auras, but she wasn't stupid._

_"Aunt Kya?"_

_"Hm?"_

_"Are you in love?" Her aunt's eyes flew open and Jinora gasped._

_"I knew it!" Jinora exclaimed, and Kya looked at her in surprise._

_"Wow, kid." Kya sighed. "I see you're getting better at reading auras." Jinora smiled triumphantly and looked expectantly at her aunt._

_"So? Who is she? Does she feel the same way?" " Jinora launched rapid-fire questions at her aunt, who just shook her hand and laughed._

_"Slow down, kiddo." She laughed. "Also I think your dad would kill me if I indulged you with the secrets of my love life."_

_"Oh come on." Jinora pouted and her aunt laughed again._

_"All I can say is yes, I love her." She sighed. "And I guess we'll just see how it goes." Jinora looked like she wanted to prod for more, but decided against it._

_"I hope it works out, Aunt Kya." Jinora whispered softly. Her aunt smiled warmly back at her._

_"Thanks honey."_

**

Jinora wiped away a stray tear from her cheek. She was so tired of crying. She was so tired. 

Maybe it was because she was grieving, or maybe it was because of the memories associated with the room; but Jinora could swear she could still feel her aunt. She swore she could feel her aunt's familiar spiritual energy echoing through the high ceiling. If she was being honest, she had felt like this the entire day. Even seeing her aunt's lifeless body sprawled out across the floor; Jinora still could feel her energy. 

She knew it was just the grief talking. She knew that it was a futile psychological trick her brain was playing on her; giving her false hope. Even so, Jinora closed her eyes and let herself melt into the feeling of her aunt's energy. 

She let herself pretend that her aunt was still here. She let herself pretend she was being swept up in one of her tight hugs. She let herself believe this was all just one big nightmare, and that she would come downstairs tomorrow morning to see her aunt and uncle incessantly poking at her father. 

She let herself believe, even if it was just for the night, that her aunt's spirit was still here, and that maybe, just maybe, she wasn't really dead. 

But that was just it, Jinora didn't have her aunt with her; she had just her energy. Her aunt's energy was all she had left. She really should be thankful, everyone else couldn't feel the energy she felt, so they had nothing to remember her aunt by. 

But spiritual energy wasn't enough to stop the tears from falling. It wasn't enough the dissolve the knots of grief twisted around in her chest. 

It just wasn't enough. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok wow there was SO much to unpack in this chapter omg   
> firstly, im changing the age difference between the siblings so bumi is 4 years older than kya, and kya is two years older than tenzin.   
> also i've been reading you guys comments and i can confidently say that i will NOT be killing lin. i don't think im mentally stable enough to have to write her death scene too yikes   
> also jinora's flashback takes place somewhere at the beginning of s3, if you read my last fic, its when kya and jinora have the meditation session mentioned in ch3! also the spiritual energy in jinoras pov is going to be very important later on..  
> also i hope you guys liked this chapter, i know it wasn't really all kyalin focused, but i really wanted to focus on the different stages and types of grief that i think the people in kya's life would go through.. as always lmk what you thought comments r greatly appreciated <333


	9. what remains

"Right.. Yes... Thank you, General Iroh." Tenzin hung up the phone with a sigh. The United Forces had stormed the Red Lotus compound in the desert, capturing any remaining members and burning it to the ground. Them and the members who attacked the island would face trial in Earth Kingdom jurisdiction; where Tenzin was sure they'd be dealt with unpleasantly. 

It seemed the entire ordeal with the Red Lotus was over, but it didn't seem like much of a victory. 

Bumi walked into the room, offering a small smile to his brother. He looked exhausted, and Tenzin was sure he himself sported similar dark circles under his eyes.

"I was just about to call mom." Tenzin said solemnly. Bumi nodded and made his way over to the radio. 

"Do you want me to do it?" Bumi asked quietly. "I can if you don't want to." 

"No, it's fine." Tenzin sighed. "We can do it together." Bumi nodded as Tenzin picked up the receiver and radioed the South Pole. A scratchy hello greeted them. 

"Hello, this is Master Tenzin, is my mother there?" 

"Yes, one moment please, Master Tenzin." More scratching and fumbling echoed through the receiver. Katara's name was mentioned. After a few moments, a familiar voice rang through the receiver. 

"Tenzin, sweetie! It's wonderful to hear from you." Katara's sweet voice floated through the room and Tenzin felt his heart clench. How were you supposed to tell your mother that her only daughter was dead? 

"Mom, are you sitting down right now?" Tenzin whispered. Bumi crossed his arms over his chest and looked at his shoes. 

"No, I'm in the healing hut." She replied. "Are your siblings there? I'd love to talk to them too." Tenzin swallowed dryly. His throat felt like gravel. 

"Bumi's here with me mom." He said hoarsely. "But please just go sit down." 

"Alright fine." There was some scuffling on the other line. "Alright I'm sitting down, what's going on, Tenzin?"

Tenzin took a deep breath. 

"Mom, there was an attack on the island last night." He began. "It was the Red Lotus." 

"Oh dear! Is everyone alright?" Katara demanded in anticipation. Tenzin felt his throat go dry again. 

"No, mom." He blinked away the tears that were blurring his vision. "Kya- Kya didn't make it, mom." 

He was met with silence on the other line. 

"Mom?" 

A guttural wail pierced the air through the radio. 

Tenzin clenched the receiver in his hand, closing his eyes tightly. Bumi turned his head away from his brother as a single tear slipped down his face. Bumi suddenly grabbed the receiver from his brother, bringing it close to his face. 

"I'm so sorry mom." He choked. "We couldn't save her, I'm so sorry." 

Tenzin put a hand on his brother's shoulder as they huddled around the receiver, listening to the anguished cries of their mother. 

"We'll be down soon, mom." Tenzin whispered shakily. "I promise." 

* * *

The morning sunlight blazed through the open shades of Lin's apartment. She hadn't slept; she'd just laid on top of the bed staring at the ceiling. The way she saw it; you could control your thoughts while you were awake, but when you relinquished your subconscious to the mercy of your dreams; that's when the pain set in. 

So she'd kept herself awake. It wasn't like she was overly tired anyways. She'd let herself think about Kya, but when the memories went from happy to overwhelming, Lin would turn it off, letting the numbness overtake her again. 

Was it unhealthy? Sure. But there was no _right_ way to grieve, it was just one of those things you had to figure out by yourself, Lin believed. But she couldn't help but remember the last promise she made to Kya; to not spend the rest of her life grieving, and to not push everyone away. It almost made Lin irrationally angry. How could Kya make her promise something like that? You don't just _move on_ from the death of someone you love. How was she supposed to do that? How could Kya want her to just grieve and move on without a second thought? 

The phone next to her bed rang loudly, and Lin willed whoever it was to go away. She didn't want to talk to anyone right now. A thought occurred to her that it could be the station, and that something was wrong. Still, she couldn't bring herself to sit up and answer the phone. 

**  
  


_The loud, shrill ringing of the phone shook Lin out of her sleep. Kya groaned and peeked one eye open to look out the window. It wasn't even light outside yet. She groaned again and buried her head in the pillow._

_"Sorry, It's probably the station." Lin muttered swinging her legs off the bed to answer the phone._

_"I don't care." Kya mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow. "You promised you were going to take the day off."_

_"I know, I know." Lin muttered; half apologetic, half annoyed. She picked the phone off the hook and answered with a curt, "Beifong."_

_"Chief, it's Mako." Lin stifled a groan. Whatever he was interrupting her sleep for better of been good._

_"What is it, kid?" She demanded, and she heard Mako clear his throat on the other line._

_"Sorry to bother you so early, but I just got word of an altercation between the Monsoons and Agni Kai's. It sounds pretty violent." He paused. "I know you said you weren't coming in today, but I thought I'd let you know."_

_Lin turned to look at Kya, whose head was still buried in the pillow. Lin could tell she was listening._

_"Tell Saikhan he can lead a task-force of his choice to quell it." She sighed. "I'm not coming in today."_

_"Alright, I'll tell him Chief."_

_"Bye Mako." She placed the phone back on the hook lightly before crawling back into bed._

_Kya's head was still buried in the pillow, but Lin could see the faintest smile peeking out from the corner of her lips._

_"Happy now?" Lin grumbled, as she settled back into bed. Kya rolled over on her side, so Lin could fully see the smile dancing across her lips._

_"I don't know," Kya whispered. "I'll let you know in the morning."_

_"Technically, it is morning."_

_"Shhh." Kya scooted closer to Lin, planting a soft kiss on the inside of her wrist. "Thank you." She murmured softly._

_"Mm."_

_**_

The fervid glare that would normally make anyone else run and hide apparently did not work on the telephone, as it continued to ring. Lin forcefully swung her feet off the bed and yanked the phone off the hook. 

"What?" She growled. 

"Lin? It's Tenzin." She pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. 

"What do you want?" 

"I just wanted to let you know that General Iroh captured all remaining Red Lotus members." Tenzin's voice crackled through the phone. "They and the ones that attacked the island will be tried in the Earth Kingdom." 

Lin was silent. What was she supposed to say? It wasn't much of a victory. Great, they would probably rot in prison for their rest of their lives, but that meant nothing. Throwing them in prison, hell, even execution wouldn't bring Kya back. It didn't matter. 

"Lin?" 

"Is there something else you _need_ , Tenzin?" Lin sighed in exasperation. 

"Yes, actually." He paused. "I was wondering if you would like to come to the island and pick up some of Kya's things." Lin fell silent. Going back to the island so soon after Kya's death did not sound like something she wanted to do. 

"Tenzin, I don't think-"

"She'd want you to, Lin."

She sighed. Lin was _so_ tired of hearing that. But she did make a promise. And Lin had never been one to break them.

"I'm on my way." She slammed the receiver back down on the hook without waiting for his response. She slid off the bed and stretched her back. Her body ached. Perhaps grief did take on physical forms after all. 

Lin didn't bother washing her face or taking a shower. She made her way over to the living room where her armor had been discarded the night before. She stopped short when she realized it was still stained with blood. 

The grief hit her like a ton of bricks for what seemed like the millionth time. Not only would she have to, once again, scrub away the remnants of Kya; but her stained armor served as a painful reminder that pieces of Kya seemed to exist everywhere, and more cruelly; on the very thing that was closest to Lin's body. 

The metal armor suspended itself in the air under Lin's bending as she briskly walked over to the kitchen. She threw the uniform into the kitchen sink so hard she felt the metal dent itself. She flicked the water on and watched as it ran over the dull metal. Lin grabbed a washcloth hanging by the counter and began to scrub; for the second time in the past day. She regretted letting the blood dry over night, as it's now rusty color clung to the metal uniform like glue. 

She scrubbed and scrubbed, each stroke becoming more frenzied than the last. Lin wasn't sure how long she'd been there, but she had to get it all off. The friction created by the washcloth against her calloused hands stung with each brush, and she only frantically redoubled her ministrations. 

Lin couldn't help but wonder how Kya would react to seeing her like this. Kya had been there for her at her worst; when Amon took her bending, the lifetime of issues with her family, and of course, when the Red Lotus had tortured her. It cruel, the way that Kya wasn't here the one time Lin needed her most. 

Lin would _kill_ to have Kya here with here. The things she'd give to hear her laugh again. Spirits, she wouldn't even mind her incessant hippie chatter about auras and the universe. 

It was odd, really; the way you got used to someone's constant presence. Lin had somehow let herself get used to Kya always being there. She got used to waking up every morning to see Kya sprawled out across the bed, silver hair everywhere. She got used to Kya welcoming her home with a kiss and a cup of tea, and asking how her day was. She got used to Kya's presence _everywhere_ , and now that she was gone, nothing felt the same. The emptiness that Lin felt in her chest didn't exist just inside her, but everywhere that Kya had been. 

Lin hadn't realized she'd lost focus until she looked back down at her armor. It was spotless, no blood, no dirt, no grime; it was completely clean. It didn't give Lin the satisfaction she expected. The now spick-and-span uniform looked so foreign to her, like just a useless hunk of metal. She felt the same way when she dried it off and bent it to her body. 

Lin had always loved the earth. Not just because it was her element, but because it was steady and constant. Earth was everywhere if you looked hard enough, and it could never just vanish completely like fire or water could. Lin had learned throughout her life that people and relationships were always temporary, but the earth was constant. The earth couldn't leave her. 

She felt the same way about her armor. Lin had always considered herself impenetrable, but the metal armor clinging to her limbs just made her even more so. But as she rolled her shoulders against the metal uniform, she was met with only cold. The unforgiving metal that she had relied on for most of her life felt foreign and unfamiliar against her skin. She knew it was because she'd finally let down her dutifully built up walls with Kya, and now that she was gone, Lin had no defenses left. 

\--

Lin was secretly glad that no one came out to greet her when she arrived on the island. She wasn't really in the mood to trade grievances and mumbled apologies with Kya's brothers or the little airbenders. She just wanted to make her appearance, grab whatever was necessary, and get off the island as quickly as she could. She kept her gaze straight ahead, not letting her eyes wander to the building where Raiko had been kept. 

She walked along the narrow hallway of the women's dormitory, towards Kya's room at the end of the hall. Reaching forwards, Lin turned the doorknob, letting the door creak open. 

Lin stopped at the threshold, taking in the landscape of the room. The bed was neatly made, which someone had to of done, probably Pema, because Lin hadn't remembered her or Kya doing so. The rest of the room was just as spotless; it seemed unreal, almost, like a picture. The balcony door was slightly ajar, causing wisps of cool air to whisk around the room. 

Lin exhaled, stepping into the room and letting the door close behind her. Her glance flitted over to the bed again; where they had unknowingly spent their last night together on. She shook away the thought. 

She made her way over to the wooden dresser in the corner of the room. Inside was mostly empty, save a couple long blue dresses. Lin reached for one, letting her fingers slide across the soft material. She let it fall back to it's original position; the hangers rattling quietly as they knocked together. 

The room, much like Lin's own apartment was bare and undecorated for the most part. To anyone else, it looked like every other bedroom on the island. But Lin could easily recognize Kya's touch spread around the room. Light blue throw pillows decorated the the small divan, which rested on an equally teal carpet in the center of the room. Tiny potted succulents and a tray of green herbs rested the windowsill. Kya sure loved her plants. 

Even the bed, complete with the standard silky pale sheets the rest of the island utilized, just seemed to be so unbelievably _Kya_. Lin wasn't much for spiritual energy and all the "hippie crap", as she called it, but it just seemed like everywhere she went, there was something that reminded her of Kya. She hadn't realized how much Kya had overtaken her life. 

Lin made her way over to the side of the bed, stopping at the small wooden nightstand. It was empty, except for a metal lamp and a picture frame resting on top of it. Lin gingerly picked up the framed picture and held it close to her face, immediately recognizing it. It was of her and Kya. The sides of their faces were pressed together, Kya's eyes shut in a goofy grin, Lin's eyebrows quirked upwards in half exasperation, half amusement. 

_**_

_Lin had just stepped into the apartment when she heard Kya's pattering footsteps march through the living room._

_"Hiya chief!" Kya grinned and dangled something over her head. "Look what I got today!"_

_Lin tossed her uniform aside and raised an eyebrow at her girlfriend, who was dangling a small, portable camera in front of her face. Kya was still in her healers uniform; a long white dress with a red, vertical line running down the side. Her silver name tag pinned to the left side of her chest bounced up and down as she walked towards Lin._

_"Why do we need a camera?" Lin asked as Kya stopped in front of her._

_"For memories." Kya answered simply, a grin still plastered across her face. Lin groaned; she knew where this was going. Kya just laughed and threw an arm around Lin's shoulder before she could walk away. A quick peck on her lips was the most Lin got before Kya pulled her in close for the picture._

_Kya pressed the side of her face against Lin's, outstretching her arm and camera in front of them. Lin felt Kya's grin widen against her cheek, and she barely had time to raise an eyebrow before the camera flashed brightly. Kya placed her free hand on the other side of Lin's face, pressing her lips onto Lin's cheek. The camera flashed again._

_"How many of these are we gonna take?" Lin groaned, eliciting an amused chuckle from her girlfriend. Kya held up two fingers and wiggled them a little for good measure._

_"One for me and one for you." She fiddled with the camera. "I'll get them developed tomorrow after work." Kya looked up at Lin and grinned again. "See? Wasn't that fun chief?" Lin rolled her eyes in response._

_"I made it clear I never wanted kids, and somehow I still ended up with you." Lin muttered. Kya smiled and wrapped her arms around Lin's neck, pulling her in close._

_"I'll take that as a: I love you Kya, you are the light of my life, and I'd do anything for you!" Kya exclaimed dramatically, earning another eye-roll from her girlfriend._

_"I don't recall ever saying that." Lin teased. Kya just leaned in closer, brushing her lips against Lin's._

_"You're definitely thinking it though." Lin leaned in to chase the kisses Kya had pressed to her lips, only to have Kya pull away laughing._

_"You and I both know that you're head-over-heels for me, chief." Kya grinned and exhaled dreamily. "Even though you won't admit it."_

_"Whatever you need to tell yourself." Lin muttered sarcastically, even as her lips met Kya's in a soft kiss. Lin squeezed Kya's hip softly and felt a grin form against her lips._

_"Come on, let's eat." At Lin's raised eyebrow, Kya rolled her eyes and clarified: "Dinner."_

_Lin chuckled and Kya shot her a flirty wink._

_"For now."_

_**_

Lin slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, still holding the picture in her hands. She gently traced her thumb over Kya's cheek, letting herself imagine she was caressing the actual skin. It brought a faint smile to her face. 

The door creaked open, and Lin turned to look at the sudden noise. Bumi peeked his head in and offered Lin a weak smile. He looked exhausted. Lin couldn't blame him; she doubted anyone had gotten much sleep after last night's events. 

"Hey Lin." He greeted her and Lin just nodded in his direction. She hadn't invited him in, or given him any indication that she wanted company, but nevertheless he entered the room and closed the door behind him. Lin bit back a sarcastic remark. Bumi was hurting just as much as she was, if not more. Kya had made her promise to not push everyone away, and Lin intended to do right by her, even though she wanted nothing more than to push him out the way he came. 

Bumi sat down on the edge of the bed with her, far enough away to maintain personal space, but still a little too close for Lin's liking. She shifted a little uncomfortably, and realized she was still holding the picture frame. She hastily put it back on the nightstand. She looked back at Bumi, who was sitting looking at his hands. 

"You know, it's weird," He broke the silence timidly, almost as if he was afraid to speak, which was quite out of character for him. "I feel like any minute she's gonna bust in and lecture us about our auras or something." 

Lin surprised both of them by letting out a dry chuckle. It did sound like something Kya would say. 

A comfortable silence overtook the pair, and Lin was grateful for it. Sometimes quiet is all you really need. She was tired of hearing about what Kya would want, or how she'd lived her life; she was tired of muttered condolences and pitied looks. She was thankful that he wasn't trying to console her or form some kind of brotherly bond with her through Kya's death. Lin was perfectly content with sitting in silence. 

And that was the fundamental difference between her and Kya. Kya loved to converse, and carry on conversations with everyone and anyone she met, it was just apart of her personality. She always had witty remark for every situation, or a joke resting in the back of her throat. Lin, however, enjoyed the quiet. She liked to listen more than discuss, and to simply enjoy the other person's presence, rather than the pressure of carrying on a conversation. 

But Lin had always suffered in silence, and she knew it only led to emotional explosions later on. And as much as she wanted to grieve the only way she knew how: through silence; she'd promised Kya. 

"I'm really sorry, Bumi." Lin whispered. "I know she meant a lot to you." It came out a little colder than she expected, but it really was the most she could do. Lin didn't really think he expected her to be his personal therapist anyways. 

"Yeah." He continued to look at his hands. "That's one thing we have in common I guess." He sighed. 

Lin fell silent. She didn't really know what else to say. She copied his posture and looked at her hands. 

"We told mom this morning." He murmured. Lin swallowed and nodded. That couldn't of been a pleasant conversation. "The funeral is going to be next week at the South Pole." He finished solemnly. 

_Funeral._ Somehow thinking about Kya's funeral made this whole ordeal seem a hundred times more real. It meant that this wasn't just one bad dream anymore, it meant Lin would have to sit with grieving family and friends and pretend she would be able to move on like the rest of them. 

But what scared Lin the most was the fact she hadn't snapped or yelled at anyone yet. She always did. Especially when she was hurting. It made her think that perhaps being at her girlfriend's funeral, surrounded by family and friends, could prove to be the last straw. She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice Bumi pulling something out of his pocket. A flash of blue caught her eye. 

Kya's necklace. 

"Tenzin gave it to me, but I think you should have it." Lin's eyes flitted towards the necklace he was extending towards her. 

"Bumi, I can't take this." Lin whispered. Bumi just took her hand and enclosed it over the blue necklace. 

"She'd want you to have it." He murmured. Lin nodded thankfully and ran her index finger over the half-crescent shape in the middle. 

_**_

_"You know, you never told me about your necklace." Kya lifted her head up from her position on Lin's chest to look at her._

_"Aw, are you worried that I'm secretly engaged, chief?" Kya teased, lightly poking Lin's cheek with her index finger. Lin rolled her eyes._

_"Just curious."_

_Kya smiled and brushed a lock of silver hair behind her shoulder. "I made it for myself after my dad died and I settled down in the South Pole with mom." She touched the necklace, running her finger over the blue fabric. "Of course, the people down there are incredibly nosy, I mean, a woman as beautiful as me, not married?" Kya joked. "I was the talk of the town."_

_She ran a single finger up Lin's forearm. "I'd been with a lot of women throughout my travels," Kya admitted. "And I guess none of them truly felt right." She smiled down at Lin. "I made it as a half crescent because I was waiting for my other half." Kya finished with a dreamy smile on her face. She tapped Lin's lips with her index finger. "And then the universe brought you to me."_

_"Was it the universe, or a crazy bloodbender taking my bending that brought me there?" Lin snorted sarcastically. Kya grinned and leaned in to brush her lips against Lin's._

_"The universe sounds more romantic, babe." Kya whispered._

_"Mmhm." Lin murmured in amused agreement, tangling her fingers in Kya's hair and pulling her in for a deeper kiss._

_**_

"Lin?" Lin shook herself out of the memory as Bumi's voice brought her back to the present. 

"Hm?" 

"Can I ask you something?" He took Lin's silence as a concession. 

"What were her last words?" Lin immediately turned to look at him, and Bumi was afraid he went too far. If he was in her position, he wouldn't want to recount that either. Before he could apologize and tell her to forget it, Lin spoke up. 

"She asked me to promise her that I wouldn't push everyone away." Lin said quietly. "She wanted me to promise that I wouldn't spend the rest of my life grieving." 

Bumi fell silent again. His sister's last words were to console her girlfriend. It was fitting. 

"I don't know how I'm supposed to do that, Bumi." Lin whispered; in such an uncharacteristic quietness. "How am I just supposed to move on?" 

"I don't know." He admitted. "And I don't want to move on." Lin turned to look at him as he continued. "I don't want to mourn her and then grieve and move on and forget that my little sister died!" His voice continued to raise. "If I move on, then that means I'm forgetting her, and she deserves to be remembered." His voice lowered back to his original tone as he finished. 

"There is _no one_ , that deserved to live more than her." He whispered, and Lin felt herself nod. Kya deserved to live. She deserved to be here, with them. 

"I'm so sorry Bumi." She wasn't really sure what she was apologizing for. _I'm so sorry that your only sister is dead. I'm so sorry that she died saving me._ The last thought sent another wave of guilt through her. There was honestly no other way to spin it. She'd watched as Kya sent a thick stream of water towards the Red Lotus member sneaking up behind her, and she'd remembered picking the pouch up later, and realizing it was empty. It should of been her. 

Bumi stood up and stretched his back. Part of Lin wanted him to stay, as a reminder that she wasn't alone in this. The other part of her was happy to see him leave, as the guilt over Kya's death was becoming overwhelming. 

"I know we've never been all that close," Bumi stopped halfway from the bed. "But I'm here if you ever want to talk, or grieve, or whatever." Lin nodded appreciatively and Bumi turned to walk away, knowing he probably wasn't going to get much else out of her. 

"Bumi?" He turned around to make eye-contact with her. "Thank you." She motioned to the necklace and Bumi knew he made the right decision by giving it to her. 

"You're welcome." He turned and walked out the way he came, closing the door behind him, leaving Lin alone. She sighed, looking back down at the necklace enclosed in her hand. She gingerly balled it up and placed it in her pocket; she felt it through her pants, pressed against her thigh. She stood up and looked around the room one last time. She wasn't really sure what she'd come here for in the first place, but she was fulfilled that she did. 

She walked over to the door and took in the room once again. The tiny potted succulents on the windowsill. The pale sheets now rumpled from where she and Bumi had sat. The white curtains billowing in front of the open balcony door. As the curtains sashayed and swelled in the breeze, Lin swore she saw Kya standing out on the balcony, her silver hair twirling in the cool air. The curtains moved again and she was gone. 

Lin closed the door behind her, making her way out of the women's dormitory. The bright sunlight stung her eyes as she stepped outside; a welcome contrast from the chilly autumn air. The building to her left caught her eye, the same one she'd tried not to look at when she came in this morning. She felt herself walking, swiftly and briskly towards it, and she let her body lead her while her heart screamed at her to stop. She didn't want to go in there. 

Before she knew it, she was stopped in front of the door, and before she could talk herself out of it, she threw it open, listening to it rattle against its hinges at the sudden action. 

The room was obviously newly cleaned, and she did not envy whoever had that job. The blood was scrubbed off the floor and walls, the only thing out of place was the still broken window towards the front of the room. Her eyes roamed around the entirety of the room, each spot bringing up a new memory. The wall to the left, where she had nearly killed the man who'd tortured her. The window, where the Red Lotus soldier had snuck up on her and almost killed her.

The right center of the room; where Lin had felt Kya's heart stop. 

Lin walked over to the area, stopping and kneeling on the floor. She brushed her fingers across the hard wood, avoiding the dark, stained areas. The necklace felt heavy in her pocket. Her stomach churned and clenched at the sudden memory. Why did she come here? She couldn't explain how she felt so suddenly drawn to the room. Like some sort of invisible string had unconsciously pulled her here. 

_Lin._

She turned around to fast that she nearly toppled over. The room was empty besides her. Her eyes searched the room frantically, trying to locate the voice she'd just heard. She came up with nothing. Lin shook her head and stood up slowly, dusting herself off. _Great, I'm losing my fucking mind._

Kya was not trying to contact her from 'beyond the grave'. As far as Lin knew, hallucinations and voices were apart of the grieving process, she just had to figure out what was real and what was not. _Kya_ wasn't real. Not anymore. 

Kya wasn't trying to contact her, or talk to her, or any of that 'spirity' stuff because she wasn't here. Kya was dead. She was gone and she was _never_ coming back. Maybe the sooner Lin accepted that, then she could finally trust her own mind again. 

Even so, Lin couldn't help a shiver running down her spine. She couldn't help but feel like she was being watched. Her seismic sense had always instilled her with a sense of confidence in knowing where everybody was at any given time. But even that couldn't protect her from the uncertainty in her own mind. 

She hurried to the door and took one last look at the room before closing it behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok. sorry this took me so long to write, i got myself in a little bit of a funk ;(. i definitely underestimated how much of an effect killing one of my biggest comfort characters would have on my emotional stability yikes.   
> anyways lmk what you thought of lin and bumi :)))) theyre honestly one of my biggest brotps and i couldnt resist writing them in.  
> also this and the next chapter are probably going to be the last of the grief centered chapters before i set the new plotline in motion... 
> 
> also remember in my last fic when i said lin and kya were connected by some sort of spiritual string.. remember that..  
> i estimate this fic to have roughly around 16-18 chapters in case you were wondering. as always comments are greatly appreciated <333


	10. lin alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i rewrote this five different times omg   
> anyways enjoy the long awaited: lin's emotional breakdown :(

Lin _hated_ the cold. She hated the way the air would puncture your lungs like sharp daggers every time you'd take a breath, and she hated the way the unstable snow would crunch below her feet, providing her with an inadequate means of footing. The South Pole was like her own personal hell. 

The past week had been brutal. After her odd experience at the island, nothing felt right anymore. She hadn't been sleeping either. The nightmares would come and go, and as horrible as they were, Lin could deal with them. She had before. However, the feeling of being watched incessantly was slowly driving her off the deep end. Waking up in the middle of the night, sure that she wasn't alone, or constantly looking over her shoulder throughout the day was maddening. 

The logical part of her knew she was grieving, and that it would take time until she'd fully heal. The other part of her was convinced she'd officially lost her mind. She wouldn't let herself think about the alternative: that somehow, maybe, she wasn't going crazy, and there was some kind of spirity stuff going on. Letting herself believe that would only add salt to the wound.

Lin had never really had much faith in the supernatural spirit world. She of course, knew it existed, but only thought it applied to the avatar and whatnot. The way she saw it, death was final, there was no reincarnation, no spooky purgatory on the other side. Death was the last moment in life, and then it was nothing. She had to get that through her head. 

The funeral was held in the South Pole, for Katara's convenience of course, and it was freezing, to say the least. The sun was completely covered by dark clouds, while wisps of white snow rained down on the service in a majestic shower. Kya would of loved it. 

For some reason that eluded Lin, Kya _loved_ snow, despite the fact that it was a regular occurrence where she used to live. When the weather got cold enough to snow in Republic City, Kya would drag Lin out of bed at some ungodly hour in the morning to watch the tiny white puffs fall out of the sky; like a show put on just for them. Kya's eyes would light up like a child on their birthday, as she watched the snow fall in little flurries. Lin would grumble and try to pull her back to bed, but Kya would hold onto her tightly, her eyes never leaving the sight in front of her. Kya used to say the snow was a symbol of the world beginning anew again. Lin would roll her eyes and say it was just weather. 

One of the reasons why people were so drawn to Kya was because of the way she found the beauty in the littlest of things. Whereas Lin would consider snow as nothing but a cold inconvenience, Kya would squeal and gush about the way it melted on your tongue, or the way it would cling to your hair like little white barrettes. It always baffled Lin how in something that most people viewed as a nuisance, Kya could find dozens of reasons why it was beautiful. Perhaps that's why she'd loved Lin. 

Kya had always seen past the front Lin put up, even as most people accepted the coldness as her actual personality. Kya had realized long ago that Lin wasn't the stony, unfeeling _Chief Beifong_ that she tried so hard to make everyone see. Sure, Lin was characteristically a serious person, she was far from heartless. She was more complex than anyone cared to take into account, besides Kya. Kya just always seemed to bring out the best in Lin, without even trying. 

Lin shivered again. Spirits, the South Pole had to be one of her _least_ favorite places. 

**

_Lin couldn't believe she'd gotten roped into this. Saying she was freezing would be an understatement._

_Kya had somehow convinced her to take a vacation, which not only was unheard of in Lin's world, but also not on her short list of things she found enjoyable. They planned to visit Katara in the South Pole for a couple days, and then Kya wanted to show Lin some of her favorite places she'd traveled. Kya argued that things were finally peaceful in Republic City, and that they would probably never have another chance to vacation with each other again. Lin silently cursed Korra and Asami for inspiring Kya by their own spirit world vacation._

_Even heavily clothed in a thick, wool, long-sleeved night shirt and an equally hefty pair of pants, Lin still felt like an icicle. The thick animal furs she had wrapped around her body didn't help much either._

_Kya knelt over in front of the small fireplace, stoking the tiny flames into a larger fire. She wore only her usual dark blue nightdress._

_"How are you not freezing?" Lin chattered, pulling the furs tighter around her body. Kya turned around, an eyebrow quirked up in amusement._

_"Just used to it, I guess." She grinned and turned back towards the fire. "I can't believe I finally found the esteemed Chief Beifong's biggest weakness." She chuckled. "Besides me, of course."_

_"I find it hard to believe people would choose to live here voluntarily." Lin grumbled. Kya chuckled and motioned for Lin to join her._

_"Come stand by the fire, you'll feel better, I promise." Lin reluctantly slid off the bed, still not relinquishing the warm animal furs wrapped around her shoulders. She moved to stand beside Kya in front of the fireplace, who wrapped an arm around Lin's waist, pulling her in close and resting her chin on her shoulder. Kya tilted her head upwards to look at Lin, who was staring down at her with a single eyebrow quirked._

_"What?" Lin smirked and shook her head._

_"Just thinking about all the ways you could possibly make this up to me." Kya chuckled and tightened her grip around Lin's waist._

_"Say less, chief." Kya pulled her into a passionate kiss, and Lin's hand gravitated to the back of her neck, pressing their faces together. The other found it's way to the small of Kya's back, trailing in an aimless circular pattern. Kya's lips were as soft as they were warm, and Lin allowed the familiar warmth to fill her body._

_"Feeling warmer yet?" Kya pulled away just enough to murmur, but close enough that their breaths still mingled together. Lin rolled her eyes and trailed an aimless finger underneath Kya's chin._

_"Not quite."_

_Kya grinned again and bit her bottom lip._

_"I hoped you'd say that." Was all Kya had time to whisper before Lin's lips overtook hers again. The heat from their bodies coupled with the warmth of the fire proved just the means to melt away the icy tundra outside, and although Lin would never admit it, in this moment, she would be perfectly content with spending the rest of her life tangled between Kya and the animal furs wrapped around them. And with Kya's warm mouth against hers, fingers slowly traveling down her side, Lin couldn't help but think a vacation was a good idea after all._

_**_

Snow continued to fall in quick intervals, the small white puffs clinging to Lin's outer jacket. Her gaze flitted back to the front, where a casket and a picture of Kya rested. Traditional water-tribe funerals consisted of ocean burials, but that was to be a smaller, more intimate ceremony, unlike the one Lin was at now. She hadn't seen most of these people since Aang's funeral many years ago. 

To her right, sat Katara, Tenzin, and Bumi. Pema and the children sat a row behind. Lin watched as Katara cried silently, wrapped in the tight embrace of her two sons. Lin felt her heart clench. Katara had lost her own mother at a young age, then her husband, her brother, and now, her only daughter. It was almost unbearably cruel how much she'd suffered throughout her life. 

The next column belonged to the Beifong's. Lin sat on the edge, with her mother and Su sitting beside her. The rest of Su's admittedly huge family sat further down the row. Zuko, Izumi, and General Iroh sat a row behind them, and team avatar next to them. Lin recognized other family friends from her childhood, but none of which she had any personal connection to. 

Lin's gaze flitted back up to where the picture of Kya stood perched in front of the dark brown casket. Her silver hair was pulled back in her traditional pony-tail, save couple of loose strands that hung down the side of her cheeks. Lin was glad they hadn't chosen a picture from her youth; it was no doubt that Kya had always been beautiful, but Lin felt that Kya only got more and more stunning as the years passed. The picture was clear enough to see the tiny laugh lines underneath her eyes, and the little dimple on the left side of her cheek. Light teal eyes bored into Lin's, and she let herself imagine she was staring into the real thing. 

Su followed her sister's gaze to the picture, watching as she stared numbly at it. She placed a hand on top of Lin's in comfort, but she didn't acknowledge the gesture. Su squeezed her hand lightly, in an attempt to convey her sincerity. Lin pulled her hand away without a glance in her sister's direction. 

Lin slipped a hand into her pocket, her fingers brushing lightly over the fabric of Kya's necklace. She couldn't bring herself to wear it. She'd tried, one night, but immediately took it off as she looked in the mirror. She had felt like an imposter, wearing something that didn't belong to her. Perhaps she was still holding onto some false hope that Kya would come back one day to claim it. 

Lin watched as Katara silently made her way up to the front, followed by Tenzin and Bumi. She placed a single white flower on top of the casket; it's pale whiteness stark against the dark brown wood. Tenzin and Bumi each followed suit with a flower of their own. When it was their row's turn, Lin hardly felt herself stand and move over to the casket. She looked down at the white flower in her hand. Water-lilies. Kya's favorite. 

She remembered the way these same flowers grew on top of the ponds at Air Temple island, and how Kya would often drag Lin down to the gardens in the middle of the night because she liked the way the flowers looked under the moonlight. Lin had soon found that her view of Kya under the moonlight was much better than any flower. In a way, Kya was like a flower; a beautiful, exotic, fully-bloomed flower, so full of energy and life. 

But the white flower in her hand wasn't fully-bloomed, it was slightly wilted; the edges beginning to decay and brown. Water-lilies needed water to survive, they needed to be connected to it at all times; it was their source of life. Water itself was a source of life, more so in water-benders. Water was pure energy; it was supposed to keep all living things alive. It was supposed to keep Kya alive. 

Lin lightly placed the flower on top of the casket, letting her fingers trace over the cold wood. It felt numb against her hand. She felt another hand on her arm. She turned her head slightly to see Su staring up at her with a reassuring smile. She pulled away. She didn't want to be pitied, and she didn't want anybody feeling sorry for her. This was her battle and her battle alone. 

Kya's last words spun through her head again. _Don't push everyone away._ If only Kya knew how close Lin was to snapping completely. She felt like a rubber-band that someone had pulled too much; about to break in half. Every muscle in her body was tense, every nerve aflame. Pushing people away was the only way to ensure she wouldn't hurt them. It had worked for most of her life, she'd always kept the people she cared about an arms length away, not letting them get close enough to hurt. The only person she'd ever fully let in was Kya. 

And even then, they had their problems, like every relationship did. Lin knew how to cut deep with her words, and Kya was certainly no pushover. Kya was as free-flowing as the element she bent, whereas Lin was as stubborn and stead-fast as they came. But at the end of the day, they were both older, and didn't have the time to fight and hold grudges like teenagers. Neither one of them was keen on being the first to apologize, but most times, their regrets were conveyed with a certain amount of unspokeness that both were fine with. 

The light brushes of their fingers meant _I'm sorry._

Lingering glances as they got ready for bed was the unspoken _I love you._

Lin still remembered one of their worst fights, which had ended with her storming out and slamming the door so violently it almost snapped off it's hinges. She hadn't wanted to return, because she was sure Kya wouldn't be there when she did. When she finally came back in the early hours of the morning, she was surprised to find Kya sitting on the couch waiting for her; no bags packed, no note left on the nightstand. Neither one of them had said anything, Kya just gently took her hand and led her to the bedroom as they crawled in next to each other. As they laid facing each other, Lin remembered asking her why she hadn't left. Kya had simply said that you don't leave the ones you love. When she woke the next morning, Lin had whispered _I'm sorry_ over and over again to a still sleeping Kya, because she hadn't had the courage to look her in the eye. Everyone that Lin had ever loved had left her eventually, except for Kya. Kya just seemed to keep coming back. 

_You don't leave the ones you love._

But Kya _had_ left. It wasn't her fault, but she was gone nonetheless. 

She couldn't help it; Lin was angry. She wasn't completely sure who she was angry at. The Red Lotus? The universe? Maybe at every single person that suddenly thought they were experts on what Kya would want. 

If anything, she was angry at herself. The hatred she felt for herself was unlike any she'd experienced before. In front of every mirror was a reflection that reminded her that she'd failed; that she'd failed to keep Kya safe. 

_I don't need you to promise to protect me, Lin._

But she _should_ of. Lin should of protected her. She should of kept her safe. Kya shouldn't of used the last of her water on Lin, she shouldn't of been in the situation in the first place. There was so many things that _should of_ happened, but the biggest one was eating Lin alive. 

_It should of been me._

Her eyes swept around the audience. The ceremony was practically over, and Lin was in no mood to trade grievances with people she hardly knew; much less in her current state. She stalked away from the group, earning her a confused look from Su and her mother. The cold air pierced sharp holes in her lungs with every breath, and she pulled the coat tighter around her body. The snow crunched and groaned beneath her stride, and Lin found an odd sense of satisfaction in the incessant noise. It was a welcome distraction from the way her head was spinning. Her senses were intensely alive, she felt every snow particle melt against her cheek, every stitch in the fabric against her body. Her heartbeat unwillingly intensified, and she felt blood rush to her already ringing ears. 

She threw open the door of the hut she'd been staying in, stumbling in and shutting the door behind her. Attempting another deep breath, Lin stumbled forwards to the already lit fireplace, desperate for a source of warmth. She leaned over, placing both hands on either side of the stone furnace wall, letting the heat from the flame attempt to calm her tensed nerves. It wasn't working.

"Lin? Are you okay?" Lin didn't have to turn around to recognize Su's voice. She gripped the furnace wall tighter. She was in no mood to play therapist-patient with her sister. 

"Get out, Su." Lin growled, still not looking at her. Su shook her head and stepped further into the room stubbornly. 

"No, Lin." Su crossed her arms over her chest and spoke softly. "Let me help you through this." 

"Get _out_ Su." Lin repeated. "I won't ask again." Her ears were ringing so loudly she hardly heard herself speak. Every muscle was tensed so tight they quivered. 

"Please let me help, Lin." Su paused. "She wouldn't want to see you like this." 

Lin wasn't really sure whether it was Su's last statement, the lack of sleep she'd gotten in the past week, or maybe even the sensory overload she was going through; but there was no other way to explain it. She just snapped. 

The stone furnace wall crumbled as Lin dug her hands into it, and small rocks tumbled down into the fire with a sizzle as they touched the flame. Lin whirled around to glare at Su, who looked quite startled at her sister's sudden outburst. 

"You want to fucking _help_ me, Su?" Lin yelled. "Then get the fuck out!" Su flinched slightly at her words, but didn't back down. She wasn't exactly a stranger to being at the blunt end of Lin's rage. 

"Lin, I want to be there for you, I really do." Su reached out for her sister. "Please let me-"

"Oh, you want to _be there_ for me?" Lin snarled. "That's real fucking rich, coming from you." Lin knew by the look in Su's eyes that her words stung, but she didn't care. She was just so incredibly angry. 

"Lin, I just meant that you aren't alone in this, we-" 

"See, that's where you're wrong, Su." Lin's voice continued to rise. "I _am_ fucking alone, and I sure as hell don't need your pity and empty apologies!" 

"I lost _everything,_ Su!" Lin yelled. Someone came into the hut behind Su. It looked like Katara, but Lin couldn't be sure through her blurred vision and still spinning head. "I have _nothing_ left, and suddenly, you and everyone else are experts in what she'd want?!" Lin outstretched her arms at her sides. "Well _fuck that_!" 

" _Please_ , Lin, you need-" 

"You want to lecture me on what I need? Huh?" Lin exploded. "Fuck you!" She brought her hands up to her temples and pressed deeply. "There is is only _one_ thing I've _ever_ needed and it's gone! She was the best thing that ever happened to me and I'm the reason she's dead!" 

"Lin, what-" 

"Get out! I don't need this right now." Lin glowered down at her sister, wishing she would just leave. She had no control over her emotions right now, and didn't want to say more things she'd regret.

Su hadn't realized she'd been crying until a tear slipped down her cheek. She wiped it away quickly. It wasn't like her sister's words hadn't stung, but that wasn't really the reason she was crying. She'd never seen Lin like this. Lin had been angry at her before, sure, but never like this. Normally her sister's eyes were cold and unreadable, but now, they were so full of pain. So full of _guilt_. She wasn't informed of the particulars of Kya's death, but Lin certainly couldn't of been at fault, could she? 

Su felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around to see Katara looking at her with saddened eyes. 

"Let me talk to her, sweetie." Su nodded and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. Katara waited until Su closed the door behind her before returning her gaze to Lin. 

Lin had turned back towards the fire, away from Katara. She tried desperately to slow her heartbeat, but she was still breathing heavily. She needed to calm herself down before she hurt someone else. Su would probably never speak to her again, she couldn't do the same to the woman that had been like a second mother to her. 

Katara watched silently as Lin balled and un-balled her fists by her sides. She would allow her a moment to gather herself. 

"Please leave, Aunt Katara." Lin whispered quietly. She would never forgive herself if she snapped at Katara too. "Please." 

"I'm not leaving, Lin." Katara murmured. "You might be able to scare your sister away, but I know you too well." 

Lin fell silent. She was too afraid to open her mouth and say something she knew she'd regret. Once again, she'd ruined everything. She'd alienated her sister _again,_ she'd shown Katara what a horrible person she was, she'd broken her last promise to Kya to not push everyone away; she'd failed in every way.

"Tenzin told me you were the last person with her." Katara's voice shocked Lin back to the present. "And I'd like to know how you think it was your fault." 

"Please just drop it." Lin shut her eyes tightly. She was _so_ tired of talking about it. "Please." She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned around slightly to face the shorter woman, who looked at her with pleading eyes. They looked so much like Kya's. 

"A mother needs to know, Lin." 

They both fell silent. Katara would give Lin all the time she needed. 

Lin stared blankly ahead at the furnace wall. She was the reason why Kya was dead. Katara would _hate_ her. Perhaps she deserved it. She deserved to face punishment for her failure, and Katara was the judge. 

"She used the last of her water to save me from an attack." Lin clenched her fists by her side. "She didn't have any left to heal or save herself." Her voice cracked, and Lin clamped her mouth shut before the emotional floodgate came loose. 

Katara was silent. Lin stared back at the fire, waiting for Katara to yell and scream at her. It never came. 

"Would you have done the same for her?" Katara asked quietly. Lin turned to look at her in confusion. 

"What?" 

"I said, would you have done the same for her?" 

"Of course I would." The question caught Lin off guard. The entire issue here was that it should of been her instead of Kya. 

"That's it then." Katara clasped her hands together tightly and looked into the fire. 

"What?" Lin tried to suppress the rage boiling up in her stomach. Why wasn't Katara mad? Her only daughter was dead because of Lin. She should be angry. She should be yelling, screaming, kicking, she should be grieving. Why wasn't she? "I don't understand." 

"Love isn't just about intimacy and attraction, Lin." Katara said matter-of-factly. "Sometimes it's about sacrifice and loss. It's clear to me that you two loved each other very much, to the point that you would lay down your lives for each other." Lin was still staring blankly ahead, but Katara could tell she was listening. 

"But it should of been me." Lin rasped. Katara shook her head. 

"She made her choice, Lin, and if I know my daughter, she would of done it again and again if given the chance." Katara reached up to put a comforting hand on Lin's cheek. 

"I'm so sorry, Aunt Katara." Lin choked. "I'm so so so sorry." Katara smiled up sadly at the tears beginning to brim in Lin's eyes. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for my dear." Katara wrapped her in a tight hug, and much to her surprise, Lin let her. Lin closed her eyes tightly in the embrace of the elderly woman, who was the closest physical thing she had left of Kya. 

"How did you do it, Aunt Katara?" Lin whispered quietly. "When Aang died." Katara pulled away and patted Lin's cheek affectionately. 

"Oh Lin, this isn't something that you'll get over in a week." She smiled sadly. "It took me years to truly let him go." 

"Years?" Lin croaked. She could not imagine feeling like this for years. She couldn't do it. Katara nodded and smiled. 

"Grief is different for everyone, sweetie." She murmured. "But I've accepted that it was his time, and that I will meet him again." Lin looked at her feet. She didn't know if she could truly accept that it was Kya's time. Her death was so violent and sudden, how could it of been her time? 

Sensing Lin's inner turmoil, Katara reached for her hand, squeezing it gently in comfort. "You'll get through this, honey." She paused. "But Su was right, Lin, you can't do this alone. There are so many people that want to help you, Lin, but you have to let us in." 

"I don't know how." Lin whispered. Katara shook her head and smiled. 

"You did with Kya, didn't you?" Lin nodded tentatively, even though she wasn't completely how she did. It just kind of happened. 

"Love is about opening up, Lin." Katara whispered. "Su loves you, and even though I know you won't admit it, you love her too." 

"She probably hates me." Lin muttered. Shame washed through her body at the memory of her outburst. 

"Did you mean anything you said?" Katara asked gently. 

"No." Lin admitted. Katara smiled. 

"I think she'll understand." Lin nodded, and mustered a half smile to the older woman. She was sure it came out more like a frown. 

"Thank you, Aunt Katara." Katara smiled sweetly and squeezed Lin's hand once more. 

"I love you, sweetie." Lin nodded her thanks and Katara watched as she walked out the door. Her daughter had fallen in love with the serious and stoic Lin Beifong, and somehow turned her into a caring, empathetic woman concerned with her sister's feelings. Perhaps she'd underestimated her daughter's healing abilities. 

Luckily, the hut where Su and her family was staying wasn't too far from Lin's. Snow continued to fall from the sky in little flurries as Lin trudged along the pathway. She paused when she reached the door of the hut. Would Su even forgive her? She hadn't exactly held back in her outburst earlier. She internally cursed herself for putting Su at the receiving end of the rage that had nothing to do with her. That wasn't fair to her. 

Lin reached up to knock briskly on the door. The wood underneath her fingers mixed with the cold air stung her knuckles. At first, there was no answer, but Lin heard some shuffling and felt footsteps coming towards the door. They were too heavy to be Su's. Baatar Sr. opened the door, and behind him, Lin could see Su sitting on the bed, looking at her feet. 

"Could I talk to my sister?" Baatar nodded and motioned for her to come in. Su looked up and her eyes widened when she saw her sister. Her eyes were red and puffy. It didn't take a genius to figure out she'd been crying. 

"I'm gonna go check on the kids honey." Su nodded and mustered a half smile to her husband. Baatar closed the door behind him, leaving the two sisters alone. Lin swallowed awkwardly and Su stared at her feet. 

"I'm sorry." Lin muttered. "I didn't mean what I said." Su looked up at her, and Lin couldn't meet her eye. She felt so guilty. 

"I know." Su whispered. 'I understand, Lin, I really do." She patted a spot next to her, and Lin tentatively moved to sit on the bed. A comfortable silence overtook the pair. 

"I know I hurt you Lin." Su whispered. "And I don't think I ever truly apologized for it." She blinked back the tears beginning to brim in her eyes. "But I love you Lin, and I want to make up for it, if you'll let me." 

Lin was a little shocked at her sister's sudden admittance. Su _had_ physically scarred her, and Lin had always been angry because of it, but they'd both grown and aged and for once, Lin was ready to forget and forgive. Maybe Kya had rubbed off on her after all. 

"I love you too, Su." Lin expected the words to feel foreign coming out of her mouth, but to her surprise, they felt candid and familiar. Su finally made eye-contact with her, and threw her arms around Lin's shoulders in a tight embrace. 

"I promise to be there for you this time, Lin." Su whispered. "I want to help you get through this." Lin nodded her thanks against her sister's shoulder, this kind of lovey-dovey sisterly affection was a little new for her, but maybe it would prove to be therapeutic. 

Lin couldn't help but think, there, hugging her sister in the frozen tundra, that Kya would be proud of her. Kya had always pushed for Lin to reconcile with her family, even when Lin didn't want to. When Toph had shown up unannounced to her apartment years ago, it was Kya who insisted that they talk out their problems, even though Lin wanted to kick her to the curb without a second thought. 

But now, Lin was putting her family back together on her own. Because at this point, it was all she had left. She'd spent her life getting through things alone, because it was easier to count on yourself than other people. 

But in that moment, wrapped in the sisterly embrace of Su, she silently reaffirmed her promise to Kya, that she would never again push the people that cared about her away. Life was too short. 

She hoped Kya was listening. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow that was heavy YIKES   
> and yes i took some liberties into water tribe funeral customs....sue me..  
> also this was my first crack at lin x su dynamics so lmk what u thought!   
> ok so the next chapter is going to be the last of the grief-centered ones, and then we move on to the new plotline...im actually so excited to write some of the later chapters i just need to get through all these heavy ones first yoikes  
> anyways thanks so much for reading and in case no one told you today: you are loved and you matter <33


	11. saw you in a dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> anyways go stream saw you in a dream by japanese house its such a beautiful song and it reminds me of kyalin for some reason

Lin rolled her neck around in her metal uniform. Every muscle in her body was either stiff beyond recognition, or completely sore. She looked back down to the large stack of paperwork on her desk; she'd gone around every department collecting every piece of paperwork she could, even ones that easily could be done by low level deputies, in a desperate attempt to keep her busy day and night. 

She'd returned from the South Pole with Su, who'd offered to stay with her after their promise at the funeral. At first Lin was hesitant, as the only other person she'd shared her space with for a long amount of time had been Kya, but the time she'd spent with Su had been, refreshing, to put it that way. Lin would spend most of her time at the station as usual, and it was nice to not come home to an empty apartment. Su would cook when she could, and helped Lin out with some household chores and whatnot. She also said it was nice to see Opal more often on the island. Lin was never one for domesticity until Kya, but she had to admit, it was nice to be taken care of. It was nice to be cared about. 

But Su had her own family in Zaofu, and Lin eventually wanted her own space back. They parted on amicable terms, which was quite new for the two of them. Su had made Lin promise to call her if she ever needed anything and to make sure that she took care of herself. Lin had assured her that she wasn't a helpless child and was perfectly capable of taking care of herself, but was surprised when she realized she would actually miss Su's presence. 

Everything had been fine until three nights ago. Lin had startled out of her sleep by the sound of her name being called, and then saw a shadow move along her bedroom wall. Assuming it was an intruder, she attacked blindly, and long story short, there was now a gaping hole in her bedroom wall. She'd searched her entire apartment, only to find no evidence of forced entry or intrusion. Now wide awake, she had made her way back to the bedroom, with the uneasy feeling that she was being watched. She was so sure she'd gotten past this stage of grief, she was so sure she'd gotten past the voices and hallucinations, but now she wasn't so sure. 

Maybe she was still harboring some fear of being kidnapped in the safety of her own home by the Red Lotus. Home invasions of that degree usually resulted in lingering trauma, so why couldn't that apply to her? But she wasn't afraid of the Red Lotus, she never had been, so she couldn't explain the insecurity she was feeling. She was still in the process of accepting Kya's death, and she knew it wouldn't happen overnight, but as Lin understood it, Kya was not trying to contact her, because she'd never believed in that kind of stuff anyways. 

So she'd taken night shift after night shift, and continuing to work until the sun was high in the sky. She took occasional naps, but none of which lasted very long. Once again, she was spiraling into the empty abyss of her own mind, once again losing herself to the confines of her own sanity. It was a helpless feeling; of not being able to trust your own mind, not knowing what was real and what wasn't. 

Lin leaned back in her chair and pinched the bridge of her nose. Throwing herself into her work had always been a familiar coping mechanism, but that was only when she hadn't had anything else. In the past few years she'd had so much, a sister, a family, a girlfriend even. But now the oh-so-familiar loneliness was beginning to creep back in, engulfing Lin in endless storm of emotional and physical fatigue. 

**

_Lin sighed as she flipped through what seemed like the hundredth page of the report in front of her. Today had been a rather eventful day, she and her officers had busted over a dozen Agni Kai members attempting a cross into what was considered 'Monsoon' territory, and had probably just narrowly avoided an all out turf war. She'd allowed Mako and some of the newer deputies to take the lead on interrogation, which left Lin with a mountain of paperwork to complete._

_"Oh yeah, definitely, I-"_

_Lin stifled a groan when she heard a familiar voice on the other side of her office door. She had strict rules on Kya visiting her while she worked; which meant no visits at all. Lin liked to keep her work life and home life separate, it was just one of her things._

_She clicked the pen once and placed it down on the pile of paperwork, heaving herself up from her desk. She made her way over to the door, opening it only to see Kya chatting with a couple of her deputies. Spirits, this woman could make friends anywhere._

_"Kya, can I see you in my office?" It came out more of a demand than a question, and Lin tried her best to look threatening. Kya shot her a lopsided grin before turning back towards the deputies._

_"Look's like I'm in trouble." Kya quipped to the deputy, who suddenly seemed very interested with the papers on his desk. She bounded over and past Lin who still had her arms crossed over her chest. Kya practically skipped into the office and Lin closed the door behind her. Kya's eyes flitted to the door and grinned suggestively._

_"I like the looks of that, chief." She shot a suggestive wink in Lin's direction, who only narrowed her eyes at her girlfriend._

_"What did I say about visiting me at work?" Lin sighed in exasperation. Kya rolled her eyes humorously; she was no stranger to Lin's excessive workaholism, if anything she actually thought it was cute._

_"Relax Chief Crankypants, Mako called and told me you guys had a big bust today, and that you probably wouldn't be back until late." Lin raised an eyebrow, not really sure why Mako was calling her girlfriend about her work hours._

_"And I know how you get when you're working, so much so that you forget to feed yourself." Kya waved around the brown paper bag of to-go food she came in with. Lin uncrossed her arms and looked down at her girlfriend, who was still waving the bag around in front of her face._

_"You brought me dinner?" Lin asked in disbelief. Kya rolled her eyes and set the bag down on Lin's desk, making her way to stand in front of her girlfriend._

_"I think the words you're looking for are: Thank you Kya! I love and adore you." Kya quipped, placing her hands on Lin's shoulders. Instinctively, Lin wrapped her arms around Kya's waist, momentarily forgetting she was still at work. Kya just had a way of making her forget the world around her._

_"Thank you." Lin conceded. Kya smiled smugly and draped her arms around Lin's neck._

_"I don't just deliver for free, you know." Kya whispered, drawing Lin in closer to her face. Lin smirked and brought a finger up between them, pressing it to Kya's lips as a barrier._

_"Still working." Lin smirked. Kya groaned and kissed Lin's forefinger in a pout. "I do appreciate the food though." Taking all she could get, Kya smiled and intertwined her fingers with Lin's, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her hand._

_"Anytime honey."_

_Lin paused._

_"Chief Crankypants, huh?"_

_Kya laughed and squeezed Lin's hand lightly. "Oh yes, I'm eternally grateful to Korra for sharing that little gem with me." Lin rolled her eyes and Kya laughed again, leaning in to peck at her lips lightly._

_"I thought I told you-" Kya interrupted her with another, longer kiss. Kya pulled away with a grin, and Lin, still a little breathless, tried her best to glare down at her girlfriend._

_"Sorry chief, guess I just couldn't help myself." Kya smiled innocently, her eyes dancing humorously. Lin rolled her eyes and with a flick of her finger, the door to her office swung open, and she made a little shooing motion with her hand._

_Kya laughed again but conceded; she'd had her fun for tonight. Making her way to the door, she shot Lin another lopsided grin over her shoulder._

_"Alright chief, keep pounding the streets." She paused at the doorframe lowering her voice an octave. "Then come home and pound me."_

_"Classy." Lin snorted. Kya just shrugged and grinned again, blowing Lin an exaggerated kiss over her shoulder as she walked away. The deputies Kya had been entertaining before watched her walk away, silver ponytail swinging behind her as she walked, and Lin couldn't help but smirk. Maybe she'd hand off the paperwork to one of them and get home earlier after all._

_**_

Mako glanced from the report on his desk back to the closed office door of the chief. It was absolutely none of his business, but he was a little concerned. He was on the clock when the chief had stumbled in a few days ago, looking rattled and out of sorts. He'd asked he she was okay, but she had waved him off and stalked into her office, and had only come out to collect some paperwork, and then burrowed herself back in again. 

They'd developed somewhat of an odd little relationship over the years; he wouldn't go as far to say anything familial or platonic, but it was definitely one of mutual respect. After he'd helped expose Varrick's plot to get Republic City involved in the Water-tribe civil war all those years ago, she'd really taken him under her wing; she'd shown him the intricacies of the force, and helped him find his identity as a police officer. It wasn't like they were best friends or anything, but Chief Beifong had his complete respect. 

Since the day he'd met her, the chief had been cold and aloof, to put it lightly, but over the years he'd noticed small little changes to her demeanor, which he assumed had to do with a certain water-bender that visited the station occasionally. But watching his boss cradle the lifeless body of Tenzin's sister against her chest like a child had been more than a little heart-wrenching. Losing his own parents had been devastating, and he knew that there was absolutely nothing you could say in that situation to make it better. He wasn't sure where to even start anyways. 

He glanced at the clock on the wall; he had five minutes before the shift change, and he was more than certain that the chief would spend another night here instead of going home. He valued his job a little too much to face her himself, but maybe there was someone else that could help her. Reaching for the phone on his desk, he briskly dialed Air temple island. 

"Hello?" The soft voice of one of the air acolytes floated through the phone. 

"Hello, this is Mako." He paused and cleared his throat. "Is Tenzin available?" 

"I believe so, would you like me to fetch him for you?" 

"Please." Mako tapped his fingers on the desk while he waited. He was more than certain that the chief would undoubtedly be pissed at him calling Tenzin. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. 

"Hello?" Tenzin's voice rang through the receiver; Mako had no time to back out now. 

"Tenzin, it's Mako." He cleared his throat awkwardly; this idea was becoming more and more insane by the second. 

"Mako? Is everything alright?" 

"Actually, I wanted to talk to you about the Chief." Mako took a deep breath and waited. 

"What? Is Lin alright?" Tenzin asked, and Mako glanced at her office door again. He'd probably be dead twice over if she came out right now. 

"Listen, I know it's none of my business, and I know you and her are both going through a lot right now, but I'm worried about her." Mako began, as Tenzin listened intently on the other line. 

"What happened Mako?" Tenzin sighed. He'd heard snippets of Lin's anger-fueled breakdown at the South Pole, but Su had told him that she was doing better. What could of happened to ruin that?

"Three days ago she burst into the station in the middle of the night." Mako began. "I'm not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it rattled her pretty bad." He confessed. "She's only come out of her office once since then." He paused again. "I don't think she's been sleeping either." He waited patiently for Tenzin's response, but was met with only silence. 

"She's been there for three days?" Tenzin's voice was quiet, and Mako nodded uncertainly. 

"Yeah." He glanced up at the door again. "I was thinking maybe you could talk to her or something." He paused. "It's just really weird seeing her like this." He heard Tenzin sigh over the phone before he answered. 

"I'm on my way." He replied. "Thank you for letting me know, Mako." 

"No problem." Mako lightly placed the phone back on the hook, stealing another glance at the chief's office door. Hopefully he'd still have a job after Tenzin confronted her. 

\--

The pen that Lin was writing with suddenly exploded all over the papers in front of her, and dark ink spread in blotches over the now ruined Triad arrest report. With a groan of annoyance, she grabbed a wad of tissues to wipe the dark liquid from her hand. The sudden knock at her office door echoed through her temples, exacerbating her already throbbing migraine. 

"Uh, Chief?" Mako cautiously poked his head into her office. "There's someone here to see you." 

"I'm busy." She replied shortly, tossing the wad of inked tissues into the waste-bin under her desk. 

"It's Tenzin." She rolled her eyes; as if he truly thought that would change her attitude completely. 

"Then my previous statement still stands." Tenzin suddenly pushed past Mako and stepped into her office, closing the door behind him. He crossed his arms in front of his chest in an attempt to look more intimidating. Lin returned his gaze hotly. 

"Lin, we need to talk." He said matter-of-factly. Lin narrowed her eyes and leaned back in her chair. 

"Is something not clicking in that airhead brain of yours?" She growled. "I _said_ I'm busy." 

"Is it true you haven't left the station in three days?" Tenzin persisted. Lin continued to glare up at him. 

"Is there something you _need_ , Tenzin?" Lin spat; she was in no mood to have some kind of grief-bonding session with him. 

"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Lin." He sighed. "I know you're grieving, but this isn't healthy." The slits of Lin narrowed eyes were hot with a fiery intensity. She stood up from her chair, placing her palms flat on the top of the desk. Lin leaned forwards slowly, her lips curled down in a snarl. 

"You do _not_ get to tell me how to grieve, _Tenzin."_ She spat. "And as far as I'm concerned, your input in my life isn't, and never has been needed." She glowered down at him, but Tenzin didn't budge. As violently calm as she looked, he wasn't going to rest until she left the station for the night. 

"Lin, I care about you, and I don't want to see you unravel like this." He paused before continuing. "And neither would she." 

"Get out." Lin's voice was quiet and hard. Tenzin just shook his head and took a step closer to her. Time for Plan B. He didn't really think Lin would be open to talking about her problems anyways. 

"Lin, I didn't want it to come to this, but this is for your own good." Lin crossed her arms across her chest and narrowed her eyes at him, not sure what he had planned. 

"I spoke to Raiko before I came here." He began. "He agreed that your job is interfering with your emotional wellbeing, especially in your current state of grief." He paused before delivering the final ultimatum. "Lin, if you do not go home tonight, and take the next three days off to rest and recuperate, Raiko will sign you a forced six-month leave of absence before you can return to the force." He finished. 

Lin slammed her palms down on the desk so hard that papers flew in every direction. For a split second, Tenzin was sure she would kill him where he stood. 

"You _cannot_ keep me from my job!" She yelled. "I have a responsibility to Republic City, something you and our spineless excuse of a president obviously do not understand!" She spat. Tenzin shook his head and stood his ground.

"Lin, we're doing this for your own good." He repeated. "And I promise you, if you step foot into this station before that three-day period, you will not see it again for six months." He finished. The way Lin was glaring at him probably could of melted steel, and if he was completely honest, he was a little scared. He watched as she stalked around her desk, coming to a stop directly in front of him. 

"You are a spineless _traitor_ , Tenzin." She growled. "And I promise that I will _never_ forgive you for this." 

"I'm sorry, Lin, I truly am." He insisted. "But your mental wellbeing comes before the city and your job." 

Lin paused. It sounded like something Kya would say. She glared at him one last time before brushing past him, jostling his shoulder hard as she made her way out the door. 

Mako sank back into his chair as the chief stalked out of her office, slamming the door behind her so violently that he was sure every department felt it. She didn't even look at him as she passed his desk. Tenzin came out next, and stopped in front of his desk. 

"Uh, is she okay?" Mako asked tentatively; he'd heard some yelling through her office walls, and it was obvious she wasn't exactly peachy. 

"She'll get over it." Tenzin sighed. Mako looked like he wanted to prod, but decided against it. For now, he still had a job, and that was good enough for him. Tenzin nodded at him respectfully before making his way out of the station. 

\--

Lin stood in front of her bed thoughtfully. Her glance flitted to the hole in her bedroom wall. At least she'd have time to fix it now. She couldn't believe Tenzin. A forced leave of absence? That was as bad as being fired. Why couldn't he just understand that she was committed to her job? She'd had late hours many times throughout her career, it wasn't anything new. 

But the only thing that _was_ new was that she was running. She was running from the hallucinations and the voices present in the security of her own home. The gaping hole in her bedroom wall was just a reminder of that. 

She sat down tentatively on the edge of the bed. She'd never admit it, but truthfully she was exhausted. Every muscle was tired, every nerve was desperate for a reprieve. But her mind was spinning. Every time she slept, the dreams came. The hallucinations came. She wasn't sure what was real and what wasn't. 

Laying down on the bed, she pulled the sheets around her body tightly. They were cold. She stared at the ceiling numbly, watching the lights from Satomobiles outside dance across the surface in little flickers. Letting the exhaustion overtake her body, Lin let herself drift off, even when the first thing she saw when she closed her eyes was Kya. 

_-_

_Lin opened her eyes to unfamiliar surroundings. Tall trees spiraled around her, engulfing her in an endless sea of green and brown. She turned around in a full circle, trying to find the exit. The forest was dark, except for a bright light shining directly in front of her. Lin squinted and shielded her eyes, trying to make out the scene in front of her. There, bathed in the bright white light, stood a figure at the entrance of the forest. Her back was turned towards Lin, but she was easily recognizable. Silver hair cascading in waves down a blue dress caused Lin's breath to catch in her throat._

_"Kya!" Lin broke out into a full sprint, calling out for her. Kya must of not heard her, as she didn't turn around even as Lin screamed her name over and over again. Lin continued to run, but it seemed that Kya got farther and farther away at each step._

_Lin's feet pounded against the ground, as she ran, earning little cracks of branches underneath her feet. She was close now, closer than she had ever been before. Lin could almost reach out to touch her. She plowed through tree branches and bushes, desperate to reach the blur of blue that seemed oh-so close. Kya was almost in arms reach now. Lin reached out to touch her, but as he hand made contact with her shoulder, Lin watched helplessly as the image faded away, disintegrating into a pile of white snow._

_-_

Lin awoke in a cold sweat. She tried to focus her vision in an attempt to slow her breathing, but her sight was blurred at best. She sat up a little too quickly, which only caused her head to spin even more. Her gaze suddenly flitted to something at the foot of her bed. A shadow? No, it was literally glowing. Lin rubbed her eyes frantically to clear her vision, as the silhouette at the foot of her bed came into view. 

The figure was bathed in bright golden light; a stark contrast from the dark bedroom. The moon's silver rays spilling through the window shades contrasted beautifully against the golden outline of the woman in front of her. Long hair cascaded down her shoulders and back, seemingly billowing behind her in a nonexistent breeze. The corners of her lips were upturned in a angelic smile that was oh-so familiar. 

Lin blinked and rubbed her eyes, sure that the hallucination would fade the like rest of them did. When she opened her eyes again, the figure was still standing at the foot of her bed, smiling down at her softly. Lin's breath caught in her throat when she realized what she was seeing was very much real. 

"Kya?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not the cliche cliffhanger..  
> also pretend like this isn't the shortest thing ever LMAO   
> and now we reach the new plotline... i know this was short and bad yikes but i promise the next few chapters are gonna be crazy!!! comment if you'd like :)


	12. the in-between

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "dead does not mean gone." - flora wingrave 
> 
> tw: death and blood (flashback)

_One month ago_

"Come on, stay with me." The desperation in Lin's voice was evident as she gently brushed a silver strand of hair away from Kya's face. Kya smiled up at her sadly, taking in the sweet little features of Lin's face that were tense with anguish. She reached up to gently trace her fingers across the light pink scars running along the side of Lin's face. 

"Always." Kya whispered softly. She exhaled a shaky breath; but not from fear, but of loss. Kya's spiritual lifestyle had never instilled her with an inherent fear of death, but neither one of them knew what awaited on the other side. This could very well be the last time she saw Lin. 

The free-fall was like nothing she had ever experienced before. It was a steady, comfortable feeling, as she slid into the emptiness. Her vision began to blur as she tried to take in the last little bits of Lin that she could. She didn't want to leave. She didn't want to leave Lin. She didn't want to die. 

The _I love you_ caught in the back of her throat as her hand fell from it's position on Lin's cheek; the overwhelming numbness beginning to paralyze her limbs. She could no longer feel the blood sliding out of the wound in her stomach. She could no longer feel Lin's hand on the back her her neck trying to hold her head up. Kya unwillingly felt her eyes close as she sunk into the bottomless abyss, stuck in what she assumed would be an endless free-fall; wondering if she would ever touch the ground again. 

-

When Kya opened her eyes again, she was no longer falling, she was no longer bleeding out in Lin's arms; she was standing in what she could only describe as light. It couldn't be called a room, as there was no ceilings or walls, but the 'ground' she was standing on felt solid, in a manner of speaking. The light surrounding her was bright, but not bright enough to sting your eyes. It was a steady, almost dull light, like if you were to be inside a lightbulb. She felt weightless, like the way you felt just before you drifted off to sleep; the in-between of consciousness, if you will. 

Something in the distance caught her eye. A flash of orange and yellow, bathed in the same golden light as the rest of her surroundings were. She squinted as it made it's way towards her, not sure who it could be. The figure had seemed to be miles away only seconds ago, but now it was only a couple feet from her. Kya blinked twice, trying to adjust her senses as orange and yellow robes came into view. 

"Dad?" 

Aang smiled down at his daughter sweetly. 

"Hello, my daughter." He reached out to put a gentle hand on her cheek, which much to Kya's surprise, she could actually feel. "It is so good to finally see you again." 

Kya was sure she must of looked as dumbstruck as she felt. Then everything came rushing back. 

"Spirits, I'm dead aren't I?" She murmured quietly. Aang smiled down at her and shook his head lightly. 

"In a manner of speaking." He said with a smile. Kya looked at him in confusion. 

"What?" 

Aang smiled and shook his head again. "Death is not the end, my dear." He explained. "Your physical form may be dead, but your soul can never die, _spirits_ can never die."

"I don't understand." Aang reached out and tucked a flyaway strand behind her ear. Kya sucked in a deep breath. She'd forgotten what her father's touch had felt like. 

"You have a strong connection to the spirits, Kya." He continued. "You may not be the avatar or an airbender, but your spirituality is too strong to be ignored, especially by the spirits themselves." 

Kya was still confused. Sure, she liked to meditate and cleanse her aura occasionally, but how did that connect her to the spirits? She remembered her trip to the spirit world all those years ago trying to find Jinora, specifically being trapped in the Fog of Lost Souls. What she'd experienced in the Fog was, paralyzing, to say the least. For most of her early life, she'd had a set identity: the only water-bending daughter of Master Katara and the legendary Avatar Aang. It was a lonely existence, not being the airbender her father desperately needed, and living in the shadow of one of the greatest water-benders to ever live. And so she ran; she _was_ part airbender after all. She traveled and explored, desperate to find an identity other than the one already set for her. Her fear of being tied down stemmed from the idea that even as the daughter of two of the most important people in the world, she was still a nobody when she was around them; just another waterbender nobody wanted. Being around her family, specifically her brothers was just a reminder of what she was and what she would never be; she would never be an airbender, and she would never have children to carry on that legacy. She couldn't be anything her father wanted. 

"Kya?" Aang's voice shocked her out of her reverie. 

"I-I still don't understand." Her voice was hoarser than she intended it to be. "How does my spirituality relate to my life?" _Or lack thereof,_ she thought to herself.

"Oh sweetie, it's because you've established a spiritual string with someone else." He smiled again. "The spirits don't take that lightly, you know." 

"What do you mean?" Aang smiled and shook his head, as if he knew something she didn't. 

"Spiritual strings are a rarity, my dear." Aang explained. "They are an extension of the idea of a soulmate, but so much more than that." 

"You mean Lin?" Aang smiled and nodded. 

"Yes, your souls have been intertwined for your entire lives, even when you were seeing different people." 

Kya scrunched up her nose in confusion. "But- I thought you liked Lin and Tenzin together?" Aang shook his head and chuckled. 

"I just wanted to see them happy, but it was obvious that they were not meant for each other." 

"What do you mean?" Kya asked, still not sure what her current spiritual predicament had to do with Lin. 

"You can be in love with someone and not have that spiritual string, Kya." He explained. "You and Lin have, and have always had something special." He paused and smiled. "Something that has pulled you together from opposite ends of the world, and something that will continue to connect you, even as you exist on different realms." 

"Will I ever see her again?" Kya's voice cracked and she cleared her throat. Aang smiled and nodded. 

"Much sooner than you think." Kya's eyes widened in anticipation. 

"How?"

"The spirits are merciful, my girl." Aang began with a smile. "This is not the end of your life, Kya, in fact it is quite the opposite." He gently cupped her face in his hands. "The spirits have blessed you with a rare second chance, and you will be with her again soon." 

"Wait, I don't understand." Kya cried. "How will I see her again?" 

"An old friend will guide you, my dear." Aang smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Kya's forehead. "But we will meet again, my sweet daughter." 

"Wait." Kya pulled away to look at him. "Why can't I stay here with you?" She was slightly ashamed to hear her own voice crack as her father looked down upon her sadly. "Why are you leaving me again?" 

"I never left you, Kya." He assured her softly. "I have been watching over you all since the day I died, and I have accepted that it was my time." He paused and smiled again. "But it is not _your_ time, sweetheart, but when it is, I will be waiting with open arms." He wrapped her in a tight hug, and Kya wrapped her arms around his frame, never wanting to let go. They'd had a difficult relationship, but she still loved him. And it felt like she was losing him all over again. 

"I love you, Dad." A dry sob escaped her throat and she clenched him tighter. He stroked her head soothingly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of her head. 

"I love you too, Kya." He whispered. "So much." And just like that, he faded away, and Kya felt herself falling again. She closed her eyes tightly, waiting for whatever would claim her next, her father's words still ringing through her mind. 

_This is not the end of your life._

-

Kya sucked in a sharp gasp as she materialized once again. The ground felt hard beneath her feet. Her surroundings were much different than her previous one, and also quite familiar. The world surrounding her was intensely alive; every color seemed to shift and change every time she looked at it. Little objects floated above and around her as she took in her surroundings, suddenly remembering the last time she'd been here. 

The spirit world. 

It was more beautiful than she'd remembered. The sky was alive with color, and spirits danced across every surface. Tall trees and a forest spread out to her left, while a colorful, wide-open plain expansed to her right. Everywhere she turned was something more beautiful than the last, and everything seemed just so incredibly peaceful. It was so much different than she remembered. Perhaps because she was no longer just a visitor, but an inhabitant. 

A hand on her shoulder startled her, and Kya spun around to meet warm auburn eyes surrounded by a pale white beard. 

"Iroh?" He chuckled fondly and smiled. 

"I'm sorry for frightening you, dear." He apologized and Kya shook her head. This day was turning out to be more nostalgic than she thought. It occurred to her that maybe time passed differently here, and maybe it had been much more than a day. She shook away the thought. 

"Iroh, I-" Kya paused, trying to find the words. There was so much she wanted to say, so many questions to ask. She wasn't even sure where to start. Sensing her inner turmoil, Iroh put a comforting hand on her shoulder and smiled at her fondly. 

"It's good to see you again, Kya." He began. "I'm sure you have many questions." Kya nodded vehemently, and he gave her a moment to gather her thoughts. 

"I'm so confused, Iroh." Kya confessed. "I don't understand why I'm here." Iroh nodded in understanding. 

"You are here because the spirits have taken mercy on you." He said matter-of-factly. "You are here because they do not much like severing spiritual strings." 

"But why do the spirits care about Lin and I so much?" Kya insisted. "What makes us so special?" Iroh smiled and patted his spirit guide on the head. Kya hadn't even noticed the fox was there. 

"Spiritual strings are a true rarity, my dear." He explained. "Most of the time they are random, but sometimes, they can be passed down through generations." He smiled. "Your mother and father are an example of this."

Kya paused. She of course, knew her parents had a great love, but what did that have to do with her and Lin? 

"The spirits were forced to sever that string." Iroh continued as Kya listened intently. "The world needed a new avatar, so they were forced to sacrifice that string for the fate of the world."He paused. "And they will not do the same for you again." 

"Ok, so you're telling me, that a bunch of random spirits are basically _invested_ in me and Lin's relationship because my dad died?!" Kya exclaimed; she literally could not wrap her head around this. Iroh chuckled and nodded. 

"To put it lightly, yes." He smiled before continuing. "Spirit world trancensions do not happen everyday, Kya." He paused. "And yours happened for a reason; _this_ is your second chance, Kya." 

Kya fell silent. It never occurred to her that there was some other force pulling her and Lin together. It did seem that while they spent their entire lives apart, they somehow seemed to be pulled together again and again. But it didn't really feel like that now. She'd literally _died._ Kya had died in Lin's arms and somehow she had transcended into the spirit world without even wanting too. 

"My dad said that I would see her again soon." Kya said quietly. "When will that be?" Iroh smiled. 

"It can be right now, if you wish." He chuckled. Kya's eyes widened and she sprang to attention. 

"I can see her now?!" She cried. "Why didn't you say anything?" Iroh chuckled and extended his hand, which Kya took tentatively.

"I only waited to bring it up because right now, you will only be able to see her." He explained. "Communication between the worlds is a great spiritual power, one of which you have to master yourself." Kya nodded in agreement; right now she would take all she could get. Iroh knelt down and whispered something to his spirit fox, who whimpered in what seemed like agreement in response. Suddenly, the weightless feeling Kya had experienced when she'd transcended returned, and she felt herself float away. 

When they materialized again, Kya's breath caught in her throat. The vision in front of her was clearer than she expected, and it felt like she was really in the room. Technically she was, but she wasn't _really_ there, the way she saw it. She wondered how many times her father had been in a similar situation, watching over her and her family. 

Lin was crouched over with her back turned to the pair, looking at something on the ground. Kya looked around and recognized her surroundings instantly. The dark wooden floor, the broken window towards the front; it was Raiko's room on the island. 

The room she had died in. 

Kya couldn't take her gaze off of Lin. She wanted to reach out, to touch her, to feel her, to be with her again. She wanted Lin. 

"Lin." The crack in her voice was more noticeable than she thought, and Iroh reached out to put a comforting hand on her arm. 

"She can't hear you, my dear." He whispered quietly. "Not yet." 

Kya shook her head. Whether it was defiance or denial, she didn't know or care. She needed to feel close to Lin again. To reach out and touch the little scars on her face and tell her that she was so much closer than she thought. They couldn't of been more than a few feet away, but it felt like oceans divided them. 

"Lin." Kya persisted, a new urgency in her voice. "Please, Lin." Iroh just watched her sadly, but continued to let her persist in her efforts. Lin did not turn around, but continued to stare at the dark spot on the floor, which Kya immediately recognized as the place she'd taken her last breath. 

Kya closed her eyes and focused her breathing. She wasn't completely sure what she was doing, but she let her energy lead her. She let _Lin's_ energy lead her. She focused her mind on the most intense memories she had. When Lin had stumbled into her room on the island and stubbornly confessed her love for Kya. When Kya had been severely injured at the hands of the Red Lotus benders, and Lin had sat by her until she woke up. Or the night of Varrick and Zhu Li's wedding, how she had been keenly aware of Lin watching her instead of the fireworks overhead. So many memories flooded her conscious, and she let each of them penetrate her own energy. 

"Lin!" The exhale of Lin's name seemed to echo through Kya's ears and the rest of the room. Suddenly, without warning, Lin spun around on her heels, frantically looking around the expanse of the room. Kya exhaled again in pure relief. She'd actually heard her. 

Iroh turned around to look at her in disbelief. Kya was grinning ear to ear. 

"She heard me." Kya murmured. "She actually heard me." Iroh continued to shake his head in disbelief. 

"I suppose your spiritual connection is stronger than I anticipated." He stroked his beard thoughtfully. The pair watched as Lin stood up abruptly, brushing herself off and walking right through them and out the door. Kya reached out, but was disappointed when her fingers went right through her. 

Kya watched Lin walk out the door as a sense of loss began to bubble in her stomach. She turned back to Iroh, who was still stroking his beard thoughtfully. 

"Will you teach me how to contact her?" Kya asked. Iroh shook his head and laughed; a throaty, hearty sound. 

"I am your given spiritual guide, Kya." He began. "But contact between the realms is about your own spiritual power, my dear." He chuckled again. "And I'm still surprised how quickly you were able to figure it out." 

"Is this the only way I can contact her?" 

"For now, yes." He admitted. "Dream insertion as also apart of it, but once your spiritual energy is powerful enough, you will be able to appear to her." He smiled again. "But she can always visit you in the spirit world." 

"So, am I stuck here," She paused. "In the spirit world, _forever?"_ She was honestly a little afraid of the answer. She was never totally sure what life after death would be like, but this was certainly not what she'd expected. Iroh smiled and shook his head. 

"No." He answered simply. "You will understand in time, but the spirits have more planned for you, my dear." Kya looked like she wanted to interject, but Iroh shook his head wisely. "I cannot tell you about your future, Kya." He murmured. "But the spirit world will not become your permanent home." He extended his hand out to her, and she took it gingerly. As they faded back into what she assumed was to be the spirit world, she heard his voice echo through her ears again. 

"You will be with her again soon." 

\--

_Present Day_

Lin rubbed her eyes hard again. She _had_ to be hallucinating. She sat there on top of her bed for what seemed like hours, taking in the scene in front of her. When it didn't fade like the rest of the hallucinations always did, her rationale that she was not, in fact, losing her mind hit her once again. 

"Kya?" Her voice came out hoarser than she expected, and the golden figure smiled down at her. 

"Hi, Lin." The familiarity of Kya's voice made Lin's heart drop to her feet. She'd nearly forgotten the sweet, soft melody of her voice, the one that never failed to make her go weak in the knees when Kya would lean in and whisper something usually borderline obscene into her ear. 

Lin felt, and probably looked, absolutely dumbstruck. She hardly even felt herself move as she gingerly slid off the bed and moved to stand in front of Kya. She wasn't really sure if she could still consider the figure in front of her as _Kya,_ as the woman in front of her was bathed in white light, surrounded by an ethereal glow that made Lin's heart pound. If anything, Kya was even more stunning right now than ever, but perhaps that was just the grief talking. 

"I- wha-You-," Lin stuttered in an attempt to find the right words, but nothing seemed to fill her head as she stared at the vision of Kya in front of her. Kya smiled and floated a little closer to her, and Lin released a shaky exhale. 

"I'm so happy you can see me, Lin." Kya whispered with a smile. "You have no idea how long I've waited to talk to you again." The rational part of Lin's brain was trying to convince her that this was all just a dream, and if she pinched herself hard enough, Kya would be gone. But the more she stared at the golden light of her supposedly dead girlfriend, her rationale grew weaker and weaker by the second. 

"I-I don't understand." Lin stuttered. "You're-you're dead." Kya smiled again and shook her head, as if she knew something Lin didn't. 

"You can't get rid of me _that_ easily, chief." She chuckled. Lin just continued to stare dumbly at the woman in front of her. She felt herself reach out, desperate to feel Kya's warmth again, but was supremely disappointed when her hand flitted right through Kya's golden form. 

"I-I can't touch you." Lin whispered shakily. It was more of a realization than a question. Kya shook her head and with a smile, moved closer to Lin. 

"No." Kya smiled sadly. "Not here." 

"I don't understand." Lin whispered. "How are you here?" Kya smiled and reached out to touch her face. Lin didn't even feel it. 

"I'm in the spirit world, Lin." Kya explained softly. "I don't really know how it happened, but I've been there ever since I.." She trailed off and Lin didn't need her to finish the sentence. 

The spirit world. It occurred to Lin that all of the hallucinations and weird experiences she'd had in the past month hadn't been a stage of grief, but instead was Kya trying to reach out. The thought made her head spin. 

"The spirit world." Lin repeated quietly. "Does that still mean you're...?" She trailed off, as if the reminder of Kya's death would cause the vision in front of her to disappear into nothing. 

"I'm not sure how it really works yet." Kya admitted. "But my spirit is very much alive, the way I see it." The smile faded from her face. "There's so much I want to tell you Lin, but I can't stay for long." Lin watched helplessly as the bright golden light began to slowly dim. 

"Wait, don't leave." Lin reached out again, only to flit right through Kya's form once again. Kya smiled sadly and brought their faces closer together. 

"I would _never_ leave you, Lin." She whispered softly. "Come visit me soon, ok?" Kya leaned in to press their lips together in a kiss neither one of them could feel. Lin closed her eyes and let herself pretend that she could. When she opened her eyes again, she watched Kya fade away, until the golden glimmer of her form was replaced by the darkness of her empty bedroom. 

Lin exhaled, even as her breath was still coming in short little gasps. Her mind was still spinning from what just happened. Kya was _here_. Even more so, they had literally spoken to one-another. Lin wasn't really sure what to think. She'd always been a believer of the here-and-now, no spiritual mumbo jumbo, and certainly no spooky afterlife. 

Kya had _died._ Moreover, Lin had felt Kya's heart stop, she'd watched her take her last breath. She truly believed that was the end. But now, she was faced with something she couldn't explain, the sliver of hope that Kya wasn't really gone, that maybe, she would be with her again. The thought made her stomach leap. 

She needed to tell people. If Kya was really in the spirit world, then they could all go and find out for themselves, as they happened to have an actual portal in the midst of the city. It all worked out a little too perfectly. 

Lin didn't bother pulling on her uniform as she sprinted out of the bedroom and out her apartment door clad only in a black tank-top and a thin pair of RCPD sweatpants. Her mind was still swimming with questions in which she had no answers for. She still couldn't really comprehend what had just happened to her. 

But there was one thing she knew for sure: she was no longer hallucinating and she was no longer crazy; she just needed to convince everyone else. 

\--

"Tenzin!" Lin banged on his bedroom door loudly. "Open up!" She heard shuffling on the other side of the door, before it opened briskly to reveal a tired looking Tenzin and a confused looking Pema. 

"Lin? What are-"

"Kya's in the spirit world." She interrupted urgently. Lin was slightly annoyed at his lack of reaction, as he just lowered his gaze to the floor. 

"Didn't you hear me?" She insisted. "Kya's _in_ the spirit world!" Tenzin didn't even look at her as he shook his head solemnly. 

"Lin I-" 

"No, you don't understand." She interrupted him again. "I _saw_ her, Tenzin. I talked to her!" He still wasn't looking at her. "I woke up in the middle of the night and she was there!" She continued to explain, not realizing Bumi and Tenzin's children peeking out from their own rooms; presumably awaked by her outburst. "She told me that's she's in the spirit world, Tenzin! We have to go get her, she-"

"Lin, _stop."_ He finally made eye contact with her, and his light eyes reflected nothing but pain. Lin shook her head in insistence. 

"No, you don't understand, I _saw_ -" 

"No, Lin." He shook his head firmly. "You didn't." 

"You have to believe me, Tenzin, I-" 

"Lin, I know you're grieving," He started. "We _all_ are." He waved his hand around the room. "But do you even hear yourself?" He demanded quietly. "What you're saying is impossible." 

"I don't care how it sounds." Lin snapped. "I know what I saw." Tenzin continued to shake his head as he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

"Su told me about your hallucinations, Lin." He murmured apologetically. "I understand that it's apart of the grieving process, but-"

"This wasn't a _fucking_ hallucination, Tenzin!" Lin rubbed her temples in irritation. "She was there!" Why couldn't he just believe her? She knew what she saw was real. It had to be. 

"Lin, you're grieving, and you haven't slept in days." Tenzin insisted. "It's understandable that your mind is betraying you-"

"Oh, would you cut the bullshit already?!" She snapped. "I know what I saw!"

"Well, forgive me if I'm not eager to believe your _crazy_ hallucinations!" Tenzin took a deep breath and took a moment to compose himself. He should be sensitive to Lin's current state, even if what she was saying was completely insane. 

"Listen, Lin." He began slowly. "I know you miss her, we all do, for spirits sake." He did his best to soften his demeanor against an extremely disgruntled looking Lin Beifong. "But Kya is _dead,_ and the sooner we all accept that, the sooner we can heal and move on." 

Lin narrowed her eyes at him. She couldn't believe he had the nerve to not only think she was crazy, but insist that she up and move on in the same breath. 

"Well maybe, if you're so eager and ready to move on, then you didn't love her like the rest of us did." She snapped. It was a low blow and she knew it. Lin watched as Tenzin's gaze fell to his feet again, but not before she saw something reflect through his pale eyes. It looked an awful lot like guilt. 

She spun on her heel and stalked out of the dormitory without a second glance. She wasn't sure why she felt so immeasurably angry. Why would he not even attempt to believe her? Why was he so willing to move on and forget what had happened? Even if there was just a _chance_ that Kya wasn't really gone, why wouldn't he take it? Kya deserved that chance. 

Lin knew what she saw. She had literally spoken to Kya. Well, Kya's spirit. None of that could have been a hallucination, could it? But the more she thought about it, she supposed she didn't really know. The dream she had about Kya and the forest had felt similarly real, not to mention the plethora of nightmares she'd had about Kya dying in her arms. She wasn't really sure what to believe anymore. 

"Chief Beifong!" A feminine voice shocked Lin out of her state. She turned around to see Jinora running after her, frantically waving her down. 

"Listen kid," Lin muttered as she got closer. "I don't care what your dad-" 

"I believe you." Lin stopped mid-sentence at the young airbender's sudden admittance. 

"What?" 

"I thought at first I was just grieving," Jinora began, still a little breathless from chasing after the chief. "I thought that it would fade if I gave it time, but it makes too much sense to label it as grief." 

"What do you mean?" Lin countered slowly, and Jinora looked up to make eye contact with her. Her dark brown eyes were fiercely determined. 

"I'm still able to feel her spiritual energy." Jinora explained. "And it's been stronger than ever in the past few days." She paused. 

"I think she's still here." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kyalin = soulmate excellency   
>  imagine kya looks like yue's spirit from atla :'((  
> also the way i actually KEPT inspo writing this chapter.. this is probably the fastest ive ever written anything LOL  
> anyways i hope you all liked this chapter, cause i smell a reunion in the near future...


	13. relentless love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happy kyalin week yall! i actually really liked the prompts this year and i kinda wanted to participate but i wanted to focus on this fic first so maybe ill take a whack at it after this fic finishes :)

The sun had just started to rise as Lin made her way back to her apartment, the pinkish orange sunrise spilling over the tall buildings like water. She hadn't really had a choice to return, as Lin hadn't wanted to run around the city in nothing but her sleep-clothes for much longer. The sea of her own thoughts continued to swirl in a dizzying whirlpool as she truthfully began to process last night's events.

_I think she's still here._

Truthfully, Lin was supremely thankful for Jinora's sudden proclamation, as after her little squabble with Tenzin, doubt began to creep back into her mind. Doubt that she hadn't truly seen Kya, that it was just another byproduct of her lack of sleep and grief. While Lin may have not been a spiritual believer, Jinora was the best of the best; she'd heard stories of Jinora's spiritual abilities, even when she supposedly brought Raava back into Korra during her fight with Vaatu. Of course, she'd scoffed and rolled her eyes when Kya had told her about it, but she knew now if there was anyone to confirm her spiritual encounter, it would be Jinora. 

If anything, Lin wanted to march right up to the spirit portal in the center of the city and go search for Kya herself, but the rational part of her brain stopped her. She had no idea what awaited on the other side, as she'd never been into the spirit world, and wasn't really keen on marching into unfamiliar territory. She didn't even know if she would have her bending. Her only other option was to find a guide, and who better than the avatar herself? The Sato mansion wasn't too far from Lin's own apartment; she could probably walk if she needed to. 

The lock on her apartment door slid open under the wave of her hand, and she marched in determinately, not bothering to shut the door behind her. She wouldn't be there for that long anyways. She walked into the bedroom and spotted her armor laying up next to the bed. She moved over to bend it to her body, as her eyes flitted to the foot of the bed. It seemed like weeks ago that she'd spoken to Kya, even though it had only been mere hours ago. 

The way Lin was feeling right now was honestly, unlike anything she'd experienced before. The fierce determination she felt boiling through her veins was something that had existed in her personality since she was a girl, but this was just a new facet of it. For more than the first time in her life, nothing else mattered besides Kya. There was nothing that she could say or do that would take her mind off the fact that Kya was not in fact gone, that she was a mere portal-ways away. That for the first time in weeks, Lin had been able to hear her voice again; had been able to _see_ her again. It was a liberating, yet claustrophobic feeling, as she suspected the tightness in her chest would only be released once she found Kya again. 

Lin quickly marched out her apartment door, shutting it tightly behind her. She tried her best to slow her breathing and calm her mind, but there wasn't much to do. After weeks of pain and suffering that seemed it would last forever, she was closer than ever. She was closer to Kya than ever. 

\--

Lin rapped impatiently multiple times on the tall double doors of the Sato mansion. It was admittedly the largest house she'd ever seen. Long glass windows decorated the front and sides, glistening brightly in the morning light. Lin allowed herself to gawk at the large structure for a couple seconds as she waited. Only Korra and Asami lived here? There had to be over twenty rooms. Lin couldn't imagine living in a home as large as this one, it would seem so unbearably empty to her. It helped that she wasn't the biggest fan of home decor either. 

One of the double doors opened slowly, revealing a short, stout man with wire-rimmed glasses and a dark mustache. 

"Can I help you, maam?" His gaze flitted to her metal uniform and badge and he swallowed uncomfortably and corrected himself. "I mean, Chief Beifong?" Lin honestly couldn't blame who she assumed to be the butler's sudden nervousness, as the last time she'd been here, the force had raided Hiroshi Sato's workshop, only to find out he was manufacturing weapons for the Equalists. It couldn't of been a pleasant memory. 

"I need to speak to Avatar Korra." Lin said impatiently. The butler nodded, but shot her an apologetic smile. 

"Miss Sato and Avatar Korra are still asleep." He said apologetically. "And I was given strict orders not to disturb Miss Sato on her day off." Lin pinched the bridge of her nose in irritation. She didn't need this right now. 

"It's urgent." She replied flatly. The butler just shrugged and shook his head. 

"I could take a message?" He offered amicably. 

"Listen, _buddy,_ I already told you I need to speak to her _now."_ Lin snapped, as her notoriously short fuse had long since run out. "So either you let me in, or I'll let you spend the rest of the day in a cell." She growled. There truthfully wasn't really any crime she could actually imprison him for, but she didn't really care. She was never a fan of using her job and title to give her an edge, but this was too important. 

"Lin?" A light voice behind the butler caused him to turn around gratefully. Asami came up behind him, wrapping a light purple robe around an equally pink nightdress. Korra stumbled after her in a white tankop and blue pants, rubbing her eyes sleepily. 

"Miss Sato, I apologize, I was only trying to explain that you and Miss Korra were still resting." The butler apologized profusely, but Asami waved him off with a delicate smile. 

"It's alright, Genji." She smiled tiredly. "Please come in, Lin." The butler extended the door for her then scurried away to busy himself off with something else in the mansion. Korra, just now seeming to register Lin's presence in her mostly asleep state eyed her warily. 

"Is everything okay?" Korra asked, still not sure why Lin had bothered to come all the way here. Whatever it was, it had to be important. 

"Kya's in the spirit world. " Lin confessed quietly. Korra's eyes widened as she exchanged a glance with Asami, who looked equally shocked. 

"What?" 

"She appeared to me last night." Lin sighed. "And no, it wasn't a dream, and Jinora confirmed that there's some other spirity stuff going on." Lin paused, as if to let her words sink in to the couple. "I need to go into the spirit world and confirm it." She looked back up at Korra, who was looking at her expectantly. "But I've never been there before and I don't know what to expect." Lin sighed. "Will you go with me?" 

Korra fell silent. What if what Lin was saying was true? Could Kya really be in the spirit world? She didn't know much about spirit world transcensions besides Iroh's, but if he had done it, there was no reason it would be impossible for Kya to do the same, right?

"Lin, are you sure that-" 

"Listen Korra." Lin interrupted her quickly. "If there's even a chance, I have to take it, and I really don't need anyone else questioning my mental stability, okay?" Lin sighed. Korra lowered her gaze and nodded. 

"Alright." Korra murmured in fierce agreement. "I'll change and we'll go." 

\--

The trek to the spirit portal didn't take long at all, although the actual terrain was a little difficult to get around on. Lin and Korra walked side by side; Asami had been called into Future Industries, something about a technology problem, which left just the two of them. The walk to the portal had been silent for the most part, but Korra continued to steal glances at the chief throughout the trek. 

The month since Kya's death had been difficult for Korra, to say the least, but she was certain what she was feeling, Lin was feeling a hundred times over. Korra had lost a confidant and a mother-figure, but Lin had lost a lover, and a friend all in one. To put it lightly, Lin had lost everything. Korra had tried her best to be there for Lin through this time, but if she was being honest, she was too wrapped up in her own grief to help Lin. But at the end of the day, Korra had Asami, who would be there when the floodgates shook loose once again. Lin had no one. 

And the worst part about it was that Korra had more than a little lingering guilt over Kya's death. The Red Lotus had always been her battle and her's alone, they were the ones that poisoned her and traumatized her; they were supposed to be just her fight. And Kya had lost her life inserting herself into that fight, and it made Korra's heart clench every time. 

There was so much she wanted to say to Lin, but nothing seemed right. Korra supposed that simple words didn't really matter after you've lost everything. There was simply nothing she could say to make it better, but if Lin truly believed Kya was in the spirit world, there was nothing Korra could do besides be there for her. Lin deserved as much. 

Korra reached out to pull back a gaggle of vines, revealing the glowing yellow light of the spirit portal. Lin paused briefly to take in the sight in front of her. The tall, cylindric portal was larger than she expected, it's bright golden edges reaching and disappearing in the clouds above. As she looked into the sky, a flash of red caught her eye. Two little spurts of red flew above them, and as they got closer, Lin recognized the red airbender flight suits. 

Bumi and Jinora landed besides them, re-latching their 'wings' back into their suits. Korra quirked an eyebrow in confusion, not sure how they could of known they'd be here. 

"You guys were really gonna go without us, huh?" Bumi chortled, and Lin raised an eyebrow in bewilderment. 

"I told him about Aunt Kya's spiritual energy." Jinora filled her in, and Lin just rolled her eyes in impatience, beckoning them to follow her and Korra. 

"You think just because you're sleeping with her, you get first dibs, huh?" Bumi grumbled, his eyes twinkling humorously. Korra stifled a smile as Lin continued walking in front of them. She paused directly in front of the portal, as if she was afraid to take the first step. 

"Are you okay?" Korra asked, putting a comforting hand on Lin's shoulder. Lin shook away the touch. 

"Are we just supposed to walk through?" Lin mumbled quietly. Korra nodded her head in response and Lin looked back towards the portal. She wasn't sure why she suddenly felt so nervous. She swallowed anxiously, and turned around to look at the group, who were looking at her expectantly. Lin quickly steeled herself and beckoned with a yank of her chin. 

"Let's go." As she stepped into the golden light of the spirit portal, she wasn't sure what she expected to feel, but it certainly wasn't this. The feeling of complete and utter weightlessness was unlike anything she'd ever experienced before, as she seemed to float through time itself. The actual materialization into the spirit world couldn't of taken more than have a second, but it took much longer than that for Lin to finally feel like she was touching solid earth again. 

Opening her eyes, she was confronted with what could only be described as a truly incredible sight. Everything was so bright and colorful, so much different from the dullness of Republic City she'd become so accustomed to. Every color seemed to flit and change once she identified it, and what she assumed were spirits danced around in every direction. It was like nothing she'd ever seen before. 

The rest of the group had already seen the spirit world, as they didn't look as dumbfounded as Lin must of looked. Bumi turned around to face the group. 

"So, what now?" It was honestly a decent question. The way Lin understood it, the spirit world was infinite, she couldn't of truly believed that Kya would be waiting for them at the portal? Of course it wouldn't of been that easy. Bumi turned to look at Korra and Jinora hopefully. 

"Can't you two do some spirity stuff to find her?" He asked, waving his hands around in the air for dramatic effect. Korra and Jinora looked at each other and nodded. 

"We can try to focus on her energy." Korra nodded in agreement, kneeling down to place a firm hand on the ground beneath her. Jinora copied her movements and kept her eyes closed in concentration, as Korra's glowed white. When Korra's eyes faded back to normal, she looked back at Jinora in confirmation. Both women nodded at each other. 

"The forest." They said in unison, and the group turned to the left to see a massive forest expansing across the landscape. Lin recognized it immediately. It was the forest she'd dreamed of Kya in the other night. 

"Yeah, _that's_ not ominous." Bumi muttered sarcastically as the group began the trek towards the forest. As the tall trees got closer and closer, the feeling of nervousness Lin had experienced earlier was replaced with a feeling of pure necessity. The way she felt so incredibly drawn towards the forest in front of her was almost overwhelming, like she was a puppet being yanked by its strings in each direction. Kya's necklace she kept in her pocket felt heavy like lead, and it seemed almost unrealistically alive, like it had a heartbeat of it's own. 

Although she hadn't any idea where she was going, Lin lead the group deeper and deeper into the forest, lead herself by only the feeling of pure determination. The way in which she walked without any feeling at all was paralleled only by the feeling deep in her stomach that she was close; that she was close to Kya. 

"Uh guys?" Bumi's voice shocked Lin out of her determination and she turned around to look at him. "Do you hear something?" Lin paused to listen to her surroundings. A light rustling amongst the trees impeded her hearing, and she swiveled around frantically to find the source of the noise, but it seemed to be coming from every direction at once. It briefly occurred to her that Kya wasn't the only thing supposedly in the spirit world, that it was also home to dark and dangerous spirits as well. She hadn't even checked if she still had her bending. 

Something moved in the corner of Lin's eyes, and she swiveled around to meet whatever it was. The bushes began to rustle and a flash of blue caught her eye. She heard Jinora gasp, but Lin couldn't take her eyes off what was in front of her. The figure leaned nonchalantly up against a tree, a humorous smile written across her face. 

"Kya?" Lin stuttered out hoarsely. 

"Hey there, chief." Kya smiled and hoisted herself off the tree, making her way towards Lin. "Took you long enough." 

Lin was sure her jaw was completely unhinged, but she didn't care. Kya appearing to her last night had been more than shocking, but somehow, seeing her now was even more so. Perhaps because last night, bathed in bright golden light, Kya had looked more like a vision than a person. Now, she looked exactly how Lin had remembered her; she looked like the woman Lin loved so bad it hurt. 

"I-" Lin opened her mouth to say something, anything really, but the words failed her. There truly was no words to summarize everything she wanted to say. How right now, in this moment, was the first time she really felt alive in the past month. How it felt like a part of her had died with Kya, and how nothing could ever fill that void again. 

"Use your words, honey." Kya teased lightly, stepping forwards to stand in front of Lin. Lin just blinked dumbly as her brain spun around in a whirlpool of emotions. Lin felt herself reach out for Kya, but stopped halfway. 

"Can-can I touch you?" Lin remembered the way her fingers had flitted right through Kya's form the night before, and how supremely disappointed she had been to be so close, but still not able to feel her. Kya just smiled and reached for Lin's hands, and Lin exhaled softly as Kya's fingers intertwined with her own. They were as soft as she remembered. 

"Of course you can." Kya chuckled lightly. "I'm not a ghost." She cocked her head to one side and arched a single eyebrow. "Well, technically I'm a spirit, but I'm not really sure how all that-" Kya was cut off as lips crashed against hers; a tidal wave of emotions surging through both their limbs. The connection of their lips intensified as Lin tangled her fingers in Kya's soft hair, desperate to take in as much of the waterbender as she could. There were very few moments in Kya's life which she never wanted to end, and this was one of them. The feeling of Lin's lips against her own was something she thought she'd never get to experience again, and it was everything she could of ever asked for. 

When the kiss ended, Kya pulled away lightly, resting her forehead on Lin's with a contented smile written across her lips. 

"Missed me, huh chief?" Lin let out an amused huff in response. 

"You have no idea." 

And exaggerated _ahem_ from Bumi caused both women to turn their attention towards him. 

"I'd say get a room, but I'm afraid we'd never hear from you two again." He chortled. Kya rolled her eyes and returned her gaze to Lin, pressing a soft kiss to the inside of her palm before heading over to properly greet her brother. 

"No love for your amazing big brother, huh?" Bumi placed both hands on his hips in mock offense and Kya rolled her eyes again. 

"Sorry Bum, but she's a supremely better kisser." Kya teased. Bumi let out an exaggerated scoff and wrapped her in a huge bearhug. 

"I missed you sis." He murmured, no traces of teasing or sarcasm in his voice. Kya smiled and hugged him tighter. 

"I missed you too, Bum." She pulled away and raised an eyebrow. "No Tenzin?" She asked, and Bumi just rolled his eyes. 

"You know how he is." He replied with a sigh. Kya shrugged in agreement. She was sure this entire predicament wasn't easy to believe. She turned to Jinora, who still had one hand over her mouth in shock, and knelt down to wrap her in a tight hug. 

"I can't believe you're here, Aunt Kya." Jinora whispered softly. Kya smiled and kissed the top of her head affectionately. 

"I really missed you, kid." Jinora smiled and wiped a stray tear away from her cheek as she pulled away from her aunt. Kya lightly ruffled the top of her head affectionately and smiled down sweetly at her niece. 

Korra couldn't believe what she was seeing. When she agreed to accompany Lin into to the spirit world, she assumed it was just to supply Lin with a peace of mind over Kya's death. She never imagined that Kya would actually be here. She of course, knew spirit world transcensions weren't impossible, as she'd spent time with Iroh here as well, but it never occurred to her that it could happen to Kya. 

Kya slowly moved over to Korra, who was still looking at her with wide eyes. 

"Kya-you're," Korra stuttered, trying to find the words. "You're dead." Kya just shook her head humorously, and with a smile, wrapped the younger woman in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Kya." Korra whispered quietly. "I'm so sorry." Kya just smiled and pulled away slowly, squeezing Korra's shoulder in comfort.

"You have nothing to be sorry about, honey." Kya murmured. She turned around to take in the rest of the group, and felt an overwhelming surge of comfort. Throughout her life, she'd loved and she'd lost, but in this very moment, she felt as if she had never been hurt in her entire life, and that somehow, everything had worked out in her favor. 

Perhaps because it had. She wasn't really sure what her ominous 'second chance' would be, but she would be content if this was it. Today, she had kissed the love of her life for the first time in what felt like years. She had hugged her brother and her niece, and for the first time in a while, she felt as if she had everything she ever wanted. 

She felt Lin come up next to her. Kya turned her head slightly and flashed a gentle smile at her. In response, Lin reached down and gently intertwined their fingers together, squeezing Kya's hand lightly. Kya was honestly a little surprised; Lin was never one to initiate intimate contact, especially in public situations. But Kya certainly wasn't complaining. 

"How did this happen, Kya?" Bumi asked, gesturing to the spirit world landscape. Kya just chuckled and shook her head. 

"I'm still not really sure." She shrugged. "I just really remember, well, _dying,_ " She paused for a second, as if she was still processing. Kya then turned to him with a smile. "And then I saw dad." 

Bumi looked at her with a mix of bewilderment and slight interest. "You-you saw dad?" Kya smiled and nodded. 

"We talked for a little bit and then I got sent here." Kya waved a hand around the spirit landscape. 

"How was he?" Bumi asked quietly. 

"He was," Kya paused and exhaled softly. "He was exactly how I remembered." She said with a smile. "I haven't seen him since, but Iroh's been keeping me company here." 

"Isn't it lonely here, all by yourself?" Jinora asked. Kya shook her head and smiled. 

"I wouldn't say that." She turned to smile softly at Lin, while giving her hand a gentle squeeze. "I see you guys a lot more often than you think, even though you can't see me." She smiled and squeezed Lin's hand again. 

"We should tell Tenzin that you're here." Bumi looked at Korra and she nodded in agreement. "He's been in a little bit of a funk lately." Kya nodded, but felt Lin clench onto her hand even tighter. 

"We can't leave, we just got here!" Lin exclaimed hoarsely. Kya just took her other hand and held them both close to her face, kissing the tips of Lin's knuckles lightly. Bumi looked at Korra again, and with a nod, began to shuffle away. 

"We'll give you two a minute." Korra whispered quietly, as she, Bumi and Jinora made their way back they came, presumably back to the spirit portal. Once they were out of earshot, Lin turned back towards Kya. 

"I'm not leaving you." Lin whispered stubbornly. Kya chuckled as she trailed her thumb across Lin's cheek aimlessly. "I want to stay here with you." For once in her life, Lin didn't care about her life back in Republic City, she didn't care about her job or any of her other responsibilities; she just wanted to stay here with Kya, for eternity, if she had to. 

"I don't think you'll have to, Lin." Kya whispered. "I've been told that the spirit world isn't my final destination, and I don't really know what that means, but I'm willing to wait as long as I have to if it means I'll be with you again." 

"I don't understand." Lin muttered truthfully. Her eyes met cerulean ones filled with love. 

"Neither do I." Kya smiled and kissed the bridge of Lin's nose. "But won't it be fun to find out?" In lieu of a proper response, Lin leaned forwards to capture her lips in a passionate kiss. She felt Kya smile against her lips, and the sensation sent a rush of euphoria through her body. Lin wrapped her arms around Kya's waist tightly, letting herself melt into the feeling of Kya's lips against her's once again. 

Lin never wanted to let go.

\--

"You guys went _WHERE?!"_ Tenzin's voice climbed to an octave Lin wasn't sure was even reachable. Bumi looked like he was about to explode with laughter at the state of his little brother's flushed vexation, and Jinora looked a little startled herself. 

"Yes Tenzin, we went to the spirit world." Lin rolled her eyes in impatience. "Get over it already." Tenzin looked like his eyeballs were about to pop out of his head. 

"Get-get over it?!" He spluttered. "The spirit world is a dangerous place, and you all could of gotten seriously hurt!" He turned to look at Lin incredulously. "I would not have expected this kind of irresponsibility from you of all people, Lin." 

"You know, Tenzin, we just wanted to give you an update on what we saw there out of basic courtesy." Lin snapped. "That is, if you can manage to pull the stick out of your ass!" 

"Okay, I think we all need to relax." Korra stepped in between Lin and Tenzin, sensing even more tension that usual. Lin had said earlier that she didn't want anyone else doubting her mental stability, it would make sense that Tenzin would be just the one to do that. 

"She was there, dad." Jinora stepped forwards to place her hands on her father's arms. "Aunt Kya was there." Tenzin turned to look down at his eldest. There was no mistaking the emotion in his eyes. 

"Are you sure?" He replied hoarsely. "B-because you might not of r-really seen-" 

"It was her, daddy." Jinora unabashedly let a tear slide down the side of her face. "We talked to her, I-I even _hugged_ her." Tenzin turned to look at Bumi, who nodded his head in confirmation. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the news sink in. Kya was in the spirit world. And he didn't even go to see her. He'd failed her once again. 

Turning to Lin and Bumi, he offered them a tired, apologetic smile. "I wish I could of been there with you." He lowered his gaze. "And I'm sorry that I wasn't." 

"You might have another chance." Korra stood up from her chair and walked up to the group. "I'm going to go to Wa Shi Tong's spirit library, and you should come too." Bewilderment crossed the faces of the group at Korra's sudden proclamation. 

"Why are you going to Wa Shi Tong's?" Tenzin asked in confusion. The rest of the group looked expectantly at her for an answer, and the young woman took a deep breath before she began her explanation. 

"I've been doing some thinking since I found out Kya is technically a spirit." Korra confessed. "And I know this sounds crazy, but I think there's a way to bring her back to the physical world." Lin stared at her dumbly. _Bring Kya back?_ She hadn't thought that was even an option. 

"I'm sorry, _what_?" Tenzin sputtered out. Korra just waved her hand at him gesturing to let her finish. 

"When Unalaq was teaching me about spirit bending, he briefly told me about a sub-sect to it." Korra paused to collect her thoughts and explain it in a way that would make sense to the group. "It's like a mix of energy bending and spirit bending, and it refers to bending a person's actual life-force, more specifically, a spirit's." She finished. The group in front of her still looked bewildered, so Korra took a deep breath and tried again. 

"It's kind of like reverse spirit bending." Korra explained. "Spirit bending bends dark spirit's energy back into the spirit world, so it would make sense that you could technically bend a spirit's life-force back into the physical world." 

Tenzin stroked his beard thoughtfully. He had never heard of this kind of technique, but he supposed that the spirit library would be the best place to do some research. 

"I'm coming with you." Lin stepped forwards in determination. Korra nodded in agreement and looked back at Tenzin, who still seemed to be lost in thought. 

"Are you sure about this, Korra?" He asked quietly. What they were talking about was not just bending or the spirit world; but bringing someone back to life. He supposed that since he hadn't actually seen Kya in the spirit world, that he couldn't wrap his head around the idea that she was in fact, still here. But bringing someone back to life? It was not only impossible, but unheard of. But he would not deny his sister her second chance at life. No matter how crazy it sounded. 

Korra nodded her head in response. "Wa Shi Tong's is the best place to figure out if the technique has any merit." She paused. "And if it could actually work for Kya." 

Lin continued to stare at the ground while her mind spun. She hadn't even begun to fully process all the spiritual insanity that had become apart of her life in the past twenty-four hours; and now it could possibly bring Kya back? It was too mind-boggling to even think about. 

But nevertheless, Lin could not stop thinking about the possibility. The possibility of Kya being here with her again. The possibility that maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't be bitterly alone for the rest of her life. Lin had never usually let herself get her hopes up, especially when she didn't have all the information, but right now she could not help it. She could not help but think that after everything, after all the nights she'd spent so incredibly and suffocatingly alone; that she'd finally have it all once again. 

The once feeling of immeasurable loss that weighed her down every day was now replaced with a feeling of undeniable hope; the hope that their story wasn't over, that their time together wasn't cut short, just a simple change in circumstance. 

Korra and Tenzin were still talking, but their voices faded into a dull, steady ring as Lin let herself go, but not to the cruel beckoning pit of her own sanity that she had tried so hard to resist, but to the warm comfort of Kya that still lived in the expanse of her own mind. 

She let herself fall backwards in a comfortable trustfall, knowing full and well that Kya would catch her, spirit or not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok this was a little short YIKES i've been really busy lately and the us election has had me really anxious and everything and im not really too thrilled with how this chapter turned out but i hope you all enjoyed nonetheless :)


	14. the library; part one : whatever it takes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i apologize how long it took me to write this. i kept rewriting and rewriting and then i ended up scrapping it all together. honestly it took me forever to get past this block so a comment or two would be appreciated :)

For the rest of the day, Lin had felt like she was in a trance. There was no other way to describe it, really. Just that in a matter of hours; everything had changed. She was no longer crazy, she was no longer grieving; if anything, she was no longer _alone._ Just a meager few days ago she was wallowing in her own grief, and letting herself fall into the depths of her aloneness, and _now_ , well now, it felt like she had never lost anything in the first place. 

The only thing running through her mind was Kya. It was always Kya, it had always _been_ Kya. The way hope seemed to brim out of her very mind was something she never thought she would ever want to experience, but it was a sort of fulfilling feeling, and something she never wanted to be without again.

She was riding on the feeling, so much so that she had unpacked all of Kya's things that she had carefully placed underneath the dresser; laying them out on the bed like a display. Almost like Kya would come back and claim them all. 

So much blue covered the bed, in almost every shade there was a memory buried deep inside. 

The completely atrocious light blue socks Kya had made during her brief knitting phase, in which she had insisted that she knit everything they wore. She was horrible at it, but it was kind of cute to see her so excited over a piece of cloth. 

So many blue dresses that reminded Lin of all social engagements she wholly detested, but merely tolerated for the sake of bringing a smile to Kya's face. Spirits, the things she would do for that woman. 

And when it all came down to it, it was such an odd feeling that Lin wasn't sure what it was at first. She had never loved like that before, and she doubted she would ever again. She had never loved anyone or anything as much as she loved Kya, and it was almost embarrassing how much she would sacrifice to be with her again. 

A knock at her apartment door startled Lin out of her trance. She gently placed the knitwear back on the bed; momentarily wondering if she should pack it all up again. 

Another knock. 

Lin furled her brow in momentary confusion; foregoing her previous conundrum. She wasn't expecting anyone, nor was she really sure who would be bothering her this late. Even so, she couldn't really bring herself to feel mad at the sudden interruption. Normally she would have to beat away the intrusive thoughts of simply arresting whoever was at the door; perhaps her sudden change in mentality was a result of Kya. How fitting. 

The apartment door opened tentatively, revealing a tall, unexpected frame. Tenzin stood in the doorframe, and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly as Lin stared up at him in perplexity. 

"Um," Lin poked her head out of the doorframe a little to look out into the hallway. "Can I help you?" She should be upset with him really, considering just a day ago he had successfully made her doubt her own sanity, but for some odd reason, she couldn't really bring herself to be upset. Normally, her patience for dealing with people like Tenzin; or just anyone in general was astronomically low, but the only emotion she had felt for the remainder of the day was hope. 

"Lin, I-um," Tenzin cleared his throat hoarsely. "I'm sorry to bother you so late." He rubbed the back of his neck again: his nervous tick, as Lin remembered from their time spent together. His eyes conveyed what seemed like pure exhaustion, but it was more than that, even. Lin had always been able to read people's emotions easily, perhaps as a product of being able to read the earth. There were so many emotions reflected in his pale eyes, but the biggest one was easily readable: 

Guilt. 

Lin stepped aside and opened the door wider; a silent permission to come in. Tenzin stood there dumbly for a second, a shocked expression crossing his face at Lin's sudden, uncharacteristic hospitality. He shook himself out of his thoughts, following Lin into the apartment, closing the door behind him. As he followed Lin through the apartment, Tenzin couldn't help but take notice of where Lin lived. He couldn't say he'd actually been here before, but so much of the interior just made _sense._ Little modernly shaped metal sculptures adorned the bookshelves in the living room, no doubt that Lin had made herself; Tenzin remembered that as uncharacteristic as it may seem, Lin liked to use her bending for more than just fighting; Lin would often use it as a form of stress relief, as if forming little metal objects would distract her from the everyday pressures she faced. 

But the decor inside Lin's apartment didn't seem so familiar because they had dated; it was familiar because it reminded him of his sister. A wool, light blue blanket that Tenzin recognized from the South Pole was folded neatly on the couch, no doubt having belonged to Kya. Tiny potted succulents were perched on some of the windowsills; each looking well taken care of. Lin must of continued to water them after-well, _after._ He knew Kya loved her plants and herbs, momentarily remembering how he would sometimes catch her in the gardens on the island in the middle of the night, spraying the plants with light mists of water. And that's who she was; the caretaker. 

Kya was the person who would drop everything if you asked her to, even for the most trivial of matters. She was the kind of person to make sure the people she loved were taken care of first and foremost, even at the expense of herself. She was the heart in every situation; selfless, caring, empathetic. And she was, the way he understood it, up until the very end. 

Tenzin followed Lin into the kitchen, who was rummaging in one of the cabinets for something. 

"You can sit if you want." Tenzin glanced at the stools by her kitchen counter, gingerly reaching out to slide his frame into one; not willing to second-guess Lin's sudden hospitality. Lin turned back towards him, brandishing a rather large bottle of whiskey, and two small glasses. 

"Oh Lin, I don't think-" He trailed off in silent acceptance as Lin poured the dark liquid into a glass, sliding it across the table towards him. She poured her own next, bringing the glass up to her lips and taking a deep swig. Tenzin tentatively brought his own glass to his lips, wincing as the bitter liquid slid down his throat, burning as it went. Lin leaned over the kitchen counter onto her elbows, taking another sip of the alcohol, hardly even wincing. 

Tenzin stared at the liquid in his glass. He had came to her for a reason: to apologize to Lin. To apologize for doubting her and not believing in her. But if he was being honest, it was so much more than that. In the past month since his sister had been murdered, he felt so irrevocably _numb._ Each day seemed to blur together in a suffocating loop; each second that ticked by reminded him of his shortcomings as a brother, his _failure._ Perhaps he'd let himself feel that way; he'd let himself fall numb, because it was easier than facing the guilt head on.

_See what he's doing there, Bumi? Classic airbender technique, cutting and running when things get tough!_

The three siblings had come a long way since their disagreement at the Air Temple vacation many years ago, but Kya's words just seemed to hit a little closer to home than they should. Maybe because she was right. He _was_ running. Running from the overwhelming grief of losing a sibling. Running from the heart-wrenching guilt of the part he might of played in her death.

Running from Kya. 

Even in her death, he was running from her; he was neglecting her and leaving her behind, much like he'd admittedly done throughout their lives. There was so much he failed to do, and maybe that was what was slowly killing him. It wasn't what he'd explicitly done _to_ her, but what he'd failed to do.

"Tenzin?" He looked up from the glass at Lin's sudden voice. 

"I'm sorry, did you say something?" He cleared his throat hoarsely and blinked the emotions he hoped weren't too visible from his eyes. He could tell Lin wasn't fooled. 

"I just asked if you were okay." Lin's voice was uncharacteristically soft as she spoke to him, almost as if she was afraid if she spoke too abrasively, that he would shatter into pieces. It almost reminded him of the way Kya used to speak to Ikki when she was upset about something; softly, quietly, and non-combative. All of which he did not typically relate to Lin's personality. It was part of the reason why he was so surprised that Lin and Kya had fallen in love, as it seemed their different personalities would undoubtedly clash. But he quickly found out that they ended up bringing out the best in each other, without even realizing they were doing it. He watched over the years as Kya became less flighty and rootless as she had been in her youth, no doubt as a result of Lin's steadfastness. He watched as Lin began to open herself up to others, breaking out of the shell she had formed in a attempt to guard her own emotions. They had changed each other with nothing but the power of their own love, and it left Tenzin in awe every time. 

"Lin, I want to apologize." Tenzin said quietly. "For everything." Lin ran her index finger over the rim of her glass as he spoke. 

"It's fine." Lin replied thoughtfully. "It doesn't really matter." At her response, Tenzin shook his head insistently, as if she had been done a great wrong. 

"No, it's not." He insisted. "I should of believed you about Kya, and I should of been more sensitive to your feelings, I shouldn't of forced you away from your job, and I shouldn't of-" He ran a hand over his head as he rambled. "And I just-" He finally looked up at her as he neared the end. "I'm sorry." 

"It's really okay, Tenzin." Lin reassured him gently. "I forgive you." He looked back down at his glass, bringing it up to his lips once again with a wince. Lin stared at him thoughtfully. She had never seen him like this; so painfully _vulnerable._ Like a turtle-duck whose shell had been forgone; relinquishing the tiny creature to the pain and cruelty of the world. 

"Tenzin, I appreciate you coming over." Lin began tentatively. "But I don't think that's the only thing that's been bothering you, has it?" She took Tenzin's silence as a confirmation. "You don't have to talk to me if you don't want to." She shrugged. 

Tenzin continued his silence, staring into the liquid in the cup. What was he supposed to say? He certainly didn't want to dump his emotional baggage onto Lin, who he was sure was hurting just as much as him. But there were very few times in his life where he had seen Lin Beifong open and accepting to other's feelings, and this was one of the few. 

"Did you ever feel," He paused, as if to collect his thoughts. "Did you ever feel guilty over her death?" Lin raised an eyebrow over the question and Tenzin immediately regretted asking. How insensitive could he be? "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" Lin simply waved a hand to show she wasn't upset. Tenzin relaxed immediately at the gesture. He wasn't really in the mood to be attacked by Lin. 

"It's fine." Lin replied quietly. She looked up at him thoughtfully. "I never told you how _it_ happened, did I?" Tenzin shook his head as confusion began to momentarily cloud his brain. Lin had never told him the specifics of Kya's death, and he never actually asked. Maybe he should of. 

Lin took a deep breath and looked back down at her glass. "She saved me." Lin's voice was quiet, obviously not too keen on reliving the situation. "She saved me and," Lin cleared her throat. "and died as a result." She took a swig of the drink; emptying the glass. She didn't pour herself another. Lin had no intention of dulling her senses in order to escape the pain like she'd done so many times before. Dulling her senses now would block out Kya, which was the last thing she wanted. 

Tenzin sat there in stunned silence. Everything made so much sense now. Why Lin had been obsessed with finding Kya again, why she was hallucinating and and spiraling. Lin was harboring an unimaginable guilt; but worse than that, she was harboring the undeniable pain of losing the love of her life to her own culpability. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tenzin whispered quietly. Lin just shrugged and stared at her hands. 

"I couldn't." She answered quietly. "I was scared that people would blame me, because I thought it was my fault." She looked back up at Tenzin. "I only ever told Katara." 

Tenzin stared at the liquid still present in his glass. He didn't really want to drink the rest of it. If anything, his head was spinning enough from Lin's recent confession; His sister had died for her girlfriend. 

Kya had died for Lin Beifong. 

If anything, the guilt he was harboring was not only quite different, but it also seemed minuscule to Lin's. How could you ever get past that kind of guilt? Tenzin's own had been suffocating and uncontrollable; an endless loop of numbing culpability. 

"How did you get past it?" Tenzin asked quietly. Lin shrugged and rolled her neck around her shoulders. 

"It helps that she's not really _gone_ gone." Lin admitted. "But I don't think I'll ever really get over it." She offered him a small smile. "I think you'll feel better when you finally see her tomorrow." Tenzin nodded absentmindedly; the group had planned to venture into the spirit world to do their research at the spirit library, and to meet up with Kya in the process. Perhaps really seeing his sister would help dissipate some of the guilt. Maybe. 

"Tenzin?" 

"Hm?" 

"Why," Lin paused as she gently countered. "Why do you feel guilty?" Tenzin stared straight ahead, and for a second Lin wasn't sure if he had heard her. 

"Because I failed her, Lin." He whispered hoarsely. "So many times."

"How?" Tenzin shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck again. 

"There was _so_ much I didn't do for her, Lin." 

"She loved you, Tenzin." 

He scoffed and waved a hand in resistance to her words. "She loved _everyone,_ Lin." He replied quietly. "Even the people that wronged her over and over." 

"You never wronged her." Lin attempted to reassure him, but he waved her off again. 

"I failed to be there for her throughout her life." He said bitterly. "I didn't know about Yakone, spirits, I never even _asked._ " He began to list as he ranted, and Lin could only let him vent. "I never even stopped and considered her feelings when we were kids. I mean, she was always _so_ thoughtful of _everyone,_ and I was _so wrapped_ up in myself to notice her issues with Dad!" His hands flew up into the air in frustration, but Lin didn't have time to interject as he continued again. "And then she dropped _everything_ to be with Mom after Dad died, and I never even asked her how it impacted _her!"_ Tenzin hung his head in a mix of frustration and shame. 

"Spirits, I never got to say _goodbye,_ Lin." His voice cracked slightly. "I wasn't there for her when she was alive, I wasn't there when she died, and I wasn't there when she was in the spirit world." He placed his head in his hands and rubbed his temples. 

"I wasn't _there,_ Lin." Lin let him sit there with his head in his hands, allowing him a minute to compose himself. Throughout their past relationship, the biggest issue that plagued them was difficulty expressing emotions. Specifically, opening up. But in the past minute, Tenzin had opened up more than Lin had ever seen, and her heart pained a little to think he was suffering so silently all this time. Spirits knew she had been too. 

"Tenzin, most of that is all in the past." Lin began quietly. "And I'm sure she never blamed you for any of it." She sighed and looked up at him, who still had his head in his hands. "I think the thing we can both agree on is that she deserves the world and more." Lin paused. "And we both know that Kya's world has always been the people she cares about." 

"Kya has been wronged so many times throughout her life, Tenzin." She continued. "But you can't change the past. We've all hurt her at some point, but for some reason, we've all been given a second chance to see her again, and I have no intention of wasting it." She paused again to look at him. "Do you?" 

Tenzin lifted his head out from his hands to look curiously at Lin. When had she become so consoling, even borderline nurturing? This little pep-talk she'd given him didn't seem like her at all, it sounded like something he'd hear from someone else, certainly not the steely Lin Beifong. 

It sounded like Kya. 

"What?" Tenzin hadn't noticed he'd been staring. He shook his head and smiled. 

"It appears she's rubbed off on you after all."

Lin sighed and glanced behind him, at the framed photo hanging on the wall. The second print of the two photos her and Kya had taken so long ago on that ridiculously stupid disposable camera. 

"More than you know." She sighed, and Tenzin couldn't help but smile. He had only come here to deliver a much deserved apology, but had gotten something so very different. He had realized that the love Lin and his sister shared was stronger than anything he'd ever seen, strong enough to penetrate Lin's multiple protective layers that he could never of done, and strong enough to last through death itself. 

Tenzin stood up and dusted himself off. "I've taken up enough of your time tonight." He offered her a small smile. "Thank you, Lin." 

"Of course." She stood up and began walking him to the door. "Tenzin?" He stopped at the doorframe to look back at her. "I don't know if it helps, but, she really did love you." Tenzin smiled at looked down at his feet. 

"I suppose that's one thing we have in common." Lin nodded and pursed her lips lightly as he walked out the door, as he shot her another grateful smile over his shoulder. She closed the door lightly behind him, letting out a deep breath. 

"Well _that_ was a real tearjerker." 

Lin whipped around to see Kya floating over by the kitchen table, a teasing smile written across her face. 

"Kya?" 

Kya smiled and rolled her eyes. 

"As you live and breathe, chief." 

"Were you listening to that whole thing?" Lin asked in disbelief. 

"Yeah, being dead kinda has it's perks." Kya chuckled. Lin rolled her eyes and made her way over to the kitchen to join her. 

"You didn't want to intervene or anything?" Lin raised and eyebrow and Kya laughed; a sweet, melodic sound. 

"I think you had it covered, hon." Kya smiled. "I think you two really connected."

"That wasn't really my intention." Lin scoffed, earning her an eye-roll from her girlfriend. 

"I had no idea he was even feeling that way." Kya whispered quietly. "Half of that guilt doesn't even have anything to do with him." 

"He really does love you, I guess." Lin shrugged and Kya grinned again.

"I suppose that's one thing we both have in common." Kya stood rigidly, mimicking her brother's earlier statement. Lin rolled her eyes and began clearing the two glasses away. "So, what's this I hear about coming to the spirit world tomorrow?" Lin turned around to look at her and shrugged nonchalantly. 

"We're going to the spirit library." Lin replied simply. Kya raised on eyebrow and Lin just continued to put the glasses in the sink. 

"And... is the city getting boring or something?" 

"We're gonna bring you back." 

Kya blinked. Lin obviously didn't think it was a big deal, as she leaned nonchalantly up against the counter like she was filling Kya in on some minuscule detail about her day. 

"Sorry, you're gonna _what?"_

Lin shrugged again and fiddled with the hem of her tank-top. 

"Korra knows about some spiritual thing that can do something to your spirit and bring you back." She looked at Kya and shrugged. "We're gonna go to the spirit library and do some research." 

Kya stared ahead blankly. Sure, since she was in the spirit world, it didn't feel like she was _really dead,_ but bringing someone back to life? Not only was it unheard of, but it was completely crazy. 

"Kya?" She snapped back to attention at the sound of Lin's voice. 

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?" Lin countered. "You look, _overwhelmed._ " Kya blinked again and shook her head thoughtfully. 

"It's just-" She paused, trying to find the words. "It's just, _Lin_ , you know how it sounds." 

"I know, I know." Lin muttered. "But what if it works?" She returned her gaze to Kya and stepped closer to her. 

"But what if it doesn-" 

"Kya, I love you." Lin interrupted her quickly, a new passion reignited in her eyes. "I love you, and I will do _whatever_ it takes to be with you." She had the urge to reach out, but knew that she wouldn't be able to feel her. Not like this. 

"I know it's a shot in the dark." Lin continued. "But I don't care, I don't care if it's a one in a million chance that it works, because you are worth it." Kya looked deeply into Lin's eyes, and for the first time, they were so intensely vulnerable it made her heart pound. 

"You're worth it to me." 

Lin honestly didn't care that she sounded like the pulpy romance novels Kya used to read, because it was how she felt; truly. Lin was always one to cut straight through the bullshit, even more so in her own feelings. And there probably weren't enough words in all the languages in the world to explain the way she felt for Kya, but for now, this would be enough. 

Kya never wanted to kiss her girlfriend more in her _life._ She felt like a teenager again. The way Lin was looking at her now made her chest swell; swell with such an emotion that could not be properly identified in any capacity. Lin was ready and willing to give up everything for her, and Kya was willing to do the same. 

"You mean everything to me." Kya whispered softly. "You are the love of my life and my best friend, and I don't know how much time we have, but I know I want to spend it with you." 

The words exchanged between the two women seemed to be enough to bridge the barrier of the lack of physical contact, as their eyes seemed to convey what a hug or a kiss could not. So much fire and passion seemed to be conflicted by the gentle thrum of intimacy, but yet it came together in such a heavenly peace. 

A sense of comforting hope. 

\--

The group stood in front of the large spirit portal in the center of the city. Their ragtag little band consisted of Tenzin, Bumi, Jinora, Korra, and the rest of team avatar. Lin wasn't really sure why team avatar needed to come, but she wasn't going to say anything. She supposed it didn't really matter as long as she got to be with Kya. 

"Okay, so." Korra turned around to address the group. "Once we're in, we'll meet up with Kya and find the spirit library." She turned to Jinora. "Jinora, you've been before, do you think you can find it again?" 

Jinora nodded her head thoughtfully. "Bumju actually lead me there last time, so there's no reason he can't do it again." The group looked towards the cyan colored spirit resting on Bumi's shoulder. 

"Alright!" Bumi bellowed in excitement. "Bumju to the rescue again!" The spirit chirped happily as Bumi patted it's head affectionately and Lin crinkled her nose in distaste. 

"Can we get a move on please?" Lin asked impatiently, as she began to usher the group towards the portal. They each stepped in one by one, letting the golden light engulf the forms individually. Lin didn't think she'd ever get used to the weightless feeling that came with the sudden materialization. She liked to be consistently connected to the earth, as it provided her with a sense of undeniable stability, and the spirit portal seemed to take that away every time. 

Lin shielded her gaze as the spirit world materialized into her view; it was brighter than she remembered. The rest of the group materialized in front of her, each one of them getting their bearings quicker than the last. 

"Kya dear!" Bumi howled. "Your super amazing brother is here!" He grinned and cupped his hands over his mouth to carry his voice. "Tenzin's here too!" 

"I'm pretty sure that's not how it works, Bumi." Tenzin huffed indignantly. Bumi crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his nose in the air like a toddler. 

"Considering that I've actually _seen_ her here, I think I'll be the judge of that." 

Lin rolled her eyes as the siblings bickered, and felt arms slid around her uniform. She turned around to see Kya grinning up at her. 

"Chief." Was all she got as a greeting before Kya pulled her in by her collar into a deep kiss. Lin instinctively wrapped her arms around Kya's waist, focused on the warm mouth against hers. She felt Kya grin against her lips, and although she would deny it if anyone asked, Lin felt herself do the same. 

Kya pulled away a little bit to rest her forehead against Lin's; a lopsided grin plastered across her face. 

"Miss me, chief?" Lin leaned down to kiss her again in response. 

"Can you two keep it in your pants, _please?"_ Bumi huffed in mock disgust from behind them. "There are children present!" He grabbed Jinora and slapped a hand over her eyes in jest. Jinora batted her uncle away and shot a wide grin at the couple. 

Kya looped an arm around Lin's and dragged them towards the group. 

"Hi everyone, long time no see." Kya smiled and winked at the rest of the group, who all, for the most part, looked a little starstruck. Bolin's eyes were wide as saucers, Asami's eyes were a little watery; even Mako looked a little overwhelmed. 

Poor Tenzin looked like he was about to pass out. He quickly realized that Lin was right after all; seeing Kya so, _alive,_ proved just the means to melt the guilt away. It felt like he had never lost her in the first place.

Kya approached him slowly, a teasing smile written across her face. She reached out and waved a hand in front of his face. 

"Is he on cactus juice or something?" She asked teasingly and Bumi just shrugged. 

"Kya! you're-you're here." Tenzin stuttered out dumbly. Kya rolled her eyes and laughed. 

"Where else would I be?" She grinned and flipped a strand of her over her shoulder dramatically. 

"Dead?" Bumi offered from the side. Kya rolled her eyes again and swatted him lightly. 

"I'm glad you're here, Ten." Kya whispered, all traces of sarcasm gone from her voice. "Really." She leaned in and wrapped him in a tight hug, in which Bumi immediately joined in. Tenzin couldn't help but smile, wrapped in the tight embrace of his siblings, and his supposedly dead sister. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i need to stop with the bly manor references... its a disease yall   
> also i didn't proof read this AT ALL so im sorry if theres grammar errors yikes


	15. the library; part two: decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so sorry how long it took me to get this up, i've been insanely busy and my mental health hasn't been the best lately, so i took some much needed time for myself. thank you for being patient and for reading :)

The group followed Bumi's pet spirit through the spirit world as it hopefully lead them in the direction of Wa Shi Tong's. Lin and Kya walked side by side behind the group, falling into a steady stride. 

"Lin?" 

Lin turned a little to look at her girlfriend. 

"Hm?" 

Kya paused and pursed her lips together lightly, glancing at the group in front of them. 

"I think we should talk about this." Lin peered into her eyes questioningly. 

"What's there to talk about?" 

Kya exhaled softly and shook her head a little like it was obvious. 

"The reality of the situation, babe." 

Lin sighed and rolled her neck around her shoulders. "Kya-"

Kya gently reached for Lin's hand, bringing it close to her face and kissing the calloused knuckles softly. 

"I meant what I said Lin." Kya whispered. "I want this to work, I do but," She smiled sadly. "But Lin, I'm more than a little nervous about this." Lin squeezed her hand lightly, brushing her thumb against the soft skin. 

"I know." Lin replied softly. "We'll only go to do some research, and if it doesn't work out, then," She shrugged a little bit. "Then I'll just come here everyday until we figure something else out." 

Kya raised an eyebrow and grinned. "Everyday?" She gently bumped Lin with her side. "You've got a full-time job, _Chief Beifong._ " Lin shrugged nonchalantly like it was no big deal. 

"I'll make time." 

Kya giggled and looped an arm through Lin's. "You don't need to uproot your whole life for me, hun." Lin tilted her chin to look at her questioningly. 

" _You_ are my whole life." Kya stopped walking and Lin turned around questioningly, as if saying that was no big deal at all. "What?"

Kya laughed, shaking off the slightly dumbstruck expression on her face, running forwards and throwing her arms around a startled Lin, who reached out to steady her immediately. 

"I am so crazy about you, Lin Beifong." Kya whispered, their lips just inches from each others. "And you don't even know." She leaned forwards and pressed their lips together firmly, stroking an aimless thumb over Lin's jawline. Pulling away, Kya rested her forehead against her partner. 

"I do know." Lin whispered and Kya giggled, pressing their lips together once again. 

"If you two are done making out, we're here." Bumi was turned back towards the couple, hands on his hips and a teasing smirk across his face. Kya rolled her eyes and pulled Lin towards the group. 

"Uh, where is it?" The landscape around them was wide open and plain, no big, grand spirit library Lin had expected. 

"It's underground." Jinora explained. Sure enough, through a gaping hole in the ground, they could see large stone pillars coming up through the earth. 

"Oh that is _so_ cool!" Bolin practically squealed from the side. "But how are we gonna get down there?" 

"I think Tenzin and I can airbend us down." Korra mused. Jinora nodded her head in agreement. 

"I have my cables too." Lin offered. 

"Ooh, me please!" The group turned around to look at Kya questioningly. 

"What?" Kya shrugged and grinned before dropping her voice an octave. "It wouldn't be the first time." Lin crinkled up her nose at the innuendo and Bumi made a little gagging motion with his hand. 

"Alright can we just go?" Tenzin sighed in exasperation as he began to usher the group towards the gaping hole in the ground. Korra was still chuckling to herself as she airbent a bubble around her and team avatar, lowering them down slowly. Tenzin, Jinora, and Bumi did the same. Kya turned to Lin and wagged her eyebrows. 

"Our turn chief." Lin rolled her eyes and stepped forwards, her metal cables shooting out of the spiel of the uniform. 

"May I?" Kya giggled and nodded as Lin slowly wrapped the cables around he waist. Lin sighed as Kya shot her a sultry look as the cables tightly secured around her hips.

"I hate you." Lin muttered as Kya bit down on her lip seductively. Kya laughed again and peered over the gaping hole. 

"I hope you don't drop me, chief." Kya teased as Lin handed her part of the cable to hold on to. They locked eyes and Lin raised an eyebrow. 

"You trust me?" 

Kya smiled. 

"Of course." And she did. There was no one she'd rather lower her down into spiritual pit than Lin. With a nod, Lin began to slowly lower Kya down into the hole, never once faltering her grip on the cables. As soon as Kya safely touched the floor beneath, Lin released the cables from around her waist, then using her bending to launch herself down at a much faster speed than she had her girlfriend. Her boots hit the ground with a loud thunk as the cables retreated back into the uniform. 

Judging from the utter silence amongst the group, everyone was in awe over the library. Intricate stone carved pillars loomed over the sort of balcony walkway they stood on, seemingly never reaching the bottomless pit below. Rows and rows of bookshelves were spread out in every direction, each stuffed to the maximum with ancient texts. There had to be millions of books in here. 

"I'd watch out for Wa Shi Tong." Jinora confessed from the side. "He's a little scary." As if summoned, suddenly the flapping of wings impeded the hearing of the group, and a dark shadow emerged from the depths of the library below. The spirit landed on the balcony in front of them, narrowing his black eyes as he towered over them.

" _Humans_ in my library." The owl-like creature spat in disgust. "You never learn." His gaze suddenly flitted to where Kya and Lin were standing, and if possible, his combativeness seemed to soften a tad. 

"A spiritual string." The spirit remarked thoughtfully. "It has been many years since I have encountered one." Lin shot a look at Kya, who was grinning ear to ear. 

"What is he talking about?" Lin whispered. Kya squeezed her arm a little bit and grinned. 

"I'll fill you in later." The couple returned their gaze to the spirit, who was looking at them thoughtfully. 

"Tell me, what brings you to my library?" Wa Shi Tong questioned, leaning forwards intimidatingly. 

"Reverent Spirit, we-" Tenzin began, but the owl waved his wing at him dismissively, effectively silencing the airbender. 

"No." The spirit continued to stare and Lin and Kya. "I am asking _them_." Lin exchanged a look with Kya, who just shrugged in acceptance. 

"We want to bring her spirit back to the physical world." Lin began in explanation. Kya gave a little wave in greeting. "We heard there's some way to do it." The spirit narrowed its eyes at the couple and Lin narrowed them right back. _This_ was the ever-knowing 'knowledge spirit'? It was literally a giant bird. 

"And _why_ would you want to do that?" The owl seemed to sneer down at the couple and Kya tightened her grip on Lin's arm. Lin didn't seem to budge as she raised an eyebrow in instigation. 

There were plenty of reasons to bring Kya back. More than Lin could count on her hands. 

_Because I love her?_

_Because it felt like a part of me died with her?_

_Because I can't live without her._

As Lin and the spirit continued to engage in their competitive staring match, it almost seemed as if the owl could read her very thoughts. Lin briefly wondered if it was in fact some sort of spiritual power. 

"Because she didn't deserve to die." Lin replied simply. "And she deserves a second chance." Silence overtook the group as the spirit continued to stare, a sort of pensive look across its features. Kya briefly remembered her father's story about this same spirit nearly sinking the library with him and his friends in it when they were children. She hoped he was in a better mood than he was then. 

"Over the years my library has existed, I have encountered all types of minuscule humans." The spirit began. "All of which my knowledge for their trivial wars and violent ideals." The owl glanced at Lin and Kya once again. "Throughout the years I have learned that humans only wish to use the power of knowledge to gain the upper hand against others." The spirit backed away a little and bowed his head. 

"You are the first to come here out of love." He nodded towards the couple. "Enjoy the library." And just like that, he flew back down to the endless depth below, leaving the group alone once again. 

"Was it supposed to be that easy?" Bolin whispered in quiet suspense, as if the owl would hear and come back. Korra shrugged and beckoned to the group. 

"I think we should split up so we can cover more ground." Korra motioned to Mako, Bolin, and Asami who followed her towards one row of tall bookshelves. Tenzin, Bumi and Jinora formed their own group, moving towards the opposite row of shelves. Kya grinned and took Lin's hand, beginning to drag towards another row of shelves.

"Come on dear." Kya chuckled. "Let's find ourselves a boring old book." 

Lin rolled her eyes but nevertheless allowed Kya to drag her along the endless row of books. As she stared at the seemingly endless expanse of dust-covered pages, Lin couldn't help but feel a little lost. She had to admit she hadn't had the faintest idea what she was actually looking for. Surely there wasn't going to be an specific sign pointing to books that would bring a person back from the dead. The library itself was _huge_ , endless even; it could potentially take them days to find exactly what they were looking for. 

But then again, days spent in a place where she could actually _feel_ her girlfriend didn't seem all that bad to Lin. 

Lin stole a glance over at Kya, who was humming quietly as she explored the contents of the bookshelves. The idea that none of them knew exactly what they were looking for was actually rather frustrating, simply because of how bad Lin needed this to work. It seemed that her entire life was loss after loss, and then, suddenly, she had _loved;_ she had loved so intensely and passionately in a way that she had never felt before, and never wanted to be without again. Lin had spent her entire life fighting; against the evils lurking on the streets, against her mother and sister, so much of her fight had been against others, but for once, she was willing to fight _for_ something. For _someone._

"You bored already, chief?" Lin hadn't realized she'd zoned out until Kya's voice brought her back into the present. Lin rolled her eyes and joined Kya over by the bookshelf. Kya grinned and flashed Lin a teasing smile. 

"I have to admit, I'm not really sure what we're supposed to be looking for." Kya admitted as she ran her finger along a thick layer of dust coating one of the books. "Bringing people back from the dead isn't really my area of expertise." Lin shrugged in agreement; at least they were both in the same boat. 

"I'm not really sure either." Lin sighed. "I hoped Korra would be able to do some avatar-spirit thing." Kya smiled a little, reaching out to lightly trail her fingers across Lin's scars. 

"Well, anything that lets me do _this,_ " Kya leaned in and brushed their lips together lightly. "Is fine by me." And as Lin felt herself lean in once again; she couldn't help but agree. 

"I hope this works." Lin whispered quietly as Kya rested their foreheads against each others. Kya giggled a little and lightly tapped a finger against Lin's lips.

"That wasn't good enough for you?" She teased. Lin felt herself lean in a little closer. 

"Not compared to what it was." 

Kya returned her gaze up to Lin, who was peering down at her with such an intensely vulnerable look in her eyes it made Kya's heart pound. _So_ much had changed in the past couple months, but she supposed that some things never did. The love she had for Lin hadn't faded as her life-force had; it had flourished and grown in such a way that set ever nerve aflame at the thought of her. It was the kind of love that made her feel like a teenager again, and judging by the way Lin was looking at her; she wasn't the only one that felt this way. 

Kya leaned in, pressing their lips together softly in a sweet kiss. She felt Lin brush a strand of hair away from her face; a sort of gentleness Kya did not usually relate to Lin's personality. Perhaps some things did change after all. 

"I hope this works too." Was all Kya had time to whisper before Lin overtook her in another deep kiss. 

Falling.

There was simply no other way to describe it. 

"Hey guys!" Korra's voice echoed through the bookshelves, startling the two women. "I think we've got something!" 

"See?" Kya grinned and wiggled her eyebrows a little bit. "Good news already!" Lin rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but feel a little jolt of hope shoot through her as Kya lead her through the winding bookshelves. Tenzin, Bumi, and Jinora appeared beside them, and Bumi looked the couple up and down suspiciously. 

"Nice seeing you two." Bumi joked. "I hope it was fun." In response, Kya rolled her eyes and shot her brother a rather obscene hand gesture that made Lin smirk ever so slightly. 

When they finally reached team avatar, Korra was examining an ancient-looking leatherbound book, and Bolin was on the floor petting one of the spirit foxes. 

"How did you guys find something so quickly?" Tenzin asked in amazement. "The library is huge!" 

Korra shrugged and gestured towards the fox, who was currently having its belly rubbed by Bolin. "The knowledge spirit brought it to me, so I assume it's what were looking for." The rest of the group gathered around the young avatar, as she gently dusted off the fragile pages. 

"I think it's some kind of journal." Korra remarked thoughtfully as she read through the the pages. "It's dated over two hundred years ago." 

"What does it say?" Lin interrupted impatiently and Korra lifted a finger as to shush her as she read. Lin felt Kya squeeze her arm reassuringly, and she relaxed a little under her touch. To the side, Bolin was still cooing at the fox spirit, and Lin honestly felt like slapping him. 

"Bro, can you cut it out?" Mako sighed in exasperation and Bolin responded with a pout envied by most little children. 

"Oh come on Mako!" Bolin pleaded. "Can we keep it? Pleaseeeee???" 

"We can't just adopt a spirit, Bolin!" Mako exclaimed, earning him a stuck out tongue from his brother, and another _shush_ from Korra. The rest of the group huddled expectantly around the young avatar, waiting impatiently to hear the contents of the journal. 

Suddenly, Korra sucked in a deep breath and looked up at the rest of the group. 

"Well?" Lin asked in anticipation. Korra dusted off the pages of the journal once more before beginning. 

"Well, the journal belonged to this guy from the Northern Water-tribe, Tolkalq." Korra began. "Apparently his brother was killed in a barbarian raid, and their family was pretty spiritual." 

"So he transcended into the spirit world after he died like Kya did?" Tenzin interjected, and the group looked to Korra for clarification. 

"The writing is a little fuzzy but I think so." Korra continued. "Apparently, Tolkalq claims that a spirit came to him and told him how he could bring his brother back." 

"Why would a spirit do that?" 

Korra shrugged and glanced down at the book. "I'm not sure, so much of this is damaged, but the main idea is that he figured something out." 

"Which is what?" Lin pressed. Korra looked back down at the book thoughtfully. 

"He keeps referring to it as 'soul-bending', by transferring a spirit soul back into the physical world using spirit-bending." Korra explained. "He said he used some sort of talisman that his brother's spiritual energy was tied to and used it to transfer his soul back." 

"So this could actually work?" Lin breathed from the side. She hadn't really meant to say that out loud, but she supposed it was what everyone was thinking anyways. Something that had been a crazy shot in the dark a few hours ago was now a real possibility. 

"Well that's where it gets a little fuzzy." Korra admitted. Lin felt her heart drop slightly. "The writing is pretty smudged, but from what I can gather, something went wrong." Lin raised an eyebrow in a mix of confusion and slight intrigue. 

"What does it say exactly?" 

Korra dusted the page off and brought it up close to her face, squinting as she read. "He is here," Korra read out. "He is here, but without his m-" Korra squinted again and brought the page a little closer. "I'm sorry, I can't make it out." 

"Is there anything else in there?" Tenzin asked apprehensively. Korra simply shook her head and closed the book in defeat. 

"I think it's a promising start though." Korra offered, shooting an almost apologetic look at Lin and Kya. 

A comfortable silence fell over the group as they reflected on the recent knowledge they'd just uncovered. Lin's head was spinning, to say the least. There were so many factors to consider, so many ideas to take into account. This could very well be the thing that brought Kya back to her, but the uncertainty surrounding the outcome of the method itself made her more than a little uneasy. 

But looking back down at Kya, who still had an arm looped through Lin's; the uncertainty seemed to melt away under Kya's blue gaze, like the crest of a wave reaching the shore. This was worth it.

 _She_ was worth it. 

"Let's do it." Confused eyes swiveled towards the chief at Lin's sudden proclamation. 

"Uh Lin, I don't think-" She cut Tenzin off with a simple wave of her hand, as if to let her finish. 

"We came her for a reason." Lin began. "To figure something out to bring Kya back." She stole a glance at Kya, who was looking up at her with a questioning look on her face. "And we've found something, and I know that it's a little uncertain, but we have access to things that this guy didn't that we can use to our advantage." She paused to allow for interjections, but it seemed she had them hooked. "First of all, we have the avatar, who from what I understand it, has the most spiritual power in the world, more than this Tolkalq guy had." Shooting a look at Korra, it seemed the young avatar was considering it after all. 

"Even more so, if something does happen to go wrong, we have access to the best healer in the world." She nodded towards Bumi and Tenzin. "Your mother." 

"Lin, I understand what you're saying, I really do." Tenzin countered carefully. "But I have to admit, I think that you may be a little jaded in this matter." He shot a sympathetic look towards Lin and Kya. "We all want Kya back here Lin, but I think we should confront the reality of the situation."

Before Lin could argue with him, Korra spoke up from the side. 

"Actually, I agree with Lin." 

Lin raised an eyebrow questioningly as she glanced at the younger girl. At least she'd convinced one. 

"If this Tolkalq guy did it, there's no reason why I can't." Korra nodded in agreement. "I think it's worth a shot." 

Tenzin looked like he wanted to argue, but ultimately decided against it as he waved a hand in agreement in Korra's general direction. Lin returned her gaze to Kya, who honestly looked more than a little overwhelmed. Maybe Lin had been a little too intense about this. 

"Are you okay with this?" Lin whispered quietly. She felt Kya intertwine their fingers lightly in comfort. The thought that they could have this in the physical world made Lin's heart leap. 

"Are you sure about this?" Kya's voice was quiet and calm, with just a touch of apprehension. Lin couldn't blame her. 

"Just say the word and we won't, Kya." Lin said quietly. "We won't do it if you aren't comfortable with it." Kya returned her gaze to Lin, searching as she reflected on what this would mean for her. 

For them. 

But as she stared into the eyes of the woman she loved, Kya couldn't really find a reason to say no. She would not deny herself the right to love again, the right to live again with Lin. Lin was worth it to her, no matter the uncertain possibilities ahead. 

"Let's do it." Kya whispered with a smile. "Whatever it takes, right?" Lin exhaled quietly at her agreement; it was all coming together. 

"I'll need a few days to practice and prepare." The couple returned their gaze to Korra, who smiled at them sweetly. The rest of the group nodded in agreement. 

Lin felt Kya squeeze her hand lightly as the group exited the library. She never wanted to let go. 

_Whatever it takes._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can you tell how badly i missed writing kyalin banter? yes it's a comfort writing style SUE ME


End file.
